


Breaking the ice

by m3lita



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-23 17:24:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 50,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13792530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m3lita/pseuds/m3lita
Summary: Why do we fall?So we can lean to pick ourselves up(Yes, I stole that quote from Batman)





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are many things I want to say, so I guess I'll use bullet points for this.  
> * Not many people is fan of RPF, so if you don't like it please don't be mean, just ignore the fic & move on  
> * English is not my first language, so although I've been trying to be careful because I'm a grammar freak I'm bound to make some mistakes. If you see any grammar mistake besides the punctuation (I'm not going to change that because in Spanish we love running sentences), please let me know, believe me, I want to fix it.  
> * You might think the characters are OOC, I tried to keep it close to how I believe their personalities are, but I might be wrong. Some people might not agree with my interpretation, so as long as it's constructive criticism I'm willing to hear your opinions, but I have to warn you I may have taken some licenses so I can take the story where I want.  
> * There are not villains in this story, just many flawed people because we're all humans and we're not perfect.  
> * Writing RPF makes you feel like a stalker.

The medal felt heavy on her neck, but the weight of the situation she found herself in weighted more. She tried to smile looking at her training partner on her side, Alina was wearing the gold medal, she had been wearing the gold medal in every competition the last couple of months & although she wanted to be happy for her, she couldn’t help but think in how this would affect her future. Just in their training team with Eteri they had two young girls doing quads, she couldn’t even perfect the triple lutz, how she was going to manage to get to that level in the years to come. “Silver medal is a big achievement”, she tried to tell herself, but the truth is that it felt like a death sentence. It felt like the ending of an unsatisfying journey, she knew the reality of her country in her field, everyday there was a new girl, training as hard as her, younger & better than her. She felt like an used car just waiting to be discarded. An old model who knew her time was up. She had been dedicating her whole life to a sport just to lose it in a matter of minutes, she wanted to be hopeful, to have faith in herself but her last year as a senior was taking a toll on her. She was not only physically exhausted, but also mentally and emotionally tired, “and the season hasn’t even ended yet”, she reminded herself. She still had the Worlds to focus on & she wasn’t sure she could beat Alina there, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to beat her ever again, that’s how crushed she felt. While the anthem of the Olympics played, she saw Eteri from a distance looking at her & Alina, she had a calm expression on her face, saving her thoughts to herself about their results. Eteri had been her coach since she was 6 & although she was friends with her mom & a mentor to her, she never played favourites, she had to earn her respect with every training & every performance. But she knew that now that she lost 2 competitions in a row to Alina, things weren’t looking good for her, especially because soon her competition was going to be tougher with Anna (Scherbakova) & Alexandra (Trusova) close to making their senior debuts.

After the medal ceremony ended at Pyeong Chang, Evgenia returned quickly to Eteri’s side while Alina walked slowly behind her. They had to start getting ready for the gala, if she was honest with herself, she didn’t want to participate, she just wanted to be alone, maybe put some ice on her foot that was still not completely healed. She wished she could sleep until the end of the season, if she won gold she could afford to miss the Worlds, but she didn’t, so she had to work hard to maintain herself relevant. But would it be worth it? In two to three years she would have to compete with little girls who could do quads in their sleep. The future look depressing whenever she thought about it. While returning to their hotel to change for practices, Evgenia put on her headphones to avoid interacting with anyone, both Alina & Eteri had been quiet after the ceremony, but that wasn’t rare, Alina was a quiet girl by nature & Eteri wasn’t that talkative either, only during practice she was blunt, after that she only talked when necessary. Normally, she would take on the job of filling the silence, but today she didn’t want to talk, she just wanted to sulk & listen to some music. So she got lost in the music of EXO & closed her eyes.

Two hours later they were at the rink, getting ready to practice their exhibition numbers, Evgenia was getting ready to hit the ice when Eteri stopped her.  
-“Alina is going first today”, she said softly but sternly.  
Evgenia looked at her atonished before asking why.  
Eteri simply said, “you know why”, before walking to Alina’s side to give her some instructions.  
Evgenia waited outside the rink while Alina worked with Eteri on her “Afro Blue” exhibition number, but she wasn’t looking at Alina, instead she was going through the steps of her program on her mind, remembering each step, trying to analyze how to make her program more complex so it could be more competitive. This was her life, one competition at a time, a whole life dedicated to a sport so it could be reduced to 4 minutes of the world watching & judging. When it was her turn & she stepped to the ice, she closed her eyes to get ready for the same program she had at the exhibitions of the European Championships, it was going to be “Kukushka”, the song that represented her journey, the song that represented how she felt at that moment. She tried to put everything behind her, “don’t look back” she said to herself, she opened her eyes & started everything again.


	2. Day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullet points are the best  
> * The days in the chapters represent how many days have passed since the end of the ladies competition at the Olympics.  
> * I'm not a fan of K-pop like Zhenya so I might get some details wrong about this.  
> * Basically everything that happens until the ladies competition is canon in this story, like Evgenia losing to Alina, but I might change things that are happening since then.  
> * The results in the competitions in this fic don't reflect the results that I actually want, but the results that I need to push the story in the direction I want.

When she opened her eyes, she knew she didn’t felt ready for a new day, the day before it had been the medal ceremony & also her first day of practice for the Exhibition Gala of the Olympics. She practiced with all her heart, she jumped until her legs felt numb because she wanted to tire her body, she wanted to feel tired enough to quiet the doubts of her mind, so she could sleep in peace, so she didn’t fear the uncertainty of her future. The alarm of her cellphone went off at that second reminding her she only had 30 minutes to get ready. They had to leave in one hour to the main rink at Gangneung to practice with the rest of the athletes for their group number at the Gala. This put a smile on her face, she was going to see Misha & Yuzuru there, it still broke her heart that Wakaba wasn’t able to make it to the Olympics, she could have used one of her hugs right now. Checking the clock on her cellphone she realized she lost too much time lost in her thoughts, so she quickly left her bed to start her day. 

Two hours later she couldn’t stop smiling watching everyone enjoying the practice for the Gala. Everyone at the rink was in a good mood, no one thought about what was going to happen in their futures after the Olympics, they stopped thinking about their falls & mistakes, about the ones who would retire after the Gala, at that moment they were all kids at the playground & that playground was the ice. Just like her, everyone at the rink had dedicated their lives to this sport, to this dream & at that moment she felt ashamed of herself, for not feeling it was enough. Just being here it was a dream, how many girls wanted to be in her position, Wakaba herself couldn’t get a spot on her team, so what if she didn’t win gold, she gave her all. “But my all wasn’t enough” whispered the doubts on her mind. Today it wasn’t about thinking about her failures, today she was going to enjoy the moment, so she put a smile on her face, the same smile that didn’t reach her heart, but it didn’t matter, because even if she felt empty inside, she was going to enjoy this day, she was going to create memories she would treasure for the rest of her life.

-“Do you want to do a jump competition?” asked a playful voice next to her, distracting her from her thoughts.  
She turned her head to see Misha smiling at her & she laughed before joining his playful mood to say  
\- “I don’t know, I don’t want you to get hurt, we all know joints start to ache at 26”.  
He laughed before continuing their game  
\- “Are you calling me old Medvedeva”.  
She put on her best poker face before saying  
-“So it’s not only your joints that hurt, you’re also bad at hearing, I feel so sorry for you Misha”.  
Immediately after saying that, she felt his hands on her hips & she felt her weight leaving the ice before she realized Misha was carrying her & laughing loudly.  
-“Put me down Misha” she said a little bit scared.  
\- “Don’t worry, I had a big breakfast, so I’m still strong” he said with a smile.  
-“Are you guys going to try pair figure skating now?” asked a voice next to them, that belonged to the Yuzuru Hanyu, someone Evgenia still couldn’t believe she was able to call a friend.  
-“Why, are you jealous?” asked Misha, “don’t believe I forgot how Ondrej (Hotarek) carried you yesterday”, he said joking, while carefully putting Evgenia back on the ice.  
\- “Ondrej carried this kid?” asked Zhenya with a smile.  
-“Everybody wants to carry me because I’m cute” joked Yuzuru.  
\- “I always knew that Ondrej was one of your fangirls” teased Evgenia.  
\- “Maybe he would get you a new Pooh bear” said Misha, joining Evgenia on her teasing.  
Yuzuru just laughed as he always did & Evgenia couldn’t help but think how lucky she was to be able to share this kind of moments with them. “Treasure this moments because they are not going to last”, said the treacherous voice on her head, but she refused to listen, not today, she said to herself. “Today my fears are not going to take over”, she repeated as a mantra on her mind. So to quiet her doubts, she skated close to Yuzuru & Misha and asked “so, are you ready for this jump competition?”.


	3. Day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More bullet points  
> * The gala was tonight & I'm still not over it.  
> * I'm keeping some of the events that happened at the Olympic gala for future use, but this fic was written before the Gala took place so I used my imagination for some things & again I'm not keeping all the real life events that are happening to Zhenya for this story, just the ones that could help me with the story.

The night of the Gala felt like a pause on her life. Like time had stop over to give her a break. She walked around backstage excited of seeing everyone while they got ready. It was strange to not feel nerves, but tonight it wasn’t a competition, tonight it was about enjoying the ice. Performing was what she had done through her whole life, bringing joy to people through her hardwork it was an indescribable feeling, a feeling she didn’t want to give up.  
-“You look happy” said a voice behind her.  
She turned & saw Yuzuru looking at her. He had a smile on his face, because Yuzuru without a smile wasn’t the Yuzuru she knew.  
-“I’m happy to see everyone happy” she said a little bit shyly, she always felt timid when she was alone with Yuzuru, it was easier when Misha was around, but being alone with him made her nervous.  
-“I like your outfit” he said, before picking her hood & putting it on her head.  
\- “We can exchange outfits if you want” she said smiling while putting her hood back in its place, “I’m sure the feathers would suit me better than you”.  
\- “I don’t know” he answered, “no one is as badass as you”.  
Evgenia stayed silent because she didn’t know how to answer. It was easy to go for the joke, but when he was earnest, he destroyed all of her walls.  
-“I wanted to congratulate you” he said softly, taking a step closer to her.  
\- “For what” she asked quietly.  
\- “Getting silver of course” he said gently & she felt the understanding on his voice.  
-“Thank you” she said while looking at the floor “but you’re the one that should get all the praises, two golds is not a small feature Yuzuru”.  
-“You don’t have to pretend” he said in a whisper & she felt the air leaving her lungs as if someone had punched her. “I know it’s hard, what you did that day, it’s worth more than a medal, you’re a champion Zhenya, never forget it” he said carefully.  
She looked up not caring anymore he would see the tears in her eyes & she saw the surprise on his face when she went for a hug.  
-“I’m sorry” she said softly in his arms, she tried to let go because she had acted on impulse, but she felt him hugging her even tighter.  
\- “Don’t apologize, we all need a hug sometimes” he told her gently finally letting go.  
-“I know those hugs are exclusive for Pooh-san” she joked while wiping the tears from her eyes.  
-“He told me he can share the hugs with you & with Luna-chan” he told her in a voice that warmed her heart, she was no match for him, her heart ran wild & beat harder than ever, so she said in a whisper “I think I’m ok with that”.

During the rest of the evening she could feel the eyes of Yuzuru following her at times, she knew she surprised him with the hug. They have hugged before but this was different because this time it felt like he was consoling her, so it felt more intimate. She tried to calm herself as she always did, with skating, she started going back on the steps for her program on her mind, she repeated the choreography on loop on her memory while listening to Kukushka on her ipod. She usually listened to Exo before the competitions but tonight she wasn’t competing, she wasn’t even performing, because she wasn’t planning to portray anyone but herself through her program, she was going to express something she couldn’t put into words, something she felt in her heart. This is what skating was for her, not only the sport that she dedicated her life to, but also the place where she could be herself. Even when she played a character there was always a little bit of herself in every show, in every step, in every turn & in every jump. Tonight, her heart was going to stay on the ice. 

She stayed close to the rink when Gabriella & Guillaume took the ice. She had been watching everyone’s program, from Javier’s fun “Aerobic class” to the romantic performance of Han & Sui with “Run”. She wanted to take it all, because this moment with everyone relaxing & smiling was rare, in less than a month they had to be in Milan for the World Championships & she wasn’t looking forward to it. This would be the last day to relax before she started training for her next competition. That had been her routine for the last four years, competitions during the winter & fall seasons and shows & training through the summer. Time passed by, people changed but ice was always there, as a permanent feature on her life. As she saw Gabriella & Guillaume finish their performance to “Pray you catch me” she got ready to be next. It was always difficult to get back to perform for an audience after a disappointing result in competition, especially when it was an exhibition that relied more in engaging the audience than just concentrating in the technical side of her program. Luckily, she didn’t have to smile or be flirty for “Kukushka”, the dark themes of the song suited the state of her soul at the moment, so it was easy to get lost in the tempo of the song. She skated slowly to the center of the rink after Gabriella & Guillaume left the ice, she could see the flashes, hear the announcer calling her name, she could feel the eyes of every person in the arena, but at that moment she erased them all. This was not a performance for them, this was for herself. To remind herself why she still dedicated her life to this profession, why even after the biggest disappointment in her life she couldn’t imagine doing anything else but going back to what she knew. This was who she is & this was what she wanted to continue doing for as long as she could. She closed her eyes & when she heard the first notes of the song, she felt ready to tell a story through her art again.


	4. Day 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More bullet points because I like them  
> * I don't see Eteri as a bad person, but this fic has planned to put Brian Orser in the picture, so although I don't believe that in real life Evgenia would leave Eteri, for the purpose of this fic she would leave her in the future.  
> * I don't think blunt people are necessarily bad, I'm pretty blunt myself & I do have the image that Eteri is the kind of person that doesn't sugarcoat things, which can be tough for some people.  
> * Also, no hate to Evgenia's mom in RL, she's probably not like in the fic. But many parents of figure skaters are more strict than their own coaches because they are living their dreams through their kids or either because their teenager figure skating son/ daughter is the main support of the family so their success could change things for them.

She could feel every muscle in her body ache at the end of her practice, she had one more week to train before the World Figure Skating Championship started & her goal of revalidating her gold medal there seemed to be more far away than ever. Since she began practices her right foot had been bothering her again, it didn’t hurt as much as last year, but she didn’t feel confident landing her triple lutz on it & she needed that lutz if she wanted to secure the gold.  
-“Evgenia”, she heard the voice of Eteri calling her.  
She skated slowly to the end of the rink where she was standing to hear the reviews of her training.  
-“Your landings are off” she said severely, “if you don’t have secure landings, you cannot do the combinations”, she reminded her. “You need to stay later tomorrow to practice if you want to catch up to Alina”, she said sternly before turning & walking down to her office.  
This was common with Eteri, always pointing down the mistakes, but never praising her skaters when things went well, she should be used by now, but sometimes she wished she could get a word of encouragement. She turned to the ice & saw Alina leaving the rink quietly.  
-“Are you alright?” asked Alina as soon as she reached her.  
-“Yes, thank you. I’m just tired”, answered Zhenya before walking to the dressing rooms to pick her things so she could go home.  
As she left the gym, she saw her mom’s car in the parking lot. She always made time to take her to trainings & pick her up everyday, that’s why she felt she had no right to complain. Her mom had already sacrificed enough to make her dreams come true, so the least she could do is to deliver in what has become the dream of both of them.  
-”Hey honey, how was practice?”, her mom asked as soon as she got in the car.  
-“It was good, I feel I’m improving” she said without looking at her mom in the eyes while pretending to be busy with her phone.  
That was a bad habit she had, everytime she felt she couldn’t be honest, she looked at the floor or anywhere else to avoid the eyes of the person she couldn't be sincere to. Wakaba once told her that the expressiveness of her face was her biggest curse but also her biggest weapon. On the ice it was a great help when she needed to portray a character, but on real life it presented a problem because it meant anyone could read her like a book.  
-“Eteri called me this morning” said her mom, taking her out of her thoughts.  
-“Why?”, she asked softly, fearing her answer  
-“She told me you are having problems with your landings & she’s worried”, she told her while starting the car  
Evgenia didn’t answer, didn’t confirm her mom’s suspicions because if she vocalized her fears, she knew she would crumble, so she stayed silent until her mom spoke again.  
-“Eteri said that there are only two reasons this could be happening & let’s hope it’s not the worst case scenario” she told her in a tone that worried her  
-“what is the worst case scenario?”, she asked with fear  
-“Skaters start to lose precision & flexibility with age, you’re getting older so it’s normal you cannot jump as easily as other skaters younger than you, the problem is that this would mean you already reached your peak” she said in a straight tone.  
When her mom put the facts so bluntly she really hated to be the daughter of a former figure skater, if her mom had been just a housewife like Alina’s grandmother maybe she could be more supportive. But that wasn’t the nature of her mom, she always went straight to the point, which might be the reason why she was close with Eteri, they were both painfully frank.  
-“what is the best case scenario?” she asked hopefully  
-“that you might be injured” she answered candidly.  
Evgenia felt the tears in her eyes, but held it together & simply said  
-“then let’s hope for the best case scenario” before putting on her headphones on & staying silent until they reached home.

As soon as she reached the apartment she shared with her mom, she took her shoes off & started walking to her bedroom but the voice of her mother made her stop  
-“You don’t want dinner?” her mom asked while closing the door of their home.  
-“You know I can’t eat after 6, least of all so close to competition”, she answered dryly before continuing her way to her bedroom. As soon as she arrived to her destination, she saw a small package on her bed & while picking up the small gift she saw a simple note that said “To Zhenya-chan”. When she opened carefully the wrapping paper she saw that inside there was a cute necklace of a moon & next to it a note that said  
“This is your belated Olympic gift, you’re always gold in our hearts, gambatte Zhenya-chan!  
With love  
M & Y”  
She smiled to herself & immediately reached for her phone to write to her boys. When the world looked bleak they always put a smile on her face, this was a reminder of what she held dear, after this there was only one way, she was going to fight for a chance.


	5. Day 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullet points make things seem tidy  
> * No Yuzuru doesn't appear in this chapter because well it's going to take me some time to get there, right now I'm concentrating on Evgenia's journey, but he's going to make some appearances soon.  
> * I also want your opinion about potential songs for the programs of Evgenia & Yuzuru. I need at least 4 songs for each one of them, I have some ideas for Evgenia, but I'm blank with Yuzuru. I'm planning to write a chapter about a summer show where these two nerds would meet again, so two of the songs have to be fun (one is also for exhibitions). And then one song for the short program & another for the free skate.  
> * In the next chapter, I'm going to deal with the consequences of Evgenia's decision, so we're not going to be getting descriptions of Evgenia's skating until the summer show.

It was loud on the arena, louder than any normal competition, because this wasn’t any normal competition, this was the World’s Championship. After the Olympics, this was the biggest accomplishment any athlete on her field could get. She had already won it twice & she should be relaxed at this stage by now, but this year, after everything than unraveled, this felt like a test. Is this the end of Evgenia Medvedeva? That’s the question everyone in the media was asking. If she lost, it not only reinforced the idea that Alina had come to take her place, but also it would erase what she accomplished, she would be another story to add to the older figure skater losing her place to someone younger narrative. Maybe Eteri was right & she already reached her peak before the Olympics. For two years, she was on the top of her field, but not anymore & although she was still in the podium she knew it was just a matter of time until one of the juniors of her country became a senior & started making things more complicated for her with quads.

She made sure to avoid the media while getting ready for the World’s, she didn’t want anything to distract her from her training, but everyday Eteri informed her of new requests for interviews with Alina. The media was enjoying their rivalry & with Yuzuru not participating at the World Championship, the media made sure to hype the battle of the Russian Ladies as much as they could. But that wasn’t what worried her, but the lack of stability she had been showing during the practice of her jumps. She had tried to convince Eteri to allow her to backload her jumps to catch up to Alina, but she had the last word & she told her that as long as she wasn’t having clean landings, she would continue doing three of her jumps before the second half. She also took out the triple lutz, triple loop combination she had been practicing for her program, which meant that just in technical, she was already several points behind Alina. It seemed like only a miracle could help her retain the title. 

She took a deep breath & started her routine backstage, practicing her jumps while Exo played in her ipod. This felt like a chronicle of a death foretold, she knew the scores even before she stepped on the ice, she never felt as defeated as today. She saw the girls on her group practicing as she did, Satoko (Miyahara) warmed up flexing her legs while Kaetlyn (Osmond) ran from one corner of the room to the other & Alina practiced her spins in the floor. They all looked focus & ready, while she felt more lost than ever, she tried to put on a brave face but she knew what she was going to be facing, after all she had been seeing Alina’s routine for the last three weeks, while practicing next to her for the World’s Championship.

\- “What is the mark of a true champion?”, she remembered the question that Tatyana Tarasova asked her the first time she became a World Champion. That time she answered, “the way they deal with success”, but Tatyana simply said “No, my girl. It’s how they face adversity”.

Now, she finally understood the depth of her words. Because for two years, she only knew success & maybe during that time she wasn’t a true champion, because her biggest competition was herself. But now, she wasn’t the one leading the group, instead she was the one that had to catch up. And she knew she only had two options, either fight with all her might or settle & be one of the many, another Russian name that would get lost in obscurity after being replaced by a younger skater. Alina would take her place and then someone younger than Alina would come & the cycle would continue. But she refused to be another disposable name in history, she refused to accept her sacrifices meant nothing to her future, she didn’t want her dream to end when it hadn’t even started. So when she heard one of the officials of the event announce to them that they were going to be next on the presentation of the short program, she knew she had to make a choice. And while all the girls started to put on their skates to get ready to hit the ice, she started thinking about the possibilities of the risky decision that she was about to take. And when she finished tying her laces, she held her moon necklace for strength because she knew she had reached one of the most difficult decisions of her life.


	6. Day 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of those bullet points you love  
> * So first of all thanks for all your music suggestions, as I mentioned to one of you I created a playlist in spotify with every song you mentioned & I keep looking for music to use for Evgenia & Yuzuru. I'm also going to mention some songs for Wakaba, Misha & Alina, but I'm not going to get into their skating. So if you have more songs to recommend please keep it coming.  
> * I know some of you are not going to be happy with the results of Evgenia, but as I mentioned before these are not the results that I want or that I believe she would get in RL. But these are the results I need to push the story where I want.  
> * I read the ISU rules & it doesn't say anything about a time limit for changes to your program content sheet, so for the purpose of this story let's pretend that Evgenia didn't have a problem doing the changes she wanted.  
> * Jerry is the real dog of Evgenia, if you want to see how he looks check the documentary "Of Ice & Fame", someone uploaded it in youtube with subtitles.  
> * There is a real picture of Yuzuru shirtless online in case you were wondering, it's from an exhibition Yuzuru did years ago. And there are apps to make memes, so add the two & you have tons of hey girl memes.  
> * I'm posting a lot right now because I'm still in the middle of vacations, but I'm starting college back in mid March, so don't get used to constant updates  
> * If you want to see the picture that Yuzuru sent to Evgenia, go to this link https://media2.fdncms.com/sevendaysvt/imager/u/original/3377782/movie1.jpg

The season was over for her, “it couldn’t have ended in a worst note”, she thought while she walked Jerry to the park. Summer was near & while she usually looked forward to practice fun routines for the summer shows & catch up with all the animes she missed during the season, this summer felt drearier than ever. For the first time in two years she had missed the podium, she couldn’t even get bronze & this was her own fault. “I knew it was going to be risky” she said to herself. Her last-minute decision to backload all of her jumps didn’t pay off, her foot was still recovering & her stamina didn’t match Alina’s so she fell in her triple Salchow triple toe loop combination. She also got lower GOEs than usual on her jumps, because her landings kept getting sloppier & to top it all, Eteri was mad at her. She didn’t like her decision of changing her program content without consulting her & even when she managed to make it up in the free program following their original script, it wasn’t enough & she ended up being fourth. She knew she was in trouble when Eteri didn’t sat with her at the Kiss & Cry when her results were shown. And she was paying it now, because Eteri had demoted her to train under Sergei (Dudakov), who worked as her right hand on the Training Center. Eteri only managed the top students, so at the moment her main focus was Alina, while she had to raise to the ranks again if she wanted to be considered.

Not that it matter, because her last checkup with her doctor shown that she couldn’t train for a month. Her foot was still recovering & all the competitions she had been participating lately, delayed her rehabilitation process. So, she had to sit for the rest of the season & concentrate in getting better, at least that’s what the doctor said. But could she afford to sit & recover? Because that tactic wasn’t working for Adelina (Sotnikova), who was rumored to be retiring soon. Yulia (Lipnitskaya) had already retired & she seemed to be going into coaching. “But at least they got gold”, her doubts murmured in her head. What did she have? She was just a fading star, one that was dying before she actually had the opportunity to shine. A sudden vibration took her out of her thoughts as she saw a new message on her phone. It was from Misha, since the World Championship ended, Yuzuru, Misha & Wakaba had been her main support, sending her funny messages so she could cheer up.

Today, it was a Ryan Gosling meme that said “hey girl, the only thing more marvelous than my abs is your smile”. She smiled at his silly joke & only wrote on the group chat she had with her boys  
-“How do you always know how to cheer me up Misha?”  
He only answered with another meme, this time it was an image of Yuzuru shirtless with the words  
-“Hey girl, keep that smile on, or I’ll put my shirt back on”  
She laughed this time, and before she could answer she saw that Yuzuru was writing something too  
-“You guys know that I can read everything you write, right?”  
Misha wrote back  
-“Look at the bright side, your shirtless picture made Janny laugh. Now the question is, if she’s laughing because she’s not impressed by your abs, or because my joke was that funny”  
Evgenia joined the banter by writing  
-“Couldn’t it be the two options?”  
Misha continued  
-“Don’t be mean to Yuzu, Janny. Remember that he has an army of fans that can hunt you down”  
Evgenia simply answered  
-“I know, I’m always afraid I would be attacked by a group of girls holding Pooh bears”  
Misha quickly wrote  
-“That’s the nightmare of every girl that interacts with Yuzu for more than 10 seconds”  
Yuzuru joined their game & he simply put  
“Don’t worry Zhenya, you know that as a Sailor Soldier your powers would prevent the attack of any Pooh bear in your vicinity. And if all you needed to cheer up was a picture of abs, here is a picture of me & Misha shirtless”  
When Evgenia saw the picture, she couldn’t stop laughing, because for once Yuzu wasn’t the bottom of the jokes & he finally paid back Misha’s constant teasing. While she wiped the laughing tears from her eyes, she realized that this was the reason she would never regret getting into figure skating. Regardless of her results, what she would take with her wasn’t only the memories of her triumphs, but also the friends she made thanks to this profession. With that thought on her mind, she set up to make a meme of her own to make her boys smile, at that moment she felt that sense of happiness for being able to enjoy the little things in life, she felt the smell of the beginning of summer reaching her & bringing her hope that maybe her journey wasn’t over. And if it was, what a ride it was.


	7. Day 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things to point out  
> * First of all, thanks for all your kind comments, believe me it inspires me to continue writing, there's nothing more sad that writing something & not getting a response for it, so I really appreciate all of your messages.  
> * The songs that Evgenia is thinking about using in this chapter are not the songs that she's actually going to use & later on you'll understand why.  
> * Unravel is the opening song of Tokyo Ghul I believe, I'm not entirely sure because I don't follow that anime (but Yuzu is a fan of the show), but in case you want to hear it, this is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avAFtxxBSWE&t=166s  
> * This is the design of the shirt that Evgenia sees in the train station, I'll explain later what it means https://www.redbubble.com/es/people/athee-fille/works/13548700-whats-1000-minus-7?p=t-shirt  
> * This is the link of the first song Evgenia is planning to use, it's called Pulcinella, the version in spotify is better than this one, but this is the closest I found to the one I like in youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ljqmrWy9K4  
> * The other song Zhenya is planning to use is Coppelia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyDN5s-yWIs  
> * As I said before, I'm still open to hearing song suggestions & I want to use an instrumental song from a Japanese artist for Yuzuru plus one classical song for his SP or FS (he said in his last interview he wants to bring more Japanese music to the world through his skating) & I already chose the classical song from one of the options you guys gave me. But I'm still not sure about the Japanese song, if I cannot find anything maybe I will go for Joe Hisaishi, that works on the soundtracks of studio Ghibli, but I want to hear your ideas about this, because it will be nice to have other options.

Getting back on the ice after sustaining a long-term injury was never easy. It had been almost a month since she last came to train & from her last check-up things seemed better with her foot. Of course, the doctor said to avoid doing triples at least for two more weeks, but she could return to the ice to do some step sequences. Sergei watched her from a corner following her every move & checking her speed to review her motions later on. Before she stepped on the ice, they had discussed what type of music she was thinking for the new season. During her time away from the rink, that’s all she was thinking, what she could do to restore her position and what type of music would suit her comeback. She had settle on “Coppelia: Act I – Valse” for her free skate program & “Pulcinella suite: VIIIb. Finale. Allegro assai” for her short program. Sergei seemed satisfied with her choices & he told her she would need extra training this summer to be able to backload her jumps as she wanted. She was happy with those news, because it meant she was going to be able to face Alina in the same conditions, but it also meant she would have to train extra hard to be able to have enough stamina to keep all of her jumps at the end of her program.

When she finished her practice, Sergei pointed out that she was still a little bit stiff on the ice, but that was normal considering she had stopped training for several weeks. He also told her about some of the offers she had for the summer shows, including Dreams on Ice in Japan again. She had been waiting for that invitation, since Wakaba told her she had been invited to participate a few days ago. She immediately wrote to Yuzuru & Misha who also confirmed they were thinking about it, so she was planning to accept. She already had a song on mind for that show, it was a song she wanted to use for one of her competition programs, but she wouldn’t be able to use it because she had to use ballet songs if she wanted to compete with Alina, because those songs suited better the programs when there was backloading involved. 

As she left the gym she saw Alina arriving to the Training Center. Now that it was the beginning of summer & she was working with Sergei, she didn’t see Alina as often as before, because they weren’t working together anymore. She waved to Alina from a distance who waved back, but continued her way into the gym without stopping, she knew why. Eteri didn’t like when her students were late & she knew how harder trainings got when she was in a bad mood, so she didn’t blame her. Today, her mom didn’t pick her up from training because she was busy with some errands, and she was planning to ask her to stop bringing her to the gym in the mornings as well. During her time away from the rink she had started to think about asking her mom to keep her distance from her training, maybe if she stopped getting involved with her figure skating, they could have a more normal mother/ daughter relationship, because right now she felt more like a second coach than a mother. The problem is that she didn’t know how to bring the topic to conversation without hurting her mom’s feelings, she knew that making her successful in figure skating had become their joined goal, but right now at her lowest, she didn’t need someone else pushing her harder to get back on shape, she just needed unconditional support, in other words she needed her mom. 

While waiting to take the subway back home, she saw a guy wearing the best shirt she ever saw & at that moment she wished Yuzuru was with her because he would be the only one else who could understand the joke. But they lived in opposites sides of the world, so she settled for sharing her discovery with him. Carefully she took her cellphone out of her bag & while pretending to write a message, she subtly took a picture of the shirt of the guy, and smiled to herself while she admired the treasure she found. After zooming the picture and checking that the numbers on the shirt were clear, she sent a message to the group chat she had with Yuzuru & Misha. She couldn’t wait for Yuzu to see the picture & maybe give back to him a little bit of the happiness he gave her while he was trying to cheer her up. At that moment the train stopped on the station & she went inside while putting on her headphones, because today “Unravel” would be the soundtrack that would guide her way back home.


	8. Day 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some notes  
> * As you might notice, one of the songs that Evgenia is going to use it's "Dark Paradise" from Lana del Rey, which it's a song you guys recommended & it's going to be part of her exhibition numbers for her two summer shows. One is "Dreams on Ice" in Japan, the other one is a surprise, but I think you're going to like that one.  
> * During the length of this fic I'm going to mention different animes in the story, I know that Evgenia is a fan of Yuri on Ice & Sailor Moon, but I imagine she sees other animes too. Luckily I'm an anime fan myself, so maybe I'll mention some of the ones I like. Today is Nana, if you haven't seen it, I really recommend it.  
> * As I mentioned in the story, "History Maker" is the opening song of Yuri on Ice & the ringtone of Evgenia's cellphone. Here is the link of the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWkW_tMwOfc  
> * The idea of having a pair number between Yuzuru & Evgenia for one of the summer shows, came from one of your comments, so I want to thank you for inspiring me. I'm in the middle of writing that chapter & hopefully it would live to your standards. That's it for now, see you in the next chapter.

It was a lazy day for her because it was her day off from training, she had just returned from her last appointment with her doctor & he let her know her foot was better so she could start working on her jumps again. He did recommend she slept with an ice pack on her foot for the next two weeks to finish her treatment & she had to meet him again by the end of the month to confirm her injury had completely healed. She was happy things were finally looking up, and to top it all she was finally going to be able to work on some choreographies for the summer shows. She already told Daniil (Gleichengauz) she was planning to use “Dark Paradise” from Lana del Rey for the two summer shows she confirmed. She couldn’t wait for others to see the number she was planning to present, Daniil had already told her about some of the cool ideas he had for her presentation, including some new steps she would add to her choreography. She also spent her time drawing some sketches for the dresses she was planning to use for the season, she wanted her dress for the summer shows to be simple but also to make an impact & her designs for her outfits for the SP & FS were very classic as well, both were schemed in one basic color, because she didn’t want to make her dresses complicated. She didn’t want the dresses to be the focus of her presentations, just to complement it, instead she wanted the focus to be in her skating.

On her days off she tried to catch up with some of her animes & dramas, today she was watching Nana. It was an anime that Wakaba recently recommended to her & she was already hooked. She usually preferred watching less dramatic animes, but there was something about the story of Hachi & Nana that called to her. Maybe it was the fact that despite living in a very different world than them, she could relate to their insecurities of never being good enough, and in her profession, this was a constant battle. She had seen enough Russian skaters rise & crumble to be scared of that future, but she lied to herself for two years thinking she would be safe from that destiny after her consistent successes. Now, she was facing the world of figure skating from another position, she wasn’t the new face anymore & she wasn’t the best any longer either, so she had to concentrate in working hard & hope her efforts would pay off. She knew she had to remain positive through this process, but it was impossible for her to pretend that reality hadn’t hit her hard. This was why she was struggling with her days off lately, because in the days when she was away from the ice, it was impossible to escape her own doubts. 

As she watched a new episode of Nana on her laptop, she heard the first notes of “History Maker” playing on her phone. She had used the opening song of “Yuri on Ice” as her ringtone, since she became a fan of the show in 2016, leaving her old Sailor Moon ringtone behind. She checked the caller ID & saw that it was Misha, so she quickly answered.  
-“Hello troublemaker, how are things in the land of Vladimir Putin?”, she heard him ask in his characteristic teasing voice.  
-“Hello to you too Misha, how are things in the land of Donald Trump?”, she returned his teasing, by joking about the fact he trained in Los Angeles.  
-“Well, I’m actually far away from Donald Trump these days & instead I’m spending my time in the land of Jin Boyang” he continued the joke.  
-“What do you mean?”, she asked.  
-“Well you know I’m retiring after the summer shows right?”, he said in a more serious voice.  
\- “Don’t remind me”, she said somberly.  
-“Don’t be sad Janny, this doesn’t mean we’re not going to see each other. We still have the Summer shows & I’m going to be working as a choreographer so I’m not going to be away from the circuit you know”, he said trying to cheer her up, “this is actually the reason why I’m in Beijing right now. I’m working on a number for Han & Sui that’s going to be amazing” he told her happily, “and if you miss me that much, you can always hire me to choreograph something for you & make you look fabulous as well”.  
-“I wish I could”, she told him, “but Eteri doesn’t let us be choreographed by anyone besides Daniil, so I doubt she would allow me to be choreographed by you. Besides Daniil it’s already working in three of my choreographies”.  
-“Well there’s a solution for that actually”, he announced to her in a playful voice.  
-“What do you have in mind?”, she asked him curiously.  
-“I’ve been offered to choreograph a pair number for Dreams on Ice”, he told her cheerfully.  
-“Congratulations Misha, that’s amazing”, she said excited.  
-“Thanks, so I was originally planning to work on that choreography with Han & Sui, considering I’m working with them in the choreography of their short program, but they told me they are already training their exhibition number with another choreographer, so I’m only going to be working in their SP with them”, he shared.  
-“Wow, they are already working in two numbers this early?”, she said surprised.  
-“I know, these two don’t take vacations I tell you. They make Yuzuru look lazy”, he joked.  
Evgenia only laughed & simply asked “So what are you going to do?”.  
Immediately Misha said “Well, I happen to have two best friends who happen to be the two best figure skaters in the world & what do you know one is a man & the other one is a woman, so I’m planning to ask them to do a pair show choreographed by moi”.  
-“Are you crazy?”, Evgenia said hyperventilating, “I don’t know how to ice dance & I’m not going to let Yuzuru or anyone for that matter to throw me in the air either”.  
-“Relax Janny, if you say yes to this, I’m going to make things very simple for both of you & it’s going to look very cool, I promise” he told her in a calming voice, “besides do you really think Yuzuru could carry you? That kid weights less than you”.  
-“Ha ha ha” said Zhenya, “if you’re trying to convince me, calling me fat it’s not going to help”.  
-“I didn’t call you fat” clarified Misha, “I called you fluffy”.  
Evgenia couldn’t help but laugh at the sense of humour of Misha, but she still declined & said “I do want to help you Misha, but I don’t think this is a good idea, I would make you look bad, believe me”.  
-“Janny, I know you’re nervous & I really hate to put you in this position, but I really believe you can do it & you would do me a great favor because if things go well this would do wonders for my career as a choreographer, please”, said Misha in his most pleading voice.  
Evgenia felt all of her excuses disappearing once she understood how much this meant to Misha, so she finally said defeated “I’ll do it only if Yuzuru says yes & you’re the one that has to convince him, not me”.  
-“Oh Janny, this hurts my feelings, I thought you knew me better than that, of course I already convinced Yuzuru. So, can you tell me when you’re available so we can start training for this thing?”  
And at that moment, Evgenia Medvedeva knew she was screwed.


	9. Day 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some points to make to understand this chapter  
> * Evgenia does wear surgery masks when she goes to Asian countries, I guess in those countries is normal & they do it for health reasons, but in the case of Zhenya is because she doesn't want to draw attention to herself I guess, here it's a picture https://www.pinterest.com/pin/373939575303272941/  
> * Yuzuru's hometown is Sendai in case you didn't know that.  
> * In case you forgot, Jerry is Evgenia's dog.  
> * Again, just like in the case of Evgenia's mom, I'm also assuming certain things about Yuzuru's family in this chapter, which doesn't mean that I believe they are true, but it helps me to take the story where I want (although Brian has mentioned that Yuzuru lives a very sheltered life with his mom in Toronto, so that description from Brian is going to play a part on this story).  
> * I'm already writing the chapter of the pair number for Yuzu & Zhenya, but it's going to take me a couple of chapters to get there. But I'm already writing it because it's probably the most difficult chapter I've ever had to write because of the choreography (I'm a law student, not a professional dancer, so I'm scared a little about how that's going to turn out), well that's it for now, the next chapter is huge & yes Yuzuru is going to finally make an appearance.

Convincing Eteri to let her go to Sendai to train with Yuzuru & Misha had been a difficult job. She had to compromise & agree to do extra hours of training to be able to have one week off to train with Misha & Yuzuru at the hometown rink of Yuzuru before doing the show of “Dreams on Ice”. But all her hardwork paid off, because she had already finished her exhibition number of “Dark Paradise”, which she would premiere for the two summer shows she had already confirmed. She was excited for her friends to see her new choreography, but more than anything she was excited of seeing them again. As she picked her bags from the baggage claim area of Sendai International airport, she tried to blend in among the crowd by staying as incognito as she could. She wore her favorite grey hoodie & a surgery mask, that helped her to go unnoticed. Since she did her Sailor Moon exhibition in Japan a few years ago, she started gaining a little bit of fame, it wasn’t unmanageable like the fame of Yuzuru, but she still had to be careful. As she reached the arrival gates of the airport, she saw Misha standing in a corner next to a Japanese guy wearing a suit. She waved to him & Misha came running to her and gave her one big bear hug as soon as he reached her. The unknown guy in a suit, arrived a few seconds later & bowed to her before explaining in a broken English that he worked with the Japanese Figure Skating Federation to help the skaters that would participate in the upcoming show of “Dreams on Ice”. He then picked up her suitcase & asked them to follow him as he guided them to the van that would take them to their hotel.

On their way to the hotel, Misha started telling her all the things that happened since he arrived to Sendai. Now that he was working as a freelancer choreographer, he had more time of his own than when he was a figure skater, so he was able to come to Sendai one week before her. During that week he started training with Yuzuru on their upcoming pair number & he got to meet his family.  
-“His sister seems cool”, shared Misha, “but his mom reminds me a little bit of yours”  
Evgenia had shared with Misha, the problems she was having with her mom. She hadn’t take it well when she asked her to back off from her training a bit, maybe it’s because she didn’t know how to express her support without getting directly involved in her work. She felt frustrated with herself because she felt her suggestion was distancing her more from her mom than bringing them together. They really didn’t have much in common beyond skating, they had different tastes in movies & music and her mom always found silly her fascination with anime & k-pop. She looked at Misha who kept talking about how controlling was Yuzuru’s mom about his schedule.  
-“I’m telling you, she’s more his manager than his mom”, he said seriously.  
-“Well, not everyone is as cool as your parents dummy”, she told him, trying to make him understand Yuzuru’s position.  
-“That kid needs to relax a little, you both do, not everything in life is about skating you know”, he said in a serious voice.  
His words took Evgenia by surprise, because Misha was usually always joking around, but when he was earnest, it was difficult to handle because it felt as if her big brother was scolding her.  
-“So what are we missing in life, Misha-sensei?”, she said in a teasing manner, trying to bring the silly Misha back.  
-“How about love”, he told her genuinely.  
Evgenia felt uncomfortable by his words, because she had pushed that thought in the back of her mind for a long time. This was something she wasn’t ready to face, so it was better to keep it buried inside her.  
-“I have love. My mom loves me, my training team loves me, I have friends that love me & most importantly Jerry loves me, so what more do I need?”, she declared trying to change the tone of the conversation.  
-“Don’t be a smartass”, rebuked Misha, “you’re avoiding the conversation, you have never had a boyfriend”, he expressed worried.  
-“So? I don’t have time for a boyfriend, I’m a professional figure skater”, she said defensively.  
-“I was a professional figure skater as well & I had girlfriends”, he told her in a calm voice.  
-“Well, things are different for you”, she stated distracted.  
-“Why? Because I wasn’t a World Champion or an Olympic medalist?”, he asked frustrated.  
-“I didn’t mean it like that”, she said embarrassed.  
-“I know that you gave up many things in order to rise to the top, I’m not denying your sacrifices. But I’m worried that both Yuzuru & you are hiding behind your work” he said seriously, but he changed his tone once he noticed how flustered was Evgenia “Skating it’s not who you are, it’s something that you’re good at & that you probably enjoy & love, but you’re more than this job Janny”, he declared softly.  
-“For me it’s more than a job, this is not just a hobby either, I don’t know how to explain it, but in many ways this is everything”, she confessed awkwardly.  
-“But it shouldn’t be everything, because if it doesn’t go the way you want to, you’re going to feel worthless” he continued.  
-“I already feel like that”, she whispered in a scared voice.  
-“That’s my point”, he replied & his words felt like they bared her soul.  
Evgenia felt broken by his remarks, because she knew he was right, but she didn’t know how to change things & less of all if she wanted to change them. Because in many ways, skating had given her everything she had, skating was the only topic of conversation she had in common with her mom, skating got her first friends & skating got her the respect of others. She never felt as good at anything else, she wasn’t the best student, she never felt she was the prettiest either, but in the ice that didn’t matter, because in the ice she felt the best & now that she wasn’t at the top, she was having a hard time adjusting. 

After staying silent for a minute that felt like hours, she tried to change the conversation again, because she didn’t feel ready to venture into a conversation where she didn’t have all the answers. This is why skating fit her perfectly, she knew what she needed to do on the ice, she knew when to do her jumps & she knew each step she took on the rink, but real life required more than a choreography & she couldn’t practice beforehand. In real life she was lost, reality made her feel adrift most of the time because she didn’t know how to open up, so instead she preferred talking about animes, k-pop or anything really, as long as she didn’t have to talk about herself.  
-“So, when are we going to see Yuzuru?”, she asked begging Misha in her mind to allow her to change the topic.  
-“Tomorrow, he said he wanted to give you some time to rest, he knows it’s a long way from Russia to Japan”, he said complying as if he could read her mind.  
-“Great, I really need to sleep”, said Evgenia yawning.  
-“Don’t we all?”, murmured Misha as he put his head on her shoulder & closed his eyes. As she felt him relax, she knew he had fallen sleep. She saw the street lights flicker as the night started in Sendai & she closed her eyes as well, she was far away from Moscow but somehow, at that moment she felt more at home than ever.


	10. Day 87 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More notes  
> * So today I'm updating two chapters, they are about the same day but it didn't feel right to upload them in the same chapter. Not only because of the length but also because the vibe of each one of them felt different too.  
> * As I mentioned before I want to show people that are very human, which means that they aren't perfect. I think in previous chapters & maybe in others in the future as well, it could give the impression that Misha suits Evgenia better than Yuzuru, but I think that's a very superficial analysis of their relationship in this story & hopefully while the story develops you will see why I put Evgenia & Yuzuru together (and no it's not only because they look cute).  
> * I hope you do find flaws but also strong points in every character in the story, if I can bring some type of realism to the journey of these characters, then I would feel I'm doing a good job.

She couldn’t deny she was anxious about today’s training, because she was going to face a very different challenge from the ones she had gotten used to. After all, today the training wasn’t just about her, it was also about Yuzuru & Misha. She had never trained before with anyone else but Eteri, Sergei & Daniil which really made her doubt about the success of this practice session, but more than anything she was worried about screwing this number, after all this could make or break Misha’s chances as a successful figure skating choreographer. As she left her room to go down to the hotel’s restaurant to have breakfast with Misha, she noticed a familiar silhouette wandering in the hallway as if he was lost.

-“Yuzuru”, she whispered.  
He must have some bionic hearing, she thought, because he immediately turned & walked to where she was, squeezing her into a hug that took her breath away.  
-“Long time no see, Zhenya-chan”, he said during their quick embrace.  
-“It has been a long time indeed”, she responded smiling after letting go. “What are you doing here?” she quickly asked. “I thought we were going to meet you at the training rink”  
-“It seemed disrespectful not to welcome you to Sendai personally before our training” he stated. “I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up from the airport yesterday, but it’s not easy for me to walk around my own hometown”  
-“It’s fine really”, she said a little bit embarrassed “Misha was there & besides the trip was very long so I was too tired to be good company”, she stated to take the guilt out of his mind.  
-“You’re always good company”, he told her so certain that he made her blush, but she quickly reminded herself that he was just being polite, so she tried not to attach a different meaning to his remarks. As she calmed herself, she heard him ask disoriented “so where is Misha? He told me his room was in the same floor as yours”  
-“It is”, she explained “but that glutton never waits for anybody when there’s food involved. He’s probably already having breakfast”, she said cheekily.  
-“You’re probably hungry too”, he noted, “maybe we should head to the restaurant so you can have your breakfast as well”  
-“That’s where I was planning to go, until I decided to be kind to this kid that seemed to be lost in the hallway”, she said teasing him as usual.  
Yuzuru simply laughed & said, “don’t worry, I’m sure that kid is going to return the favor one day & help you when you’re lost too”.  
\- “He already did”, she said cryptically, “so shall we go now stray kid from Sendai?”  
\- “Lead the way”, he said following her.

As they walked to the elevator, they continued their conversation.  
-“So when did you arrive to Sendai?”, she asked curiously.  
-“I’ve been staying here since the Olympics ended”, he answered casually.  
-“I thought you went back to Toronto”, she replied surprised.  
-“My mom thought that it would be better for me to continue the treatment of my injury back in Japan”, he said distracted as they got inside the elevator to go down to the second floor, where the restaurant is located, “so I’ve spending my time back at home”, he finished after pushing the button that would take them to the floor they needed.  
\- “I’m sorry”, she whispered ashamed.  
\- “For what?”, he asked in a puzzled voice.  
\- “I’ve been so distracted with my own problems, that I forgot you’ve been dealing with your own injuries, I’m an awful friend”. She explained distressed “I haven’t even asked if you feel better enough to do this show”, she continued.  
\- “I wouldn’t have signed up if I didn’t feel better”, he said unfazed.  
\- “So you’re sure you’re fine?”, she insisted.  
\- “Yes mom”, he told her sheepishly as she rolled her eyes.  
\- “I’m just worried you know”, she continued in a concerned tone, that made her notice that as he said she did sound like an helicopter parent, “so are you going back to Toronto?”, she asked trying to change her tone.  
\- “I will”, he said self-assured, “after we finish the show”.  
\- “Do you like it there?”, she asked feeling a little bit nosy for prying, but she had always wondered how it would be to live abroad. Sometimes she fantasized about it, but the truth is that she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else but in Moscow.  
\- “I don’t know”, he simply answered.  
\- “What do you mean?”,  
Before he could answer her question, the doors of the elevator opened & Yuzuru walked inside the restaurant, where they saw Misha waving to them from a distance. As they got close to his table, she noticed he was surrounded by food. He had a glass of orange juice, a bowl with fruit salad, two toasts with avocado spread on top of it & a plate that she imagined had been filled with a stack of pancakes, but that now he was in the middle of finishing.  
-“Did you assault the restaurant’s kitchen?”, she asked laughing, as they sat with Misha.  
-“I’m just showing my appreciation for the hard work of the people who made these pancakes”, he smiled proudly.  
-“I don’t know how you managed to keep your weight down as a skater with that appetite”, she wondered aloud.  
-“Well there’s this thing called metabolism that helps my case”, Misha answered sardonically, “and also, you do know that figure skating is a sport that makes you burn calories, right? You don’t need to starve yourself in order to do your jumps”  
-“I don’t starve myself”, she said defensively.  
-“I didn’t say you did”, continued Misha in a candid tone, “and what better way to prove to us your big appetite than eating your breakfast”.  
Evgenia looked at him annoyed & stood up to get some food from the breakfast buffet, but before leaving she turned to Yuzuru & asked “are you coming?”  
-“Oh, no thank you. I already had breakfast at home”, he declined politely.  
-“Suit yourself”, she said a little bit flustered, as she left to get her food.  
-“She doesn’t seem to be in a good mood”, mentioned Misha distracted as he finished his pancakes.  
-“I wonder why”, said Yuzuru sarcastically as he grabbed his phone to occupy himself.  
-“She’s going to feel better once we start working on my awesome choreography”, argued Misha while going for his toasts.  
Yuzuru only laughed at Misha’s nonchalant attitude as he looked at Zhenya from a distance while she carefully chose her breakfast. Despite being friends for years, Yuzuru could admit to himself that he was never completely relaxed or open with them or with anyone but his family really, because although he genuinely liked both Misha & Evgenia, he had other things in his life that were more important than his bonds with people. As he saw Evgenia return to their table with her breakfast, he couldn’t help but feel curious about how this week of training would develop. It was going to be an interesting week indeed.


	11. Day 87 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra notes  
> * I already chose the song for the pair number of Yuzuru & Evgenia, it's going to be "Middle" from Dj Snake & Bipolar Sunshine, here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOKqNxN4jWM  
> * This part of the chapter is going to start approaching a subject that is very controversial, which is the weight of the skaters. I'm going to continue mentioning this topic in the upcoming chapters as an answer to the comments of Eteri about Alina & Evgenia where she said that if they want to go to Beijing, they need to watch their weight. Which it's the completely opposite from the comments of Brian Orser that praises the healthy weight of Gabrielle Daleman (who is his student). I'm still not going to demonize Eteri in this story, but I'm very dissapointed with her comments.  
> * Yuzuru is going to be portrayed in a more human & complicated way in this story. If you're hoping for the walking meme that a lot of the girls like you might be disappointed. I'm basing this representation in my own interpretation of his character based in some of the comments that both Javier Fernandez & Brian Orser have made about Yuzuru through the years.

The beginning of training was awkward, Evgenia knew that part of the reason why things weren’t working out was because she was still annoyed at Misha. He probably didn’t mean anything by his comment, but she couldn’t help but feel attacked by his remarks. She knew it was an open secret in the skating world that Eteri was very strict about the diets of her pupils, “it is easier to do a jump when you have less body fat on you”, she always said, & Evgenia agreed with that mentality. She was an athlete, she rationalized, of course she couldn’t eat whatever she wanted, every athlete took care of themselves & she wasn’t going to feel guilty for it.  
But her frustration didn’t end there, because the other problem she was facing was of course that Yuzuru & her were very bad at this pair skating thing. They were both used to doing things on their own, but with pair skating you had to adjust your rhythm to your partner & that didn’t seem to be working out for any for them.

After trying to synchronize their Biellmann spins & failing for what it felt was the millionth time, she sat tired on the ice & said to Misha petulantly.  
-“I told you we would suck at this”  
Misha skated close to her side & told her as a scolding parent “This is only the first day, you know”  
-“We have less than a week to learn this choreography, we’re not magically going to turn into Moir & Virtue in a couple of days”, she continued protesting.  
-“If you did, I would be considered the best choreographer in the world, but even I am not that good”, he joked good-heartedly.  
She tried to hide her smile at his comment & hated Misha for a second for making it hard for her to hold a grudge against him, she wanted to be annoyed with this guy, she really did, but he was one of her best friends & she knew she had to stop acting like a child & start acting like a professional. She surprised herself for how bratty she was acting because she never threw this kind of tantrums when she was with Eteri’s team, “maybe it’s because I feel too comfortable around these two”, she thought. So, with a new-found resolution in her heart, she stood up & proudly declared “I’m not going to give up, I’m going to make you look as the best choreographer in the world”.  
Misha only laughed at her comment & said pleased “That’s the spirit”  
At that moment, Yuzuru skated to where they were standing & simply said, “if you guys aren’t tired yet, I think I have an idea”.  
After Yuzuru shared his thoughts about the changes they could do on the number that had been choreographed by Misha, Zhenya agreed happily with his idea & said “I think that could work”.  
Misha contemplated carefully all of Yuzuru’s suggestions & tilted his head to the side as he always did when he was lost deep in his thoughts & he finally announced “well we don’t have much time to cover all the steps I wanted to include, so we could work with Yuzu’s plan”  
With a renovated energy that went through her body, Evgenia started skating to the middle of the rink as she screamed to her guys from a distance “so what are we waiting for, let’s start working on this thing, you slackers”.  
Yuzuru laughed & started skating to the center of the rink as well, while Misha followed them behind amused. He had been right in choosing “Middle” as the song for these two. He gave himself an imaginary high five in his mind, because sometimes he was so good, he even surprised himself. 

As they all placed themselves in the center of the rink, Misha smiled & he simply said, “Ok, let’s start everything from the top”.  
Evgenia & Yuzuru stood in front of the other while they waited for the music to start & for the first time in the three hours they had been practicing together they both felt those same butterflies that always appeared before an important routine. They both smiled at each other as if they could sense what the other one was feeling & while the first notes of “Middle” started, he grabbed her hand to start the routine & she breathed deeply enjoying the moment because at that moment she knew things were going to be alright.


	12. Day 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some points to make  
> * The shirt that Yuzuru is wearing is the same one I mentioned in chapter 7, there's a link in that chapter so you can see the design of the shirt. As I said before I'll explain the meaning behind it later on.  
> * I've never tried Russian chocolates, so my base for the references of this type of candies come from what the internet has informed me.  
> * Padawan is a term from Star Wars, it basically means apprentice or pupil (in case you didn't know).  
> * Bento is a Japanese style packed lunch.  
> * I've never been to Japan, but one of the things I learned from anime is that in Japan they have vending machines for everything & Google informed me that yes they do have vending machines for bentos as well.

The second day of training started in a sluggish mood for the trio in the gym. Evgenia was the first one to hit the ice & while she waited for the boys to put on their skates, she recalled the memories of this morning which brought some heat to her cheeks as she reminiscence about it. She immediately hit her face softly with the palm of her hand to calm herself, when she saw that Yuzuru was skating to the center of the rink where she was waiting for them, while Misha stood in the corner of the rink talking with a guy that seemed to be part of the gym’s staff.  
-“What are you doing?”, asked Yuzuru curiously, as soon as he reached her.  
-“Just warming up”, said Evgenia embarrassed.  
-“You warm up by hitting you own cheeks?”, he asked teasingly.  
-“I was just cold”, she lied unconvincingly, “I was bringing warm to my own face”, she said continuing with her implausible excuse.  
-“I got it, next time you tell us you’re cold I should just hit your cheeks”, he said jesting.  
She rolled her eyes at his words & simply said “you’re spending too much time with Misha, you’re starting to sound like him”  
Yuzuru just laughed & then she finally noticed he was wearing the shirt she gave him this morning as his belated Olympic gift.  
-“Are you going to wear that today?”, she asked flustered.  
-“Yeah, aren’t we supposed to wear the gifts we receive from our friends?”, he stated unfazed.  
-“Yes, of course. I just didn’t think you will wear it so soon”, she answered lamely.  
-“Well, I like it”, he finished in a matter of fact tone.  
Immediately after Yuzuru said those words, Misha appeared at their side & interrupted their conversation by saying “I also liked my belated Olympic gift”  
-“What did you got”, asked Yuzuru in an inquisitive tone.  
-“Chocolates of course”, responded Misha, as if it should be obvious.  
-“You only brought him chocolates?”, questioned Yuzuru surprised.  
-“These are not only chocolates you innocent Padawan”, explained Misha in his best professor voice, “these are Russian chocolates & they are the most underrated producers of diabetes that your taste buds could enjoy”, he confirmed while relishing the memory of his candies that by now were sadly gone.  
-“This glutton is obsessed with Babaevsky chocolates”, revealed Evgenia bored, “I don’t really understand why he likes them, I prefer the ones from Alenka”  
-“That’s because your taste buds are not as refined as mine”, said Misha in quite a childish voice.  
-“No, that’s because dark chocolate is gross”, she rebuked in an infantile tone.  
-“Besides my gift is better than the one from Yuzuru”, continued Misha “I don’t understand what’s so cool about a shirt with numbers”, he mentioned puzzled.  
-“Well, this is a shirt that only refined eyes can understand”, answered Yuzuru in a cocky voice.  
-“Ok, you two nerds keep your weird shirt a secret” said Misha as he rolled his eyes “now, let’s start training”, he quickly said as he took some distance from them & started to impart instructions.

Four hours later they took a break to have some lunch at the gym’s cafeteria. As Misha & Evgenia returned to their table carrying two bentos they just bought from the vending machine, they saw that Yuzuru had his own bento that be brought from home.  
-“You never eat out right?”, mentioned Misha nosily.  
-“I just like the food from home”, said Yuzuru in a note that didn’t invite for more questions.  
Misha just shrugged his shoulders & concentrated in eating his bento as quickly as he could so they could return to the ice. In the meantime, Evgenia started observing Yuzuru carefully from the corner of her eye, while she ate her bento slowly. There was so much about Yuzuru that seemed a secret even for them that were his friends, she knew he was extremely reserved but she couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad that sometimes he kept them at arm’s length as well. Like the fact he had been staying in Sendai since the Olympics ended, but he never mentioned it to any of them. He seemed fine with the joking & teasing, but he never revealed much about himself. Misha mentioned he met Yuzuru’s mom & sister when they came to visit him at the training rink in Sendai, but she suspected they weren’t going to be invited to his home for dinner anytime soon. A penetrated gaze took her out of her thoughts & she blinked as she saw Yuzuru observing her silently.  
-“Something wrong?”, he asked slowly.  
-“No, why do you ask?”, she questioned after getting out of her trance.  
-“You’ve been watching me quietly for a while”, he pointed out as he grabbed another bite of his food.  
-“I’m sorry”, she said embarrassed.  
-“Don’t worry”, he said smiling. But this time the smile felt more polite than honest & although Evgenia noticed, she kept her thoughts to herself as she continued eating her food. But while she could silence her voice she couldn’t silence her thoughts that kept musing around about the masks we wear, but as she knew by experience, we can only keep that façade for so long.


	13. Day 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things to point out  
> * You might notice by now, that if I mention a movie, series or anime it's going to play a role later on.  
> * Evgenia it's spending more time with Misha than with Yuzuru in this chapter because I want to build the contrast for what it's going to be her relationship with Yuzuru at the beginning. As I said before this is a slow romance, so it's going to take a while for things to develop in a romantic way.  
> * Johann Johannsson is the author of the soundtrack of "The theory of everything", sadly he recently passed away, his soundtrack for this movie reminds me to the music of Dario Marianelli, who created the soundtrack of "Anna Karenina" & as we know that's the music that Evgenia used this year in the Olympics.

The third day of practice passed in the blink of an eye for Evgenia. She felt quite relaxed by the end of the day as she stretched outside the ice rink after putting on her sneakers again. She was happy with today’s training, because despite only working together for three days, they had almost finished with the whole choreography. Yuzuru’s suggestions made things easier, after they agreed to change the most difficult elements of the program so they could concentrate in staying synchronized instead of being technically proficient, training became less stressful. After finishing her after-training routine, she left the dressing room to look for Misha so they could return to their hotel & she found him talking with Yuzuru & a lady that really resembled him, close to the entrance. As she quietly observed them from a distance, she saw her bowing to Misha as Yuzuru repeated her action & then she saw them quietly leaving together. As soon as they left, she walked to Misha’s side & simply asked “what happened?”.  
-“Oh, that was Yuzuru’s mom”, said Misha distracted.  
-“Is everything alright?”, asked Evgenia worried.  
-“Kinda”, he said a little bit annoyed, “it’s just that Yuzuru is not coming tomorrow for training”  
-“Why?”, she questioned in a concerned voice.  
-“He has an interview to give as well as some photoshoots for two endorsements according to his mom”, he stated bothered, “I’m not really sure, the schedule of that kid sounds too crazy”.  
-“Well, thank God we almost finished the choreography right”, she mentioned trying to cheer him up.  
-“Yeah, I’m not really worried about that”, he shared in an absent minded tone, “we only need to synchronize both of your triple toe loops & we finish this thing”  
-“Then what it’s the problem?”, she asked.  
-“There’s no problem”, he said unconvincingly, but she knew there was more that he wasn’t telling her. “What do you say if we practice our solo numbers tomorrow?”, he asked changing the subject, “we’re already paying for the rink anyway”, he said trying to convince her.  
-“Sure, but don’t get jealous when my number is better than yours”, she said playfully.  
-“Don’t lie to yourself Janny, we all know the only reason Dreams on Ice sold out is because I signed up for that thing”, he joked while crossing his arms.  
-“I thought it sold out because Yuzuru is part of the show”, she told him rolling her eyes.  
-“Shhh”, he said, “don’t ruin this for me”, he continued in a childish voice that made her laugh. “So, are you ready to go back?” he suddenly asked.  
-“Yep”, she said as she picked up her bag & then pushed the door of the gym to open, so they could walk to the van. “What do you say if we see a movie after we reach the hotel”, she mentioned as they strolled until they got to the car.  
He groaned as he opened the door of the van for her & said “No Janny, I’m not going to watch Sailor Moon with you”  
-“Sailor Moon is an anime, not a movie”, she protested as she sat in the backseat.  
-“Whatever”, he said after sitting next to her & asking their driver to take them back to the hotel.  
-“But there is a movie that I’ve been saving to see in Netflix”, she continued in a persuasive tone.  
-“Which one?”, he asked curiously.  
\- “It’s called ‘The theory of everything’”, she told him excitedly.  
-“Haven’t heard of it”, he revealed distractedly.  
-“It was nominated for an Oscar”, she said firmly.  
Misha laughed & he simply said “what’s with you & Oscar nominated movies?”  
-“What do you mean?”, she asked looking right at him.  
-“Remember when you recommended me to see ‘The Artist’ because it won an Oscar” he said putting on air quotes as he imitated her voice.  
-“I don’t talk like that”, she objected, “And ‘The Artist’ is a beautiful film”, she justified resolutely.  
-“It was a silent film”, he told her in a dismissive tone.  
-“Which made it unique”, she argued again.  
-“No, it made it extremely boring, I fell asleep in the middle of it”, he grumbled.  
-“You don’t have good taste, you like dark chocolate & you love Marvel movies”, she said petulantly.  
-“Which makes me a connoisseur really”, he claimed in a smug voice.  
-“Marvel movies are overrated, they only focus on the special effects”, she continued making her point.  
-“Well, it doesn’t surprise me you don’t like Marvel”, he said while his eyes twinkled with the promise of a taunt.  
-“And why is that”, she asked in an interested tone.  
-“Well because you’re a movie snob”, he supplied as a fact.  
-“I’m not”, she stated while wrinkling her forehead in displeasure.  
-“Says the girl who only watches Oscar nominated films”, he teased.  
She laughed happily after his comment, and during the rest of the ride back to the hotel, they continued debating which movie they would see as soon as they reached their rooms. Evgenia ended up winning the argument & an hour later they both fell asleep watching “The theory of everything” while the notes of Johann Johannsson played in the background making the atmosphere feel like a lullaby.


	14. Day 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some reminders to understand the story  
> * Today I'm uploading two chapters again because this chapter doesn't have much of Yuzuru & I wanted you to see the contrast with the one from Yuzuru that comes after.  
> * I had a hard time finding a theme for Misha, because he usually goes for songs he can dance to & I don't really listen to that type of music, but I found a video of him dancing to a song called "I Got Love" & somehow I can imagine him using this song for an exhibition number. Here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqTEmB4QZpM  
> * The reference to Evgenia's "deathly" numbers come from an article I read from Vox, you can read it here https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/2/22/17040376/evgenia-medvedeva-olympics-figure-skating  
> * Seimei as we know it's a Japanese song that Yuzuru used for his FS at the Olympics.

The first day of training without Yuzuru felt odd for her, it had been just three days since they started working together & she already got used to seeing that guy in a daily basis. She now understood why pair skaters had a difficult time finding a new partner once their relationship ended, because when you finally found someone you felt comfortable with on the ice, it was hard to let go. She knew she shouldn’t get attached, because when she finally returns to Russia to continue her training, the dynamic would be different. She moved her head in frustration as she tried to put those negative thoughts on the side because overthinking only complicated things, so instead she concentrated on the task at hand, which was observing Misha’s movements in the rink.  
She had been standing in the same corner for the last three minutes watching him dance around on the ice at the rhythm of “I Got Love”. She stayed in trance watching his final movements & how at ease he felt at this element. This is where Misha shined, when he wasn’t subjected to the restrictions that figure skating demanded by requiring to perform certain components that limited their creativity. As she saw him lift his hand on the air while hitting the last note of the music, she started clapping to show her support. As soon as he finished, Misha skated to her side & smiled appreciatively at Zhenya before asking  
-“So what do you think?”  
-“I think it’s going to be a real shame not being able to see you perform in the ice anymore”, she told him honestly.  
-“Well, I’m not competing anymore, but I’ve been wondering if I should continue doing exhibitions”, he shared coyly.  
-“I think you should do it, I know I would pay big bucks to see those dance moves again”, she said to support his idea.  
-“Well thankfully for you, I don’t charge my friends, so you would always have a first row seat at my shows Janny”, he told her happily.  
Evgenia smiled & teased “you know Misha, you would be the perfect guy if only you could start showing some respect to milk chocolate & watched some proper anime”  
Misha laughed & ruffled her hair before saying “come on nerd, hit the ice & make me proud”  
She rolled her eyes at his taunt & started skating to the center of the rink. As soon as she reached the right place he put herself in position by kneeling on the ice until she heard the first notes of “Dark Paradise” playing. While she felt the music enthralling her, she concentrated in emoting the sense of loss that the song expressed & as she rose to continue the choreography, she let herself get lost in the moment & feel each note of the song as she displayed her heart on the ice. 

A few hours later while returning to the hotel after training all morning, they started discussing their solo programs.  
\- “So why didn’t you include the Lutz in your program?”, asked Misha curiously.  
\- “I don’t want to show all my tools in an exhibition, you know”, she answered evasively. But the truth is that she didn’t felt confident in that jump. She hadn’t had time to fix the edge of her Lutz & she really needed it for her SP & FS this season, if she wanted to catch up to Alina, because that jump was considered the most difficult in the ladies’ field after the triple axel. And while she had been able to land the triple Lutz in competition in the past, she knew she was never completely satisfied on how she performed it.  
\- “Well while the audience might miss your triple Lutz, they are not going to miss your ‘deathly’ numbers”, he joked distracting her from her thoughts.  
\- “What are you implying Misha?”, she asked oblivious of his upcoming jest.  
\- “Oh, come on. Don’t play dumb, you always do programs related to death”, he said teasing.  
\- “This program isn’t about death”, she answered firmly.  
\- “Janny, the lyrics of the song of your program literally say ‘I wish I was dead’”, he protested.  
\- “Well, I have to tell you that I chose this song because I wanted to capture the sense of loss of the lyrics”, she explained.  
\- “Which it’s related to death”, he argued.  
She laughed amused & said “So what do you want me to use for my programs then, Justin Bieber?”  
-“Why not?, Justin expresses simplicity at its best, after all you can’t get anything simpler than Baby, Baby, Baby”, he replied in a playful tone.  
She chuckled at his attempt of a joke, before he continued “Even Yuzuru is going to do a more fun number than yours”.  
\- “Really? He never told me what song he chose”, she shared.  
\- “All I know is that it’s a Japanese song”, he said distracted.  
\- “Like ‘Seimei’?”, she asked interested.  
\- “No, like the song of an anime, honestly can you two be more nerdy?”, he jested.  
She only laughed as an answer, but she suspected what song was the one that Yuzuru chose & honestly, she couldn’t wait to see his performance.


	15. Day 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More points  
> * I didn't invent Evgenia doing a quad Salchow, she has mentioned she has practiced it before in interviews.  
> * I hope Evgenia nor Yuzuru come too OOC in this chapter. I realize the image we have of both of them is that they're easygoing persons but I think than in order for Evgenia to choose to leave Eteri she has to be very frustrated. And I do think Yuzuru can be serious, Brian has talked about how intense he's when its about skating, so crossing fingers this chapter came out fine.  
> * The part of Yuzuru leaving Nanami Abe is something he has talked about before, so I'm just taking his words & putting it into the story.  
> * On day 93 it's going to be the presentation, after that I'm taking a two week break from writing, that's it for now.

Today it had been their last day of training before they traveled to Yokohama for the “Dreams on Ice” show. And she knew she was going to miss this kind of training environment, the camaraderie, the laughs, these weren’t things she could get in Russia because everyday it was a competition, everyday it felt like she was part of a battle where only the fittest girls could survive. They had just finished the choreography for the “Dreams on Ice” show & while Misha went to change she stayed on the ice practicing by herself. It was rare to have a solo session on the ice, at Eteri’s gym she had to share it with Alina & Polina (Tsurskaya), that’s without counting all the juniors that worked out on that Training Center as well. When she first became a skater, she was in the same position as those girls, looking up to the seniors, dreaming of being on their shoes. Now that she was on the other side, she wanted to be a junior again, she wanted to feel the same excitement she felt when she participated in her first senior competition instead of having this constant fear that her best days were leaving her behind, she wanted to be able to land the same quads as those young girls did. “Maybe I could try”, she thought. So, she slowly started skating around the rink, and little by little she took speed & as she took a deep breath she took impulse & jumped in the air, trying the quad salchow she saw them perform so many times & for a few seconds she thought she got it, but the pain she felt when she hit the ice made her realize it had been a fleeting dream & she had fell on her first try.  
-“You need to work in your rotations if you want to land a quad”, said a voice from outside the rink.  
As she stood up, she saw Yuzuru looking curiously at her from the door of the ice rink & she said annoyed “I thought you went back home”.  
-“I’m going to be staying at the same hotel as you tonight, so we’re going to be returning in the same van”, he supplied as an answer to her unformed question.  
-“Why?”, she wondered aloud.  
\- “Your hotel is closest to the airport than my house, we’re leaving early tomorrow, so it’s easier”, he said in a matter of fact tone.  
She slowly skated where he was standing & as soon as she left the ice, she started walking awkwardly on the concrete floor with her ice skates still on until she reached a chair in the corner & she quickly sat to unlace her skates.  
-“Do you really want to land a quad salchow?”, he asked curiously as he stood near her.  
-“I was just playing around”, she told him in a nonchalant voice.  
-“If you want to master a quad, you need to perfectionate your triples first”, he said self assured.  
-“My triples are fine”, she answered irritated.  
-“Your Lutz has problems”, he observed.  
-“Well not everybody can be textbook perfect as you”, she told him while putting on her sneakers “I’m doing my best”, she stated seriously.  
He didn’t seem offended by her words & only replied, “your best isn’t enough if you want to land a quad”  
-“I’m not going to do quads, I already told you I was just playing around”, she said in an evasive tone.  
-“It’s your ambition who should speak for you, not your frustration”, told her Yuzuru cryptically.  
He left her cold with his words & at that moment she hated that her emotions could be so transparent that he could read her so easily. She didn’t want to be analyzed by him, but at the same time, she knew that if anyone could understand what she was going through, it was him. After all, he had been in the same position as hers before with Javier (Fernandez) who had been his rival & training partner for years, just like she was facing now with Alina.  
\- “What would you do in my place?”, she asked unsure.  
He looked at her surprised that she would go to him for advice, but quickly recovered & said “I would find a new coach”  
\- “Eteri is the perfect coach for me, she has taken me where I am”, she protested offended.  
\- “And now you need to go further, and she cannot help you to reach that level”, his words seemed to feed the doubts in her mind, but she refused to listen.  
\- “You think that just because we trained a couple of days together suddenly you know everything about me”, she told him angrily.  
\- “I don’t know you more than you know me”, he said bluntly.  
\- “Exactly, you don’t know how Eteri really is, I’ve been with her my whole life, she has been my mentor since I was 6, just because you could discard your old coach as if she was nothing, doesn’t mean I can do the same”, she accused.  
\- “Do you really think that’s what I did?”, he asked in a cold voice.  
\- “I don’t know what you did, because you never tell us anything”, and as soon as she recriminated him, she regretted her words.  
He didn’t answer her accusations & they stayed quiet for a minute until she murmured “I’m sorry, that was rude of me”  
He didn’t acknowledge her apology & instead he said “It was Nanami-san who recommended me to leave Sendai”, she looked at him startled that he would share something so personal with her, after their argument. Their eyes met & he told her softly “I didn’t want to leave, but she knew I had outgrown her, I needed to leave if I wanted to improve, if your coach is a good person, she’ll understand”,  
Before she could answer, they saw Misha leaving the dressing room & they stayed quiet waiting for him. When he reached them, he looked at them funnily & said  
-“Did I interrupt something?”  
“Only our complaints for your tardiness”, answered Yuzuru wearing a polite smile, before she could even think of an excuse.  
Misha only rolled his eyes & said “Well let’s go before I fall asleep on the ice”.  
As they walked to the van she heard Yuzuru confirming to Misha that they didn’t need to make a stop at his house to pick up his bags, as his mom had already delivered everything to their hotel that morning. And during their ride back to the hotel, she tuned them out & closed her eyes pretending to sleep, but her mind couldn’t rest when her plans for her future where filled with more questions than answers. The truth is that her presence in Sendai was an excuse to escape the reality that awaited her in Russia. Being part of the “Dreams on Ice” show, was just a deflection because she didn’t want to face reality, she didn’t want to accept that her future had already been written for her & that she couldn’t do anything to stop the machinery that created her & that now was ready to discard her. She didn’t want to assume her life wasn’t under her control because that prospect scared her, as she knew that the day she accepted things it would be the day she would give up, so she endured.


	16. Day 92

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes  
> * Tomorrow I'll publish two chapters that are about Day 93.  
> * I've wondered for a while if I'm making Yuzuru too OOC but I was listening to an interview that David Wilson (choreographer of Yuzuru & Yuna Kim) did about Yuzuru & he mentioned that Yuzuru talks like a coach when its about skating, so I think maybe my interpretation of him is not that far off.  
> * You might notice by now that the advice that Yuzuru gives to Zhenya is not entirely altruistic & I planned it that way, I wanted him to win something from this, otherwise he would be advising everyone to go to Brian Orser.  
> * The idea of making Zhenya his rival came because of an interview that Yuzuru did a while ago where he mentioned he really liked the consistency of Evgenia & how that was something he lacked. I know that men & women figure skating are different in many ways, but I do want to explore this friendship/ rivalry that would develop into something else with time.

Evgenia was still sleepy when they got into the plane & she felt like a zombie while she walked to her seat. She knew she was going to try to sleep throughout their flight, because she had been unable to sleep after her conversation with Yuzuru, after all it was impossible to rest when she had more doubts than dreams. But she didn’t want to think much about their discussion, she only had two more days in Japan before she had to go back home, so she planned to push her problems to the side & enjoy what little pleasure she could get in these last moments of freedom. But as usual, it was difficult for her to conceal her emotions because she always expressed everything with every core of her being, even when she didn’t want to, she always wore her heart on her sleeve. That’s why she couldn’t hide her discomfort with Yuzuru that morning during breakfast & while Misha didn’t comment on her behavior, he already suspected things were awkward between them. Thankfully, she was going to be able to avoid having any other awkward interaction with Yuzuru because they weren’t sitting together in the flight & with their busy schedules on the show, the only alone time they could have together would be on the ice with their pair number, which suited her just fine, because right now the last thing she needed was for Yuzuru to continue voicing the doubts she had been keeping hidden inside herself for so long.  
Just as she was thinking that, she saw Yuzuru approaching her seat & putting his bags on the overhead compartment of her seat, before he sat next to her.  
-“What are you doing here?”, she asked annoyed. “That’s Misha’s seat”  
-“He forced me to exchange seats so we could be friends again”, he said in a mellow tone.  
She immediately stood up & walked two rows behind, before finding Misha putting his pillow next to the window as if he was preparing to take a nap.  
-“What are you doing?”, she questioned irritated.  
-“I was planning to go to sleep, until you came to interrupt me”, he answered in a quip tone.  
-“This is not your seat”, she continued her complaint.  
-“Yeah, well I like the window seat better”, he replied bored.  
-“You could have asked me for it”, she insisted.  
-“It’s easier to ask Yuzuru, because he usually throws less tantrums than you”, he said shooing her away.  
At that moment a flight attendant walked to their side & told her “You should go back to your seat miss; the plane is going to be leaving soon”  
“Yes miss, go back to your seat”, said Misha in a mocking voice, while Evgenia returned to her seat still bothered with the whole situation.

After she sat next to Yuzuru again, she took out her headphones to avoid getting into an argument with him again, but before she could execute her plan, she heard him ask  
-“Are you still mad?”  
She looked at him surprised for how direct he was being & she said “I’m not mad”, but when she looked at him again, she noticed his incredulous expression which showed that he didn’t believe her, “at least I’m not mad with you”, she revealed to explain herself.  
-“Then who are you mad at?”, he asked curiously.  
-“I don’t know, reality?”, she answered lamely.  
-“Reality is always our biggest enemy”, he told her seriously, “but I do want to apologize if I said anything that offended you yesterday”  
His apology widened the guilt she felt inside, so she only murmured “don’t apologize for being honest”, she knew she would feel better if she shared her fears, so she elaborated “I’m just having a hard time coping with, I don’t know, everything”, she said awkwardly. “The truth is that I do want to fix my Lutz, I want to improve it because I know that otherwise I’m going to be left behind”, she confessed.  
-“I had trouble with triples at the beginning of my career as well”, he shared & his admission made her feel better about herself.  
-“You never told me that”, she said more relaxed.  
-“I don’t like to admit my failures”, he shared.  
-“How did you fix it?”, she asked intrigued, “because your jumps are perfect now”  
-“Brian forced me to return to the basics”, he answered in an aloof tone.  
-“He did?”, she inquired amused.  
-“Yes & that’s what you should do. Return to the basics”, he told her as if he was certain that was her main problem.  
-“I wish I could”, she told him in a disappointed voice, “but I don’t have time for that, I have to start practicing my SP & FS the minute I land in Moscow because the season is going to start very soon. I also have to improve my stamina because this time I’m going to backload all of my jumps”, she said basically enumerating her schedule for him.  
-“That’s a mistake”, he spoke convinced.  
-“Excuse me?”, she said taken away by his bluntness.  
-“Brian always says that skating is more than jumps & technical scores, it’s about finding a balance”, he explained.  
-“Well Brian is your coach, he’s not mine”, she pointed out.  
-“Maybe he could be yours”, he suggested calmly.  
-“I already told you, I’m not going to leave Eteri”, she remarked defensively.  
-“Leaving her doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate what she did for you”, he clarified, “it means that you have surpassed her training methods, it means you’re a better skater & you need something else”  
-“But I don’t know if I’m better than Eteri, I’m not even the best at her rink”, she said admitting one of her deepest fears.  
-“Just because Alina beat you, it doesn’t mean that she’s better than you & even if she is, it doesn’t mean that this is your limit as a skater”, he conveyed so convincingly that he shattered all of her walls.  
She didn’t answer for a while, until she quietly disclosed “I wish I could have your confidence”  
-“You have to trust your training, but I don’t think that you’re doing that right now”, he concluded.  
-“Why do you want me to train with Brian?”, she asked in a wary tone.  
-“I’ll tell you, if you tell me why you don’t really want to leave Eteri”, he answered challenging her.  
-“Ok”, she murmured unsure, “I’m scared to leave & still fail”, she finally said.  
-“That’s a risk you’ll have to take”, he advised. “Going to another coach doesn’t mean you’re going to win medals it just means you need something different. The type of skater you are it’s not always reflected in the few minutes of performance you have in front of an audience”  
She accepted his words as a truth that her heart needed, words she wanted to believe so she could remain hopeful, and then she softly reminded him “Your turn”  
-“You remind me of Javier”, he supplied “technically he wasn’t the best, but in artistic performance he was better than me. He pushed me to be better, you always need a rival if you want to improve, someone that would challenge you”  
She took his words by heart without understanding what was the point of telling her this, until he said “Javier already confirmed to the Cricket Club he’s retiring from competition, so I need a new rival”  
She looked at him surprised as she finally understood his plans for her “You want me to be your rival?” She asked startled “That’s impossible, I’m not as good as you”  
-“You’re only as good as you believe you can be”, he said firmly.  
When she looked at him unconvincingly, he justified his words by saying  
“You’re only looking at your own flaws, because you’re not feeling confident, but you need to be objective about yourself in order to improve. Your skating has qualities mine lacks, just like my skating is better than yours in other components. For example, your consistency is something I lack & your artistic performance is something I admire”. His words filled her with pride, with a renewed trust in herself & as their eyes met, he continued “I honestly believe we would make each other better, because you need to work with someone who is better than you at what you lack if you want to continue growing”  
-“Alina is better than me on the technical components, just like you, so why can’t I grow as a skater by training with her”, she questioned still unconvinced.  
-“Because you’re not trying to beat her by exploding your strong points, you’re planning to beat her by doing the same thing she does”, he replied.  
She looked at him astonished, because the last thing she thought he would do was to analyze her skating in such detail. He looked at her with understanding & he finally said “Just think about it”, she nodded & for the first time she accepted that maybe she didn’t know the real Yuzuru at all. This guy sitting next to her wasn’t the easygoing smiling person she knew. This Yuzuru showed an infinite confidence behind his words, that few people in life had, less of all in their field of choice. She always thought that it was raw talent & dedication that made Yuzuru the legend he was on their world, but now she realized he was more than that & at that moment, she asked herself if she had what it was needed to even stand in his shadow.


	17. Day 93 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some last points to make  
> * So here it is, the last two chapters before my two week break, the reason why I'm taking some time off it's not only because I need a break after publishing daily since I started this fic, but also because next week I'm returning to college & I already have some things to do because this is my last year before I graduate.  
> * When I return to write this fic, I'm only going to publish one chapter per week, maybe two per week if I have time, but it's going to be difficult. Anyway the new chapter it's going to be published two Mondays from now & after that I'm only going to publish on Mondays.  
> * For her "Dark Paradise" presentation, I can imagine Evgenia wearing something similar to this outfit but with a skater skirt of course http://www.shopyourtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/blairwaldorf.png  
> * The dress of Evgenia for "Middle", it's a simple white lace dress, something like this, https://www.lulus.com/products/it-s-a-new-day-white-lace-skater-dress/423952.html  
> * I'm not a reggaeton fan, but if you're not aware of it, that type of music is very popular in Latin America & all the songs are very sexual.  
> * I wanted to do a reference to Game of Thrones for a long time, my other obsession besides skating (nailed it!).  
> * As you might guess, the solo exhibition number of Yuzuru is based on the song "Unravel" from Tokyo Ghoul, here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0v3ajXh5S0  
> * I know some of you might find the whole thing with the mask weird, but the favourite character of Yuzuru is Kaneki & he wears a mask in the anime. So here is a picture of the less creepy version of the mask I could find https://www.ebay.com/itm/Mask-Kaneki-Ken-Face-Masks-Zipper-Cycling-Anti-Dust-Anime-Tokyo-Ghoul-Cos-Gifts-/182589195792  
> * I can finally explain the shirt, "1000 -7" is a famous quote from "Tokyo Ghoul", that basically means that the main character Kaneki used that mental exercise while he was being tortured so he could keep himself aware of what was happening. Here Yuzuru uses the quote to make a reference to the series but also to remind Zhenya that just like the main character she can keep herself distracted from her nerves, by doing the same mental exercise than Kaneki.  
> * "We need to have a mask we never take off", is another famous quote from Tokyo Ghoul, I recently started watching the series, so I can get more references while writing the fic, and I find it very interesting that Yuzuru really likes this show bc it suits the image that I have of him & that I'm portraying in this fic.

Impatience wasn’t an attribute that she was known for, but that was the feeling that she had through the morning before the show. After all, most of her morning consisted in interviews with different members of Japanese media to talk about the show “Dreams on Ice”. And while a part of her appreciated the distraction, because keeping herself busy allowed her to push the problems she wasn’t ready to face under the carpet, she couldn’t help but dread that her last hours in Japan had to be giving interviews instead of spending time with her friends. After all this was going to be the last time she stood on the same ice as Misha, unless he continued doing exhibitions as he had hinted. She wasn’t going to see Wakaba again either until the season started & Ekaterina (Bobrova) one of her few Russian friends was debating her retirement to fulfill her longtime dream of becoming a mother. Overall, she felt this season would be the end of an era, that went beyond the finale of her reign as the top female figure skater & she wasn’t looking forward for this new season & her new reality to kick in.

After she finished her last interview, she walked to her dressing room to get ready for the show that would start in one hour. Today she had two presentations, first her solo exhibition number of “Dark Paradise” & at the end of the show, Yuzuru & her would be closing all the programs with their choreography to “Middle”. After changing on her outfit for her solo number & putting on her makeup, she walked around backstage looking for a friendly face to distract herself & escape her overthinking mind. And just as she was closing the corner connected to the ice rink she ran into Wakaba (Higuchi) who was laughing around with one half of the Shibutani siblings. Zhenya waved to them before approaching & as soon as she was close to the girls, Wakaba went for a hug excited, as Maia (Shibutani) joked aloud.  
-“Girl, you don’t look tanned at all”, she said, hugging her after Wakaba.  
-“Yeah, well I spent most of my Summer indoors”, replied Evgenia.  
-“You didn’t go to the beach?”, asked Maia interested.  
-“I’m not really into the beach, at least in Russia, the water is very cold”, explained Zhenya.  
-“Well maybe you should vacation somewhere else, Alex (Shibutani) & I went to Mexico this year with our parents & the water was lovely”, countered Maia.  
-“Maybe one day”, said Evgenia in a non-committed way.  
-“So, I heard you’re going to try ice dancing now?”, asked Maia changing the subject, “are you trying to leave me without a job”, she questioned entertained.  
-“Well it’s not really ice dancing, it’s more like pretending to have some coordination on the ice with Yuzuru”, justified Zhenya.  
-“Well I’m curious to see how it works”, said Wakaba sympathetically.  
-“Me too, I hope that Yuzuru falls on his butt, so I can finally be better at something than him”, replied Maia with a taunt in her eyes.  
-“Don’t be mean”, lectured Wakaba after laughing at Maia’s antics.  
-“I’m just joking, jeez”, spoke Maia as she rolled her eyes, “so why are you dressed as if you were going to a funeral?”, she questioned Evgenia.  
-“It suits the theme of the music I choose for my exhibition”, answered Zhenya diverted.  
-“What is your song?”, inquired Maia while raising one eyebrow.  
-“Dark Paradise from Lana del Rey”, supplied Evgenia.  
-“Why it doesn’t surprise me that you’re going for depressive topics for your exhibition? Live a little girl, let your hair down & skate to some reggaeton in the background for once”, declared Maia as an advice.  
Evgenia laughed & she simply said “Pass”  
-“Are you doing a number to reggaeton with Alex?”, asked Wakaba curiously.  
-“I mean I like the music, but it wouldn’t suit us, we love each other but we don’t want to look like a pair of Lannisters on the ice”, replied Maia while looking at her nails.  
-“So what are you skating to?”, wondered Evgenia aloud.  
-“Well Oasis of course, if we’re going to play a pair of siblings we rather play the Gallaghers than the Lannisters”, shared Maia.  
-“And who are you supposed to be?”, asked Wakaba amused.  
-“I guess I am Liam, after all I have a better singing voice than Alex & besides he hates Taylor Swift, just like Noel, so honestly it’s a match made in heaven”, said Maia in a teasing tone.  
Evgenia & Wakaba laughed again at Maia’s wit, and Evgenia felt herself loosen up during her girl talk. She didn’t want to lose this, she wished she could stay in this moment forever, with her problems confined in the back of her mind while she relished in this small period of time that was a supply of simple & pure happiness. This moment where she wasn’t Evgenia Medvedeva, Olympic silver medalist & half of the rivalry of the Russian ladies, but just Zhenya, an 18-year-old girl who wanted to be young & silly for once.  
-“So are you wearing this same dress for your presentation with Yuzuru?, asked Wakaba taking Evgenia out of her thoughts.  
-“No, I’m wearing a white lace dress for that number”, explained Evgenia trying to focus in the conversation.  
-“You’re both going in white?”, questioned Maia interested.  
-“No, Yuzuru is going in black”, told Zhenya while tilting her head to the side, trying to imagine how he would look like on the ice wearing casual clothing for once.  
-“Emo Yuzuru?, I like the idea”, said Maia grinning.  
Evgenia laughed wondering what funny thoughts would be running in Maia’s head, before she said “It’s more about the contrast you know, the song of our pair number is called Middle, so Misha thought we should wear contrasting colors to express the message of the song”  
-“That’s clever”, replied Wakaba.  
-“Yeah, so clever that I’m almost doubting that was Misha’s idea”, joked Maia. Just as she was planning to continue her teasing, they noticed Yuzuru was coming their way with the other part of the Shibutani siblings tagging along. “Well, look who it is”, started Maia. “Isn’t emo Yuzuru himself?”  
-“You don’t approve of my outfit?”, asked Yuzuru as soon as they reached the girls.  
-“I think the dark vibe suits you, but it’s weird to see you wearing something without glitter”, was the only reply of Maia.  
-“Stop flirting with Yuzuru in front of me, you’re going to make me gag”, teased Alex.  
-“Yep, that’s my move, I always comment on how men need more glitter to show that I’m interested”, said Maia sarcastically.  
Yuzuru ignored Alex & he simply answered with a smile “Well you will have to shine for both of us then Maia”  
-“Consider it done”, she responded in a tone that made everyone in the group laugh.

Later on, after the show started, Evgenia stood alone with Yuzuru by her side watching the Shibutani siblings performing their number at the rhythm of Wonderwall. “So aren’t you changing for your solo number?”, she finally asked curious knowing he was the next to perform.  
-“I already changed”, he replied in a matter of fact tone.  
-“But you’re wearing the same thing we’re going to be wearing in our pair number”, she pointed out.  
-“That’s because you haven’t seen my mask yet”, he said taking out the mentioned object out of his pocket.  
-“I knew you were going to use Tokyo Ghoul for your solo number, you’re such a nerd”, she replied excitedly taking the mask out of his hands.  
-“Says the girl who skated to Sailor Moon”, quipped Yuzuru smiling.  
-“At least I got into character by wearing the outfit, you’re only wearing black clothing”, she protested.  
-“And the mask, don’t forget the mask”, he said, taking the mask out of her hands & putting it back on his pocket.  
-“Of course, who can forget the mask?”, she replied rolling her eyes.  
\- “No one should, after all ‘we need to have a mask we never take off’”, he said quoting the series. But as he walked to the ice rink to begin his number, Evgenia wondered if he meant those words in more than one way.

An hour later after they both had finished their solo numbers, they were standing together again, but this time they were waiting for the number of Han & Sui to end, so they could close the show with their performance of “Middle”.  
-“Don’t look so nervous Medvedeva”, said a voice in the corner & as they both turned she saw Misha smiling at them while walking to their side.  
-“It’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one that it’s about to go on the ice”, she objected.  
-“I didn’t know you got so nervous before a show”, noted Misha.  
-“I’m normally not as nervous as I am right now, but tonight I feel a little bit out of my element”, she said trying to justify herself.  
-“Well then count backwards from 1000 minus 7 for as long as possible”, said Yuzuru making her smile.  
-“What is that going to achieve?”, asked Misha puzzled.  
-“No, that’s perfect, that’s the best advice I’ve ever got”, said Evgenia enthralled.  
Just as Misha was going to ask what did Yuzuru meant, a member of the staff of the show, let them know they had to go on the ice rink in less than a minute. She smiled apologetically to Misha while Yuzuru held her hand pulling her along so they could walk to the ice rink & she took a deep breath to relax before they got to the ice, because it was time to face the music.


	18. Day 93 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final notes  
> * I wanted to finish this chapter before my two week break, with Evgenia accepting her feelings, at least to herself. As you might noticed, I left hints in every chapter showing that she did feel more than friendship for Yuzuru, but she wasn't acting on it. I don't know if she does have a crush on Yuzuru in real life, sometimes it does feel like it, but maybe I'm reading too much into it.  
> * As I mentioned before, the song for this number is "Middle" from DJ Snake & Bipolar Sunshine, here is the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOKqNxN4jWM  
> * I want to dedicate this chapter to Aljona & Bruno, who are my favourite skaters, I probably love them more than I love Evgenia & Yuzuru, and actually they're the reason why I became a skating fan bc two years ago I saw a video of them performing & I fell in love with their skating. So the number of Yuzuru & Evgenia is very inspired by their exhibition number of "Up all night", but of course minus the throws & as I said before Yuzuru is not going to carry Evgenia around, here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEDssXamR3g&t=187s  
> * That's it for now, see you in two weeks.

As they reached the center of the rink holding hands, she couldn’t help but feel a knot in her stomach. She knew this was different from any other presentation she had before, this time she wasn’t the only one on the ice. She could feel a shiver running through her spine whether for the excitement or the fear she sensed inside herself or maybe a little bit of both, but somehow her legs felt like they were going to give up on her at any time, but a squeeze on her hand diverted her from her doubts & then she knew, she couldn’t fall because he was at her side. At that minute she felt Yuzuru giving her strength through the contact of their hands, so she did her best to zone out the crowd & only concentrate in the warmth of their joined hands.  
-“Are you ready?”, he whispered as they positioned themselves in front of the other.  
-“No, but let’s do it anyway” and just as those words left her, the music started.  
They looked each other in the eyes, as they’ve done each day in practice & she relaxed when she felt him pulling her to his side as they had rehearsed for uncountable times. He lifted her hand & she let it down, as if she was a broken doll. And as he lifted the other, she repeated the movement. He lifted her head & she felt the contact of his skin arising feelings inside her that wanted to burst. But instead of letting go she continued the choreography & looked down. As she stood in the same position, he circled her & a few seconds later she felt him grabbing her hand again & he pulled her once more, drawing the road ahead with such an ease that made her feel lost & although every step was rehearsed, she knew she was already gone. She felt he could guide her anywhere & she would follow him blindly to any distance as long as he was the one leading the way, but then their contact broke & he released her hand as she continued going at the rhythm of the music until she reached the cue of the song & she jumped into the air alone, feeling her heart jump with her until she hit the ice again.  
Then she returned to his side & he stood behind her, pulling her slowly, grabbing her wrist & moving in the same way, as one. The notes of “Middle” kept playing as they got ready for their step sequence & they separated as they drew intercrossed lines with the blades of their skates through their paths, she saw him smile at her from the corner of her eye. “He feels it too”, she thought, “this feels right”. And they continued each step as if it was second nature & they had been in synch their whole lives.  
As they seamlessly followed the choreography & reached different corners of the rink they started doing their backward crossovers before they jumped in unison to hit the layback so they could get ready to do their Biellmann spins & as they moved clockwise at opposite sides of the rink, she felt more secure in her steps than she had felt in a long time, that familiar rush of excitement returned to her body, reminding her that this was what she was meant to be, that she would never feel as alive as that moment & she smiled to herself as the fire in her heart burned stronger than ever.  
Once they finished their spins, they both returned to the center of the rink & he gripped her hand tightly as soon as they made contact again & somewhere in the distance, the melody of the song became less audible as she felt every nerve on her body lighten up by his touch & while he twirled her around as they continued the choreography she felt a fluttering feeling in her stomach that she recognized but that she didn’t want to name as they continued this dance she wasn’t ready to end. The rational part of her brain kept yelling at her nervous system, that this was Yuzuru, so she shouldn’t be feeling this way. But her brain rarely won in these situations, because when she was on the ice, her heart was on charge and at this moment, more than ever, her heart was running wild. And as they approached the end of their number, she felt him twirling her for one last time while the gears of her heart were grasping at every emotion that threaten with taking over & messing her up. And just as easily as it started, it easily ended & she woke up to reality when she felt his arms around her & she noticed the music had stopped, but despite the screams of the crowd, the only thing she heard was the thumping of her heart.  
And while they looked at each other in the eyes, and he let go of their hug to thank the crowd, the lights returned to the arena, and she felt the magic vanishing because the show was over, life had returned to its normal pace. But she didn’t feel ready to push everything inside her again, she knew this time she wouldn’t be capable, not when every feeling she had locked inside her was about to erupt.  
“It’s game over”, her heart whispered.  
“I know”, her brain replied.


	19. Day 101 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes  
> * Hello again, I wanted to publish yesterday but I had to do some late changes. I'm going to try to publish every Monday from now on, it's not always going to be two chapters so don't get used to it.  
> * I wanted to mention the World Cup because it's taking place in Russia around the time this story it's taking place & my country Peru is finally going after 36 years.  
> * The World Junior Championship took place recently & I took the time to see all the young skaters from Eteri & man, these kids are amazing & it scares me how good they are for the future of Zhenya. Hopefully she's going to improve her technical content to be able to compete with them.

Going out to train these days in Moscow was under a different atmosphere. The World Cup was about to start & the city seemed to be alive with a different kind of fever. Everywhere she went there were people with flags on the street & at every corner she seemed to run into football fans smiling & chanting to cheer for their teams. The happy mood that surrounded her city reminded her of the happiness she felt when the Olympics of 2014 took place in Sochi. Of course, she couldn’t compete there, she was still just a junior back then, but she remembered the hope she felt of building a different future than the one she had at the moment. She imagined herself standing in the same place where Yulia (Lipnistkaya) stood, moving the audience, the way Yulia moved her when she performed her “Schindler’s List” number. Instead when it was finally her time to be at the Olympics, this time in PyeongChang, she only felt crippling fear, fear that she had missed her moment even before it arrived. And as she saw the hope in all these strangers’ eyes, she felt sorry for them, because she knew hope was the easiest feeling to transform in disappointment. 

That morning, like every morning since her return from Japan, she made sure to be the first to arrive for training at Sambo 70, the Training Center that had Eteri as their main coach. She knew arriving early allowed her to get some extra time on the ice that was going to come on handy on the long run for the goals she had set for herself, but she also did it because she knew she couldn’t afford to take anything for granted in her position. After all, she wasn’t the only one that had joined the main group from Eteri, that now consisted of not only herself & Alina, but also of Alexandra (Trusova), the new junior star from their team that early that year became the first woman to land two quads in competition at the Junior World Championship. The inclusion of Alexandra didn’t leave Eteri much time for her other students, which meant Polina (Tsurkaya), who previously worked with the main group, had been demoted to work with Sergei, just like she experienced a month ago after her unsatisfactory performance at the World’s Championship. This indicated of course, that her competition was stronger than ever & that remaining relevant in Eteri’s gym was going to be a constant battle & it was going to be a prelude of what would she be facing once Alexandra made it as a senior. But Alexandra was just one name in the list of other juniors that Eteri had. Girls that just like her had ambitions & dreams, girls that were younger than her & who could do the same jumps than she did & that in a few years would look to replace her, & as she skated alone that morning, she couldn’t help but dread to know that the faces that smiled everyday at her at the gym were the ones that would mark the end of her world as she knew it.

A few hours later, the three of them were on the ice, Eteri imparted instructions every time she saw a fall & by the time she finished her training, she could feel the familiar pain on her muscles, which meant it had been a productive practice. Pain was a welcoming reminder that her achievements were earned, that for every triumph she had in her life, she had to make sacrifices, because nothing worth having, came without a price & her life was a living proof of that. As she sat close to the rink putting on her sneakers, she watched Eteri’s group of juniors arrive. Today, it was the presentation of their short programs to compare their levels & improve on their components. And as she remained sited watching Anastasia (Tarakanova) take the ice & observed each one of her movements, she couldn’t help but compare her program to the ones of Alina, Alexandra or even hers. They were all the same, everyone backloaded, everyone jumped with Tanos & Rippons and everyone was interchangeable. Eteri once told her, that she was the best product of their factory & at one time that tittle had filled her with pride, but now she started to ask herself if she wanted to be something bigger than just a product, a skater with her own sense of identity & not a simple commodity in a system of mass production. As Anastasia covered the ice to execute her last jump, the words of Yuzuru came back to haunt her “you’re not trying to beat her by exploding your strong points, you’re planning to beat her by doing the same thing she does”. And then she saw the pattern, Alina was an improved version of herself, and Alexandra would be an improved version of Alina, the cycle would continue in a structure that was created to make them replaceable. So, could she stand for that? Could she settle for being another name in a list of forgettable Russian names or could she believe in herself and answer the roar of her heart that burned with ambition. “You’re only as good as you believe you can be”, the voice of Yuzuru resonated in her mind again & the memory brought her hope. And as she stood up to return home, she knew she had taken a decision that would change the rest of her life.


	20. Day 101 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra notes  
> * So my original plan was to make the second ice show "All that skate" from Yuna Kim, but I recently read that Yuzuru is planning to do his own ice show "Continue with Wings" in April, so I changed my plans. Of course now my story is taking place around June. So I changed the dates in the fic for the ice show of Yuzuru to take place in July, so Janny would be going there instead.  
> * Hikikomori is what most Japanese people think about when they think about the term otaku, they're basically very reclusive people who don't socialize much & prefer staying alone in their rooms isolated.  
> * The phrase "Don’t forget your original intention”, it's something Abe Nanami actually said to Yuzuru, and I think it fit the advice that Zhenya needed.  
> * Well that's it for now, I would post again next Monday :)

She hadn’t talk to Yuzuru since she returned from Japan. She knew she would see him again next month after she joined the group of guests he personally invited for the first ice show under his name “Continue with Wings”, but after their pair number at “Dreams on Ice” she made sure to stay away as much from him as she could. It wasn’t enough that he kept voicing every doubt she had inside herself, but after skating together it had become harder to pretend she didn’t have feelings for him. But while she could recognize to herself that her longtime admiration for Yuzuru had evolved into these untamed feelings she didn’t want to acknowledge, she didn’t want to admit it to anyone else & less of all to him. After all, she had other priorities in her life & love is not something she could fit into her schedule, besides it was silly to have expectations about Yuzuru returning her feelings. He was just as busy, and they were just too different. She doubted he even thought about girls that way, everything in his mind was about skating & if she wanted to go to Beijing, she should take the same approach. So, with that thought on mind, she took a deep breath before she made the call.

His phone only rang one time before he answered.  
-“I was waiting for you to call”, said Yuzuru skipping the hellos & then he went straight to the point by asking “So have you made your choice?”  
-“I have”, she said trying to sound more secure than she felt.  
-“Good”, he simply replied. “If you’re calling me, I assume it’s because it’s a positive answer”  
-“I want to go”, she told him trying to hide her fears “but it’s not going to be easy”  
-“You need to convince your Federation”, he supplied as if he could read her thoughts.  
-“That’s one of the problems”, she agreed.  
-“What other problems you have?”, he asked curiously.  
-“Eteri of course & my mom”, she responded.  
-“If they want you to succeed they would agree”, he remarked casually.  
-“My relationship with my family & my coach is not the same one as yours”, she supplied annoyed by how nonchalant he was being.  
-“So you’re giving up before trying”, he noted calmly.  
-“I’m not giving up, I’m just saying that it’s not going to be easy”, she answered irritably.  
-“You’re a figure skater, you should know by now that nothing is easy for us”, he observed flatly. “You need to talk with Brian, I’ll text you his number later so you can call him tomorrow”  
-“I think I need to talk with my mom first”, she pointed out.  
-“No, talk to Brian first. He would know what to do. Besides telling him your plans would force you to continue with this choice”, he instructed evenly.  
-“Do you think he would want me?”, asked Evgenia unsure.  
-“You need to stop second guessing yourself. If I believed he wouldn’t want you, would I’ve recommended him for you?”, he questioned in a firm voice.  
-“I’m just asking because he must have his hands full with you & the rest of his students”, she responded in a hesitant tone.  
-“He mostly trains men, but he does advise Gabrielle (Daleman) & Elizabet (Tursynbayeva) from time to time, so he would probably check with them before bringing you to Toronto, but he is going to want you here, I’m sure of it. He’s a good guy, but he’s also an ambitious coach. Since he stopped working with Yuna (Kim) he has delegated his work with female skaters to the other coaches of The Cricket Club, but I’m sure you would change his mind”, he shared & his report gave her confidence that she was making the right choice.  
-“I hope so. At what time should I call?”, she asked in a more optimistic voice.  
-“I’ll let you know, I’m going to talk to him first”, he replied.  
-“You’re doing too much”, she murmured quietly.  
-“I am, but after all this is not only for you”, he admitted in a matter of fact tone.  
-“I wonder if you will regret this when you realize what a lousy rival I am compared to Javier”, she said trying to make a joke.  
-“You don’t need to be Javier”, he retorted seriously, “you need to be Evgenia Medvedeva”. “I told you before, your skating has qualities I desire & that even Javi doesn’t have”, he told her in a self-assured voice.  
-“So how does Yuzuru Hanyu treats his rivals?”, she asked in a teasing voice trying to change the tone of the conversation. She had that habit, every time things got too serious for her liking, she resorted to jokes because she knew how to handle the easygoing Yuzuru, while the one that she had been interacting with lately made her feel disarmed.  
-“You will find out once you’re here”, he continued her game making her feel more secure.  
-“Should I prepare for playful pranks & frisky bullying?”, she wondered in a quip tone.  
She could feel the smile in his voice before he answered “Yes, I usually stuff Winnie Poohs in the lockers of my rivals”  
She laughed wholeheartedly before continuing their banter “I guess I should retaliate & paint a mustache on your face while you sleep. Although I don’t know if that would be a punishment or a reward, because maybe that will help you to look like you finally reached puberty”  
-“Can I choose at least the type of moustache that you will paint?”, he asked entertained.  
-“No, I already decided, it’s going to be the perfect villain moustache that would go perfectly with your rivalry bullying methods”, countered Evgenia.  
-“I guess I would have to get a moustache for Pooh as well to match my new style”  
She laughed at his wit & then she scolded herself when she realized she had been flirting. Really? Didn’t she just convince herself that Yuzuru & her were a bad idea. And here she was giggling like a lovesick fool, mortified by her own behavior, she took a deep breath to calm herself before she noticed she had been quiet for too long.  
-“Are you ok”, asked Yuzuru suddenly.  
-“Sure, why do you ask?”, she questioned awkwardly.  
-“You were silent for a while”, he alluded.  
-“I was just trying to imagine how things are going to be in Toronto once I get there”, she excused herself with the first thing that came to her mind.  
-“I’m not the right person to ask, I don’t know the city that well myself, I haven’t been out that much” he shared.  
-“You don’t go out anywhere that much Yuzuru”, she said bluntly.  
-“Fair enough, but in my defense after training the last thing I want to do is to leave my room”, he justified.  
-“Yeah, I don’t go out that much either, I guess we’re just a pair of hikikomoris”, she pointed out.  
-“I guess we are”, he replied.  
-"I wonder how hikikomoris organize their ice shows", she said taunting him.  
-"From the comfort of their own rooms of course", he responded in a cheeky tone, "I forgot to ask you, the organizers of the show want us to do the pair number again, but I told them I would ask you first because the truth is that I’m not going to have much time to rehearse because I’m already working on my two numbers for next season", he explained.  
-"That’s ok, if I move to Canada I’m not going to have much time either. In fact the more I think about it, the more unsure I am about this. Can Brian really accept me this late into the season? I’m already working in two numbers with Eteri, maybe I should wait for next season before I make the move", she wondered undecided.  
-“Don’t forget your original intention”, he stated in a serious tone.  
-“What?”, she asked puzzled.  
-“That’s something Nanami sensei told me after I landed the triple axel for the first time”, he clarified. “What is your real goal Zhenya?”, he suddenly asked.  
-“To become a better skater”, she quickly answered.  
-“No, that’s what you have to do to get your goal”, he retorted.  
-“But that’s my goal”, she insisted.  
-“If that’s your goal, then why aren’t you happy? You are a better skater than you were last year”, he observed.  
-“But you can always improve more”, she said unsure if she was trying to convince him or herself.  
-“Of course you can, but this is not about improvement, why are you scared of saying your goal?”, he asked defying her yet again.  
She didn’t answer & her silence spoke stronger than her words.  
-“You want to get gold at the Olympics”, he said giving voice to the desires she didn’t want to admit, because if she didn’t have expectations, then her failures wouldn’t hurt as much.  
-“Everyone wants gold at the Olympics”, she contended as if she had to justify herself.  
-“Then say it”, he repeated.  
-“Why are you making me do this?”, she asked uncomfortable.  
-“Because you shouldn’t be ashamed of wanting things. You shouldn’t settle. Fight for what you want & don’t be afraid of admitting it”, he boldly declared.  
-“What is your goal?”, she questioned thinking it was only fair he answered the same question he formulated himself.  
-“I’ll tell you, if you tell me”, was his only reply.  
-“You always do that, it’s unfair”, she told him annoyed.  
-“Life isn’t fair”, he said amused.  
-“I want to get gold at the Olympics”, she admitted reluctantly.  
-“Then you have to start working towards your goal as soon as you can, because the longer you wait the more difficult is going to be”, he advised.  
-“And what is your goal?”, she asked again.  
-“I want to be considered the best skater of all times”, he admitted confidently.  
-“You’re already considered that”, she told him baffled.  
-“No, I only achieved the same thing that Dick Button & Karl Schaffer have done, there’s another man with three Olympics golds”  
She laughed at his admission because it was just like Yuzuru to try to achieve the impossible, but after all he seemed to thrive on proving things were never impossible for him, so she simply said “Nothing is ever enough for you huh?”  
-“I’m an ambitious person”, he said unashamed.  
-“I wonder if you have any ambitions beyond skating”, she questioned before realizing she had voiced her thoughts aloud, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that”.  
-“It’s ok”, he said calmly “life beyond skating it’s something that I don’t like to think about”, was the only answer he gave her.  
-“Yeah, I get it, me neither, this is all I know, since I was 3 I knew I wanted to be a skater”, she admitted more relaxed, because for some reason her deepest fears didn’t seem unfamiliar to him.  
-“You don’t want to give it up”, he said in an understanding tone.  
-“No”, she replied softly.  
-“Me neither. One day, I know I would have to give it up, but right now I’m just working to fulfill my original intention. For now, this is enough”, he told her evenly.  
-“For now this is enough”, she repeated, but inside herself she knew it wasn’t. But while she could voice her skating dreams, she wasn’t ready to admit she had desires that went beyond skating. So, she settled.


	21. Day 102

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, it's been a long week, so the next chapters are going to be chronological to see the journey of Evgenia before she leaves Russia.  
> * My original plan was different for Alina, in my story she ended up winning the Worlds 2018, but as you know she had a tough experience in the World's this year, I'm going to include her more in the story, not as a villain of course, but I also want a happy ending for Alina, hopefully you will like to read some of the chapters that include her in the future as well.  
> * Now I know I have some Russian readers, I don't want to offend anybody, but the Russian Federation is not going to be painted in the best light in this story.

The whole day of practice she had been a nervous mess, she managed to continue working on both of her programs to the best of her capacities, but the truth was that her brain could only think about the call she would have with Brian that afternoon. Yuzuru already texted her his number early in the morning, confirming her that he had talked to Brian already & that he seemed interested, but would he remain interested if she didn’t receive the support of the Russian Federation for her decision? As practice ended, she got ready as fast as she could, so she could call Brian on the way home, but just as she was leaving, she heard a voice that said.  
“You seemed off in the ice today”, she turned around to see Eteri watching her with her arms crossed standing close to the dressing rooms.  
“I’m sorry, tomorrow in practice I would do better”, she mumbled apologetically, trying to avoid meeting Eteri’s eyes, with the fear she may read her thoughts.  
“It’s there anything you want to tell me?”, asked Eteri suspiciously.  
“Not really, just that the mistake of today would not be repeated”, answered Zhenya uncomfortably, avoiding Eteri’s gaze again.  
“Let’s see if you can fulfill that promise”, stated Eteri before leaving her standing alone & returning to her office.

As she headed home, she made sure to be a good distance away from the gym before she made the call. She knew that as soon as she talked to Brian (Orser) she would have made her final choice, she wouldn’t be able to change paths after this. Yuzuru was right, talking with Brian first would force her to continue in this road & she knew that as difficult as making this choice was, what awaited her was going to be even more challenging. This is why she couldn’t call Brian from home, because she couldn’t risk her mom knowing her decision before she was ready, she wanted to know the obstacles she would face ahead so she wouldn’t back down in her choice, so after making sure no one familiar was close to where she was standing, she made the call.  
-“Hello, Brian Orser speaking”, said a gentle voice on the other line.  
-“Good afternoon, this is Evgenia Medvedeva”, she spoke unsure.  
-“Oh, nice to finally hear from you. It’s still afternoon in Russia? Here is 10 pm”, he said in an affable tone.  
-“Oh I’m sorry for calling so late then, maybe you will prefer if I called tomorrow?”, asked Evgenia vacillating.  
-“No, it’s better to do this right now”, was his plain answer, “so Yuzuru mentioned you’re interested in coming to Toronto?”, he questioned intrigued.  
-“Yes”, she answered quickly trying to inject some secure tone in her voice.  
-“Why?”, he asked curiously & she dread she continued to be confronted by Yuzuru first & now his coach, couldn’t they just agree to help her without questioning her decisions, so to avoid getting too personal , she simply answered.  
-“Yuzuru thinks a coach like you would help me to improve my abilities”  
-“So this is his idea & not yours”, was Brian’s response & she could feel the disappointment in his voice, so she quickly told him.  
-“No, it’s my idea too, I agree with him as well”  
-"If this is your idea, I want to hear your honest thoughts”, he told her in an understanding tone & although she didn’t know him, she felt she could trust him, so she told him the truth.  
-“I want to improve my technique, I want to go back to the basics”  
Brian only laughed as an answer & she remained silent not understanding his reaction until he said “Yuzuru really trained you in how to say the right thing huh?”  
-“What?”, she questioned confused.  
-“That’s the same thing he said when I asked him why he wanted to come here, and then he got annoyed when I tried to train him that way”, said Brian amused.  
-“I wouldn’t do that”, she told him reassuringly  
-“I know you wouldn’t”, he said this time seriously, “but do you honestly know what you’re asking me?”  
-“Is it too difficult to do what I’m asking?”, she asked scared, but his answer gave her hope as he said.  
-“It’s going to take time, my training methods take a while to work”, he said sincerely, “but the real question is, do you have the patience to wait?”  
She asked herself that question so many times, but she couldn’t back down now, so she concentrated in his original intention like Yuzuru suggested & asked “Would I be ready for Beijing?”  
-“So that’s your goal huh?, I suspected, yes I will make sure you’re ready for Beijing”, he told her in a tone that encourage her, so she said  
-“Then yes, I will do anything”  
-“Ok then”, he told her in a voice that showed he was pleased with her answer, before he asked “so have you talked with your Federation yet?”  
-“No I haven’t”, she confided.  
-“Good, because they would have said no if you go unprepared”, he stated sternly.  
-“That’s what I’m afraid of, I want to go to Toronto, but the Russian Federation has the policy that their skaters should only work under Russian coaches”, she entrusted him.  
-“I know that, but there’s a way we can do this, although it would be difficult”, he told her sincerely.  
-“How?”, she wondered curiously.  
-“You’ll have to convince them that your training in Toronto it’s beneficial not only for you but also for them”, he disclosed in a frank tone.  
-“Well if I improve, I can represent Russia in a better way in competitions, that’s beneficial for them too”, she said trying to make sense of his words.  
-“That’s not enough, if you improve that still benefits you mostly, I know how they think because this is the same mentality that I had to deal with when Yuna (Kim) first became my student”, he shared candidly.  
-“So, what should I say?”, she asked unclear.  
“I’ve been thinking about it all day”, he told her pensively, “but I think you will have to appeal to their ego”, he concluded. “Russia has barely made the podium this year at the Olympics, the only exceptions are Alina & you, and both of you are Eteri’s students, so going to another Russian coach with no winning experience shouldn’t be an option. Canada in the other hand got three medals in three different figure skating disciplines, without counting we won the Team Skate as well, this means our Federation it’s doing something right. And two of the male medalists at the Olympics this year were trained in our gym”, he declared secure.  
-“I don’t know how that would appeal to my Federation”, she told him unconvinced.  
-“You want to be a coach after you retire right?”, he suddenly asked leaving her confused.  
-“Yes”, was her only answer.  
-“Would you learn more from copying the mistakes that other Russian coaches are making or by working abroad? Even Eteri worked abroad before she returned to Russia to work as a coach”, he shared & through his words she finally understood his train of thought. “To convince your Federation, you cannot appeal to them as a figure skater, you will have to convince them as a future Russian coach that will work with them”.  
-“Ok”, she responded softly knowing the road ahead wouldn’t be easy.  
-“Now, I’ll have to warn you, even with these arguments, there’s the chance they would still say no” & while his advice was honest, she couldn’t help but dread that the picture he painted for her future seemed so bleak.  
-“So what should I do?”, she asked unconfidently.  
-“The Federation cannot stop you from coming here, but they can stop funding you if they don’t like your decision”, he replied & his answer continued feeding her doubts, so she shared his biggest fear.  
-“I don’t have the money to pay you without their support”  
-“If it comes to that we will make a plan, the idea is that you do not wobble in your choice. I’ll take a chance with you, if you take a chance with me”, and as he said that she understood why Brian was such a successful coach, his athletes didn’t only seem to have the best technique in their field, but more than anything they seem to have found a surrogate father in him, so she answered to his kind words by saying.  
-“I will, but will I work with you or with one of the other coaches of the team?”  
Brian laughed again & in an amusing tone he asked “Yuzuru has been telling you how things work here huh?”  
-“A little bit”, she said a little bit embarrassed.  
-“When you come here I’ll work with you, I’ll be your main coach. Granted, my focus since Yuna (Kim) left shifted to train the men of the team, but if you come that will change”, he stated earnestly.  
-“Thank you for this opportunity”, she said sincerely.  
-“No problem, so now, let’s review how to make this work before you approach your Federation, because the truth is if we’re going to work together, I need you to be here as soon as possible”, he told her in a serious tone.  
And an hour later she finished her phonecall with Brian, finally feeling ready to face the road ahead.


	22. Day 103

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * So this chapter is for Laryssa that really likes happy endings.  
> * Evgenia's dad is Armenian & his last name is Babasyan, but she doesn't use his last name (her parents are divorced). I'm not going to assume things about their relationship in real life, but I'm going to assume certain things for this story, again it's just to push the story where I want.  
> * That's it for now, see you next Monday, thanks again for all your lovely messages.

Her days off were normally indoors. Since she started working with Eteri she had kept a tight schedule of training 6 days per week & when she was still on school, her one day off was used for her to catch up on all the classes she missed. Now that they were in the middle of Summer vacations from college, she could use her day off to relax, but she knew that today of all days wouldn’t be a relaxing day. As she sat in front of her mom to have breakfast together, she tried to remember all the advice she got from Brian the previous day & as she remembered every detail of their careful plan, she took a long breath to calm herself down before she started this difficult conversation.

-“Something wrong”, said her mom while sipping her tea.  
-“I actually need to ask for your help for something”, said Zhenya anxiously.  
-“Are you in trouble with Eteri again?”, asked her mom while putting her mug down in the table.  
-“No, I mean, I took a very difficult decision, but I’m not going to be able to continue with this choice without your help”, said Evgenia earnestly.  
Her mom gave her a puzzled look, and in her expression, she could read her unformed question, so she told her the truth.  
-“I’m leaving Eteri”  
-“That is a bad idea, she’s the best coach in Russia, did you forgot what happened to Yulia (Lipnitskaya) when she left or how things turn out for Adian (Pitkeev)?” said her mom, but this time Evgenia didn’t fell pray to her doubts, and she told her in a secure tone  
-“I know it’s a risk, but if I don’t do this, I’m going to be left behind”  
-“If you’re left behind it’s because you’re not working hard enough, not because of your coach”, replied her mom, and her words hurt her like a slap.  
-“I work hard, this is not about working hard, this is about finding what’s right for me”, said Zhenya injecting her voice with a security she didn’t feel inside of her.  
-“And who is the coach that is right for you? Mishin? Vodorezova? Urmanov? None of them have any relevance in ladies’ figure skating now, if you go with them, your career is over”, her mom sentenced, but Evgenia refused to back down & she stated  
-“I’m not going with them, I’m not going with another Russian coach”  
Her mom gave her a surprised look, before she understood her plan as she said “You’re planning to go abroad”.  
Evgenia only nodded & she gave her mom a pleading look before she told her honestly “But I cannot do this without you”  
And for the first time, Evgenia could see fear in her mom’s eyes before she asked “Where are you planning to go?”  
-“Canada”, was the simple reply of Zhenya.  
-“So it’s Brian Orser”, murmured her mom & Evgenia only nodded as an answer, until her mom broke the silence by asking  
-“Have you talked with him already?”  
-“I did, we talked yesterday”, shared Zhenya.  
-“And you’re sure of this”, asked her mom & Evgenia put all the confidence she wanted to convey in her answer  
-“I am”  
-“If you go, I cannot go with you, I have a job here Zhenya”, said her mom & Evgenia felt her hope leaving her, in her childish dreams she imagined leaving with her mom to Canada, discovering a new country together, maybe building a stronger relationship. But her childish dreams had to be buried & she had to face reality as an adult so she answered somberly  
-“I know”  
-“I cannot leave your grandma alone either, I have to stay”, her mom said again.  
And as the prospect of a lonely future sunk in for Zhenya, she felt less confidently with her choice, but she still said “I know I’ll be alone”  
-“It’s not only that you’ll be alone, you know how the Federation is, they can stop funding you”, her mom reminded her.  
-“If it comes to that, I have sponsors, I’ll use that money to pay Orser”, replied Zhenya.  
-“That money is for your future, it will support you when you stop skating. And who knows if they would continue to fund you if you leave”, her mom told her bluntly & Zhenya gave her a hurtful look when she didn’t feel the support she needed in her words, but her mom only said “Don’t give me that look, I’m being realistic”  
-“So what do you want me to do? To stay here & wait for the inevitable outcome”, she said annoyed feeling tears forming in her eyes but stubbornly she refused to cry.  
-“No, this is a difficult choice, but if you take it you cannot back down”, her mom stated in a serious tone, but Evgenia's reply came only as a murmur  
-“I’m not, I’m betting the next four years of my life on this”  
-“Only four?”, her mom asked surprised.  
-“I’ll retire after Beijing”, she said in a more confident tone.  
-“You’ll only be 22 by then”, expressed her mom as if she wanted to change her mind.  
-“You know that’s ancient for this sport, by then I would know enough to become a coach after that. This is my last chance as a skater, so I would give it my all”, she confided in a soft voice.  
-“If the Federation refuses to help you, I cannot do much, you know I don’t earn much money, but your father does”, and her mom’s words felt like a blow to her soul.  
-“I don’t want his help”, she said determined.  
-“You said you’re betting everything in this choice right?”, asked her mom.  
-“Yes”, was Evgenia’s only answer.  
-“Then leave your pride behind. Your father loves you, he might not be the best at showing things, but he cares for you, so I know he would support you with this. Don’t punish him for how my relationship with him turned out”, said her mom in an understanding tone.  
-“It’s not that”, she replied adamantly, refusing to back down.  
-“I know it’s painful he has a different life & family. But when you’re alone in Canada you’ll realize how difficult is to leave your own home. Your father never felt comfortable in Russia, I always knew inside of me that he wouldn’t be happy here, but I tried. It’s better to try & to fail that never try. Talk to him, before you talk with the Federation”, was her mom’s advice & Evgenia knew this could be her only chance to continue on this path, so she only nodded before she said  
-“I also want to talk with Eteri”  
-“Yes, you should do that. Don’t wait until the last minute, she deserves that much at least”, spoke her mom in a stern voice.  
And as Evgenia hear her words, she asked unsure “Would you go with me to talk with the Federation?”  
Her mom gave her a sympathetic look before she said “I will, but you need to talk with Eteri by yourself”  
-“Thank you mom”, was Evgenia’s small reply & she looked at the floor trying to put her thoughts in order before she felt her mom’s arms hugging her as she softly spoke to her  
-“Don’t thank me, fulfill your dreams, this is all I want”  
This time the tears that formed in her eyes, refused to listen to her orders & she could feel herself crying & she finally asked a fear she had all her life “Did you ever regret leaving figure skating for me?”  
-“Not one day. My future wasn’t to be the best figure skater of all times despite how much I wanted to believe that. My future was to be the mom of the best figure skater of all times”, her mom’s words filled her heart with so much love it felt it would burst & Evgenia laughed between the tears as she said “I don’t know about the best figure skater, but you’re definitely the mom of the nerdiest figure skater of all times”  
Her mom laughed as well & she only said “That I am”  
And as they stayed joined in that hug, Evgenia knew they took the first step for a different journey for them.


	23. Day 104 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, this week I'm uploading two chapters as usual, they're about the same day, I calculate we will spend 6 more chapters or a little bit more in Russia before Zhenya moves to Canada.  
> * I know that for a romantic story we're not hearing much from Yuzuru lately, I promise once Zhenya is in Toronto we would hear more from him.  
> * I think everybody has their own interpretation of Eteri's relationship with Zhenya, this is mine, I think she's an important person in Janny's life, she's her mentor, as I said before I doubt in RL she would leave her, but in the story she's leaving her. Personally, I see Eteri as a very practical coach, someone who's very secure of her own abilities & despite her close relationship with Zhenya, I don't see Eteri as an overly sentimental person, so maybe my interpretation is too cold for some people.  
> * Tatiana Tarasova & Rafael Arutyunyan are very famous Russian coaches, Rafael is in fact Nathan Chen's coach & he trains abroad.  
> * Aleksandr Gorshkov is the president of the Russian Figure Skating Federation.

Since her return to the main group of Eteri she got into the habit of going to practice earlier than her teammates to have some extra time on the ice. In the past, when she didn’t feel pleased with her results, she used to stay on the rink after practice, working on her worst jumps or improving her speed on the ice, but these days she was doubling her efforts. Although today, her early appearance at Sambo 70 wasn’t related to her training, and it was noticeable from the clothes she wore, to her demeanor. Because today was the day where she would take the final jump, into a decision she would not be able to renounce anymore. And although she felt ready to face the outcome of her choice, she still felt fear as she knocked on the door of the office of the woman who had mentored her for most of her life.  
-“Come in”, said a familiar voice at the other side. And as she opened that door, she reminded herself that despite her fears, this was a necessary step to take.  
-“So are you finally ready to talk about things?”, asked Eteri blunty after Evgenia sat in front of her, which didn’t surprised her because her coach knew her so well, that she probably already suspected her decision. Maybe she even knew the whole time, so she only said  
-“I am”  
-“Ok, let’s hear it”, stated Eteri looking at Zhenya in the eyes.  
Watching Eteri carefully, Zhenya announced in the most confident voice she could muster “I’m planning to go abroad”  
-“Is it Rafael (Arutyunyan)?”, asked Eteri frowning her brows.  
-“No, it’s Brian Orser”, answered Evgenia in a soft tone.  
-“You haven’t really thought this carefully huh?”, questioned Eteri rhetorically.  
-“On the contrary, I thought about this more than anything in my life. I know it’s a huge risk, but I have to take it because this is my last chance”, explained Zhenya keeping her tone even.  
Eteri shook her head as she said “You haven’t thought about it, because if you had you would know the Federation would never allow you to leave for a foreign coach”  
-“I know it’s going to be hard”, replied Zhenya but before she could justify her reasons, Eteri interrupted her by saying  
-“It’s not hard, it’s impossible”  
-“I would convince them”, insisted Evgenia, “he’s my best chance”  
-“Your best chance is a man whose last winning experience with female skaters is from 2010?”, asked Eteri sarcastically.  
-“I know his focus is with male skaters now, but if I go to Toronto he would be my primary coach”, argued Zhenya.  
-“And what would that achieve? I’ve seen the girls from his gym, you want to do the same thing they do? Their programs aren’t competitive, you used to win over them for a margin of at least 10 points, so if your excuse for leaving it’s that you’re going for a better coach than me, then you’re lying to yourself”, remarked Eteri while deepening her frown.  
-“I need the change, if I want to have a chance in Beijing I need the change”, tried to explain Evgenia in vain, but Eteri continued feeding her doubts.  
-“So you’re dropping everything you achieved because you’re afraid of the competition”,  
-“I’m not, but you know I’m not as strong in their elements just as they aren’t strong in mine. We all do the same on the ice, I want to be different”, stated Zhenya scolding herself for sounding so unsure, she knew she needed to sound confident to convince Eteri & more than anyone to convince herself.  
-“Being different is not what makes you a winner. My method makes you a winner, our programs know how to work the system, do you think skating is a sport for individuality? That’s a lie, the most artistic skaters never win in our sport. In the history of figure skating it was always the most technical skaters that ended up claiming gold. Tara Lipinski beat Michelle Kwan & Adelina Sotnikova beat Yuna Kim, and then Alina beat you. But you’re refusing to change, if you want to beat Alina, you need to improve your technical content, you don’t need to go abroad to do that, you can do that from here”, pointed out Eteri convincingly. But her arguments were statements Evgenia already knew, reasonings she had analyzed herself to accept her defeat at the Olympics, her words were the proof she needed to realize she would need to push against the tide to succeed & to understand she would never be able to follow that direction under Eteri’s command, so she calmly said to her longtime mentor  
-“I know how things work, but I’m not going to suit the system, I’m going to do what I’m best at, I’m not going to beat Alina or any skater that comes later on by doing what they do best, I’m going to beat them by doing what I do best, even if I kill myself trying”  
-“You’re stubborn”, remarked Eteri frankly.  
-“I know, one needs to be stubborn if we train under you”, was the only answer of Zhenya & her words brought a small smile to Eteri’s face, who smirked before she asked  
-“Are you completely sure of this? And before you answer Zhenya, if you say yes, you cannot return to my gym as my student again. If you leave, you cannot come back, I don’t take quitters”  
Evgenia took a deep breath before she answered, but this time her voice didn’t wobble “I’m not quitting, I made my choice”  
-“Ok then, you’re an adult, you’re allowed to make your own mistakes. I’m not going to deny I don’t like your choice, but I respect that you came to tell me of your decision. When are you planning to talk with the Federation?”, questioned Eteri.  
-“My mom called them today, we set up a meeting in 3 days”, replied Zhenya trying to keep her tone even.  
-“If you’re sure of this, I’ll recommend you to talk with Tatiana (Tarasova), she has a good relationship with Gorshkov, if there’s someone that could help you make your case is her”, conceded Eteri as an advice.  
-“Would she support my decision of leaving?”, wondered Evgenia.  
-“She has a very good opinion of Orser, we all do, but my opinion of him is not good enough to recommend him one of my former students. But Tatiana is different, her words to the Russian Federation would be honest, unlike mine”, was the only answer Eteri gave her.  
Evgenia nodded & thanked Eteri before she stood up to leave. As her longtime coach walked her to the door, Evgenia’s attention turned out to one of the pictures in the room. It was a picture of Eteri & her at Skate America, her first Grand Prix as a senior & as she saw the picture all the memories of their time together came rushing to her & as Eteri opened the door, she heard Zhenya telling her in a small voice  
-“I honestly want to thank you for all the years we worked together, I know we didn’t always got along, but I wouldn’t be where I am without you”  
Eteri turned to look at her longtime student & gave her a hug before holding Evgenia’s face to say “I can only wish you good luck, whatever you do, don’t back down, I didn’t train you all this time for you to quit that easily".  
-“I won’t”, said Evgenia holding the tears in her eyes.  
-“Good”, was the simple reply of Eteri before she let go & as Evgenia left the office she heard Eteri’s last words  
-“Say goodbye to Daniil, Sergei & the girls before you leave, they will miss you”  
-“I will”, said Evgenia licking her lips nervously, “good bye and thank you”, was her final remark, but Eteri only shook her head, before she replied  
-“Don’t say goodbye, I’m not planning to die yet. I will see you in competition”  
Evgenia smiled at the nonchalant attitude of her coach so she answered confidently “I will see you in competition & I would beat you”  
Eteri laughed softly at her words before she quietly said “we’ll see”, closing the door to her office to return to her work. And as Evgenia saw that door close for the last time, she knew she was also closing a big chapter in her life.


	24. Day 104 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * As I said before, Alina is not a villain in my story, she's not bffs with Zhenya either, because I think they're friendly but not best friends, my image of Alina is that she's a very sweet & quiet girl. In my story, she's kind of an introvert.  
> * Sasha Trusova is a fan of Yuri on Ice, in fact she has a Maccachin tissue box, just like Yuri on the anime.  
> * There's a very fun quiz in Buzzfeed about what Yuzuru Hanyu program you are, I got "Romeo & Juliet", here's the link if you guys want to try https://www.buzzfeed.com/narcissa09/which-yuzuru-hanyu-program-are-you-33ryp?utm_term=.sbNdGkB5JZ&quiz_result=11549909_353903516#.mtv8E50vN1  
> * That's it for now, see you next Monday.

Walking around the gym that had been her second home for the last twelve years of her life knowing this would be the last time she would be here was more painful than she thought. This was the place where she felt at her lowest but also at her highest, where she celebrated her victories & where she promised to overcome her defeats, and now every memory she created here would be a part of her past. As she stood next to the ice rink where she had skated all her life, she asked herself if the gym of Brian would ever mean as much to her, as this place meant.  
-“You’re early as usual”, said a voice that took her out of her thoughts & as she turned around, she saw Alina looking at her curiously.  
-“Yeah, I had to talk with Eteri”, replied Evgenia with a sad smile.  
-“Any problems?” asked Alina as they walked together to the dressing room of the gym.  
Evgenia stayed silent for a minute trying to think how to bring out the news, but as they reached the changing rooms & she saw Alina taking her skating boots from her bag, she decided to be frank about things & she simply said “I was saying goodbye”  
-“Goodbye? Why?”, asked Alina surprised.  
-“I’m planning to go abroad”, was Evgenia’s honest reply.  
-“When are you leaving?”, questioned Alina sitting next to her bag.  
-“As soon as I get the approval of the Federation”, stated Zhenya after taking a seat close to Alina.  
-“And where are you going?”, wondered Alina in a sorrow mood.  
-“I’m leaving for Canada”, admitted Evgenia softly.  
-“You’re going with Yuzuru”, stated Alina, but Evgenia cut her statement by answering a little bit defensively  
-“I’m going with Orser”  
-“Is it because of me?”, asked Alina in a small voice.  
-“No, of course not”, said Evgenia reassuringly. “I want to give myself a chance, I need to beat my biggest rival & that’s myself. I need to start showing who I am through my skating”, declared Zhenya evenly.  
Alina frowned at her answer, before she muttered “That doesn’t make any sense”  
Evgenia sighed before she told her “If I stay here I wouldn’t be Evgenia Medvedeva, I would be Alina Zagitova, you’ve seen my new programs, they are very similar to yours last season”  
-“But all of our programs are similar, even the ones from the juniors”, argued Alina.  
-“That’s the point”, murmured Zhenya, “I don’t want to be another girl from Eteri’s group, I want to create my own path”  
After her confession, a comfortable silence fell over them, before Alina’s voice broke the quietness “You’re really fearless”  
-“I’m not, I’m scared of the choice I’m taking, but I want to fulfill my original intention”, revealed Evgenia.  
-“What does that even mean?”, asked Alina with a small laugh, because sometimes she failed in understanding Zhenya, but in some strange way her words made sense, as she knew that she hidden the reasoning behind her decision in the words she just declared.  
Evgenia stayed still looking at some lost point in the room before she answered her question “That’s something Yuzuru said to me, the truth is I have a dream, it’s a selfish dream, but it’s still my dream. And I don’t know if I would ever fulfill it, but I want to try, I want to give everything I have for the last time”  
Alina’s eyes widened at her disclosure, before she shook her head & told her “You really admire Yuzuru huh?”  
-“I think everybody admires him”, said Evgenia evasively, “after all he’s the best of all times”  
-“Well not everybody considers Yuzuru their hero, for example although I really respect him, I admire you more”, confessed Alina in a shyly voice.  
-“Me? That’s crazy, you have better jumps than I have, you saw how I tried to do your triple Lutz combo at the Worlds & failed”, stated Evgenia in a faltering tone.  
-“I don’t know if you remember, but when I first came to this gym my jumps weren’t that good & I remember I saw you & I thought you looked so effortless on the ice, that it made me want to give up because I thought I would never be as good as you”, interjected Alina quietly. “And then you went to compete at Rostelecom & you fell at the triple flip combination & ended up losing to Elena (Radionova) but instead of getting angry or disappointed you came back to the rink after the competition and stayed everyday after practice working on that jump and you never fell in another competition again through the rest of the season. And that’s when I knew your results didn’t came because you were effortless, but because you worked hard for them. So I know that maybe you haven’t nailed my combination yet, but I’m sure you will. Maybe your biggest rival is yourself, but you’re the one I’m chasing after”  
Alina’s words filled her with warmth & reminded her that the girl sitting next to her could may be her rival on the ice, but outside of it, she had the same fears & dreams as hers, so Evgenia simply replied  
-“Then I will work hard to be a worthy rival for you”  
-“You always do”, said Alina with a small smile.  
Evgenia looked up as she saw the rays of light hitting the corners of the room through the window and allowed herself to believe there would be a light at the end of the tunnel for her, before she softly murmured “Now you will be the most senior skater here”  
-“I guess I will be”, said Alina before taking her skating boots to start putting them on.  
-“Take care of the girls for me, love them as much as you love your chinchillas”, disclosed Evgenia trying to make a joke.  
-“If I pretend they’re my chinchillas I will end up overfeeding them” replied Alina with a smile after finishing lacing both of her boots & after a moment she quietly said “I’m going to miss you”  
-“I will miss you too, I will miss everything”, whispered Evgenia in a sad tone.  
-“Did someone die?”, asked a voice at the entrance of the dressing room & as they both turned they saw Alexandra (Trusova) walking quickly to where they were sitting before she started getting ready as fast as she could.  
-“Of course not, why do you ask”, questioned Alina curiously.  
-“Well you both looked super depressed, so I had to ask”, answered Sasha in a casual tone.  
-“Instead of worrying about that, shouldn’t you be worried about being late?”, asked Evgenia in a quip voice.  
-“I know”, said Alexandra in a stressed tone before she explained “I almost didn’t make it to practice because my mom’s car broke”  
-“Well you guys still have 5 more minutes before you hit the ice, so I guess I’ll leave you so you can finish getting ready”, said Evgenia after she stood up from her seat.  
-“You’re not staying for practice?”, asked Sasha as she finished putting on her skates.  
-“Evgenia is leaving, she’s not going to be training with us anymore”, replied Alina & Sasha finally noticed, Evgenia didn’t have her usual gym bag with her and that she was wearing jeans instead of the black leggings she always wore to practice.  
-“You’re leaving? Wait, are you having problems with coach again?”, wondered Alexandra aloud.  
-“No. This is my choice, I’m leaving to train abroad”, replied Evgenia softly.  
-“But you promised that we would go to Japan together”, said Sasha pouting.  
Evgenia gave the junior a tender look before she reminded herself that it would be a while before she could fulfill her promise, so in a guilty tone she told her “I’m not going to break my promise, we would go together as soon as I can, but right now I have to go to Canada”  
-“When are you coming back?”, asked Alexandra, out of the blue.  
-“I don’t know, but I will not lose contact with you guys, we still have the group chat. Besides we need to stay in touch, after all you’re the only one of the group that shares my love for Yuri on Ice”, said Evgenia to Sasha in a light tone, trying to change the mood of the conversation.  
-“Don’t start with the Yuri on Ice rant”, replied Alina rolling her eyes.  
-“Did you saw they just announced the date of the premiere of the trailer for season 2?”, said Sasha excitedly, falling into the new easygoing mood of the conversation.  
-“I know. I hope we can finally get a proper kiss in the new season, because Victor’s arm was covering the money shot last time”, countered Evgenia maintaining the atmosphere of their exchange.  
-“Ok this is too much, I’m leaving”, stated Alina as she fabricated a motion to pretend to leave.  
-“Oh come on Alina, join the dark side”, quipped Zhenya with a smile.  
-“No, thank you. I rather stay with the Rebel Alliance”, taunted Alina.  
-“Did you just make a Star Wars joke?”, questioned Evgenia, smiling even wider.  
-“I know, you’re a bad influence”, answered Alina in a perked up tone & both Evgenia and Sasha couldn’t help but laugh at her occurrence. Today was her last day at Sambo 70, but as she got lost in the amenable mood of the moment, she knew that in her new journey she would not only carry the memories of this place, but also the bonds that would last her a lifetime.


	25. Day 105

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, I'm publishing 3 chapters this week because I want to finish the Russian chapters quickly so we can finally move to Toronto, I assume next week I will publish 3 more chapters & then we will finally be in Canada.  
> * For the ones that don't know Evgenia has a younger sister called Karina.  
> * The idea with these chapters from Russia is not only for Evgenia to leave Eteri & face the Federation but also to build for different things in the future.

The last time she felt this emotionally exhausted was the day after the Olympics, but she could justify her current weariness with the fact that the day before hadn’t been a normal day for her. After all, yesterday was the day when she took a step forward to her new life, a life far away from everything she knew. But she knew her struggles weren’t over yet because she still needed to confront other predicaments in her life, trials she didn’t want to face, realities she wasn’t ready to defy. As she sat in her bed watching the phone in her hand, she took a long breath to gather some courage, until she felt brave enough to make the call. She waited hearing the phone ring while she tried to remember the last time she heard his voice, the last time he made an effort to talk to her, and the last time she allowed herself to be vulnerable around him because for a long time the distance had been her biggest relief, the easiest way to handle everything she wasn’t ready to overcome. After the fifth ring she finally heard a voice answering at the other side. But it wasn’t the voice she expected, instead it was a younger, feminine & petulant voice that said  
-“Zhenya, you’re interrupting me”  
-“Hello to you too Karina”, answered Evgenia trying to sound mad but wondering why did her sister was answering her dad’s phone.  
-“I was playing Plants vs Zombies, but your call didn’t let me finish the game so I lost”, complained her sister in a putty tone.  
-“You shouldn’t answer dad’s phone, you know someone from work might call him”, reprimanded Zhenya, sounding like the older sister she was.  
-“But it wasn’t someone from his work, it was you”, pointed out Karina in a bratty voice.  
-“Still, you need to be more careful”, said Evgenia amused by her younger sister’s logic.  
-“I will”, was the only concession that Karina gave her, so she settled & asked  
-“Can you give dad the phone please, I need to talk to him”  
But Karina quickly answered “Can’t you call him later? I want to finish the last level”  
-“Karina”, warned Evgenia in a serious tone & her timbre did the trick because her sister finally relented by saying  
-“Ok, but you should feel bad, it’s your fault I lost my game”  
-“I know, it’s such a tragedy”, stated Zhenya sarcastically  
-“It really is, I spent all summer trying to pass that level”, explained Karina in a candid tone, while Evgenia could hear her little steps walking around the house from the other side.  
-“You’ll survive, come on, give dad the phone, it’s kind of important”, was the only answer Zhenya gave to her sister as she waited for his dad to answer her call.

After a few seconds she listened to her sister’s voice from a distance as she said “Hey dad, Zhenya is calling”  
-“Ok, one second, just let me send this e-mail”, answered a voice she hadn’t heard in a long time.  
-“She said it’s important”, continued her sister.  
-“Ok, ok. I guess I’ll finish this later, give me the phone”, stated her dad.  
And then she heard him, it didn’t matter how long it had been, time never healed her wounds, all her feelings were as raw as ever, but instead of talking of everything they never said to each other, they played the game they always did & pretended everything was fine, so he only said “Hey Zhenya, how are you?”  
-“Hello dad”, she answered in a cool tone.  
-“It’s such a rare treat that you’re calling. Did something happen?”, he asked interested.  
-“You know, you can call too, it doesn’t have to be only me that calls”, she responded in a distant way scolding herself afterwards, because it wouldn’t do her any favors to get on a feud with him right now.  
-“Did you call me to fight?”, asked her dad in a warning tone.  
She calmed herself before answering because as her mom advised her, she needed to put her pride aside if she wanted to reach an agreement, so she only said “No, I’m sorry. I’m actually calling because I need your help”  
-“Ok, let’s hear it”, was the only answer of her dad, so she explained  
-“I’m moving to a different country”  
-“Why? And what about your skating?”, he asked worried.  
-“That’s why I’m moving, I have an offer to train in a different country”, she revealed hoping he would support her in her decision.  
-“Ok, then. Does your mom knows this?”, he wondered concerned.  
-“Yes”, she replied softly.  
-“Fine by me, you don’t need my permission to move, you’re an adult now, if you think this is the best choice for you, and your mom agrees then I’m not against this”, he pointed out.  
-“It’s not about your permission, it’s just that I might need your support”, she clarified distressed.  
-“My support? Do you mean money?”, he asked sternly.  
-“Yes”, she answered quietly afraid he might say no.  
-“I thought your Federation paid for your training”, he observed.  
-“They may stop funding me if they don’t agree with my decision”, she explained in an anxious tone.  
-“And why would they disagree, maybe a foreign coach is the best choice for you after all”, he questioned trying to understand.  
-“There’s a policy in the Russian Federation that establishes that athletes can only train under Russian coaches”, she disclosed.  
-“But you still want to leave”, he asked rhetorically.  
-“Yes”, she said in a confident tone.  
-“And where is that you’re going”, he inquired curiously.  
-“To Canada. My new coach is called Brian Orser & he works in Toronto. He’s very famous in my field, like he has trained Olympic Champions like Yuna Kim & Yuzuru Hanyu”, she detailed hoping her information would convince her dad of her choice.  
-“And he’s better than Eteri?”, he asked.  
And his question left her cold because the truth is that she didn’t have an answer for that, she didn’t know if she would be better or worst under Orser’s command. Not every athlete suited every coach, no matter how good they are, she knew that Eteri didn’t lie when she said that Orser had the same amount of triumphs & defeats and she didn’t know in which one of those categories she would fall, so she answered honestly by saying “He’s different, I need something different now”  
-“Is your mom leaving with you?”, he wondered trying to get all the information he could before he made his choice.  
-“No, you know that she’s working here. Besides if mom leaves, grandma would be alone”, was the only answer of Zhenya.  
-“How much would your training in Canada cost?”, he questioned again, and she felt silly for not asking Orser’s price before agreeing to this training. The truth was that without her dad’s support she would have to rely on the money from her sponsors to pay for her training & she didn’t know if she would keep her sponsors after she left Russia, everything was a mess, but she didn’t show fear in her answer when she said  
-“I’m not sure, I would have to talk to Orser about it, but I’m guessing he’s expensive, he has trained two Olympics gold medalists after all, but I know he’s worth it”  
-“Well, if you’re sure then I will support you with this”, and his answer hushed the doubts inside herself until he told her “but I would also ask for something in return for this favor”  
-“What?”, she asked annoyed because he was putting her life on the line so he could gain something from her, but she knew she couldn’t refuse so she waited for his request.  
-“It’s only fair. I would pay for your training but you know this is money that is not covered by the child support I give to your mom, besides you’re already 18 so in theory I’m not forced to pay that either anymore”, he pointed out & she struggled to keep the bitterness out of her voice when she asked  
-“What do you want?”  
-“I know you’re busy right now, but as soon as you have some free time, I want you to come & visit us at Yerevan. Your sister misses you”, was his only answer & all the sourness she felt inside deflated when she heard his words. And she remembered when her mom reminded her that her dad wasn’t the best at showing things, but that he cared for her. She wanted to trust her advise, so she told him  
-“I’ll have some free time by the end of the year, I can go to visit you after the Russian’s Nationals. But I want to spend New Year’s with my mom & grandma”  
-“Fair enough”, he retorted evenly  
-“Ok then, I will talk to Brian to ask him the details of the expenses & I’ll get back to you”, she said in a happier tone because now she knew there was no going back, whatever happened she was going to Canada.  
-“Maybe it’s better if you give him my number so I can talk to him directly”, replied her dad & she agreed with his suggestion so she stated  
-“Ok, I will do that”  
-“When are you planning to move?”, he questioned again, and this time Zhenya didn’t feel any apprehension when she answered  
-“As soon as I can, I have to talk with the Russian Federation in two days, after I get their answer, I would set the date to leave”  
-“Ok, call me as soon as you know what decision they reached”, he supplied in an understanding tone.  
-“Sure”, she responded quietly.  
-“Ok, I guess we’ll talk later”, he said a little bit awkwardly, after all they were still taking little steps to a better relationship.  
-“Yes, and thank you dad”, she told him honestly.  
-“No problem, take care”, he replied finishing their call.  
-“You too”, said Evgenia from the other side. But this time it didn’t matter how long it was the distance between Armenia & Russia, because it finally felt like the distance between them had narrowed.


	26. Day 106

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * So this chapter is about Katya, this is supposed to be the chapter where Zhenya comes to visit her to say goodbye, I didn't want to make it that sentimental, so this is a small fragment of their conversation.  
> * In this story Katya is pregnant, after all she's quitting skating in RL to become a mom.  
> * I just noticed Katya can come out as too blunt in this chapter but she's way older than Evgenia. And also I want all the characters to have different personalities.  
> *YOI is of course Yuri on Ice.

It was funny to see Ekaterina (Bobrova) in housewife mode, it didn’t matter that it had been two years since she got married to Andrei (Deputat), it always warmed Zhenya’s heart to see her longtime friend so happy & domestic.  
-“So tomorrow is the big day huh?”, asked Katya as she served some tea to Zhenya, as she always did when she came to visit her at her home.  
-“Yep, tomorrow I have to meet with the Federation”, answered Evgenia as she put some sugar in her tea.  
-“How do you feel?”, questioned Katya as she drank a glass of water.  
-“Like I want this odyssey to end”, responded Zhenya after sipping her tea.  
-“Well you chose the hard path, so you know they are going to complicate things for you”, replied Katya grabbing a cookie from the table.  
-“I know, I’m kind of waiting for the worst-case scenario”, she told her honestly.  
-“Which one is that?”, asked Katya amused.  
-“I don’t know, maybe a scenario where Putin takes my car away”, joked Evgenia making her friend laugh.  
-“Well look at the bright side, you didn’t even know how to drive anyway. And it would give you a chance to finally learn how to ride a bike”, said Katya in a teasing tone.  
But Evgenia changed the mood of the conversation by admitting “I talked with my dad yesterday, he’s going to help me with the expenses in Toronto, so I know that regardless of what the Federation says I’m still going”  
-“So everything it’s settled now”, stated Katya.  
-“Not everything, but whatever happens I know I’m not changing my choice”, said Zhenya in a confident tone.  
-“I wish I could go with you & help you at least during your first days in Toronto, but you know with the baby coming I can’t move that much” retorted Katya while she grabbed another cookie from the table.  
-“Don’t worry, send me pictures ok, I want to see you get big”, quipped Evgenia with a smile.  
-“I’m not getting big you jerk, I’m pregnant”, answered Katya after finishing another cookie.  
-“Every pregnant woman gets big, and with your appetite I don’t doubt it, you’re barely leaving any cookies for me”, pointed out Zhenya amused.  
-“I’m eating for two”, countered Katya refusing to feel ashamed for her appetite.  
-“Yeah, yeah, I think you’re only using the baby as an excuse to overeat”, said Zhenya in a teasing tone.  
-“Well I only have six more months of eating everything I want, so I’m going to take advantage of this”, answered Katya happily as she took the last cookie from the table.  
-“You know your baby is going to be born around Yuzuru’s birthday”, stated Evgenia out of the blue as she remembered Katya’s baby would be born in December.  
-“You cannot help but bring him to the conversation huh?”, asked Katya entertained.  
-“I was just making an observation”, deflected Evgenia annoyed at herself because she got careless & she knew Katya wouldn’t let her change the conversation now.  
-“I wonder how you will deal seeing him 24/7 now that you’re moving to Toronto for him”, taunted Katya as she always did since she realized her younger friend had a not so subtle crush on the Japanese skater.  
-“I’m not moving to Canada for him”, replied Evgenia stubbornly.  
-“Right, I’m sure you’re moving there because you want to live closer to Justin Trudeau, after all Putin is not that nice to look at, if we’re talking about world leaders anyway”, said Katya sarcastically  
-“I’m moving to Canada to work with Brian Orser, he’s my new coach remember?”, pointed out Evgenia in a serious tone.  
-“I’m not saying you don’t have a professional interest to leave for Toronto, but are you going to pretend Hanyu doesn’t play a factor”, wondered Katya aloud.  
-“He doesn’t play a factor”, argued Evgenia uncomfortable  
-“Then I must have imagined all those times you were blushing when we run into him at competitions”, remarked Katya amused.  
-“Well you do have an active imagination”, said Evgenia annoyed.  
-“Fine, lie to yourself. But the truth is going to bite you in the ass eventually”, stated Katya in a nonchalant voice.  
Evgenia just rolled her eyes & changed the subject by asking: “so are you happier now that you’re going to become a full-time mom instead of being a full-time skater?”  
-“I’m ready”, said Katya with a smile, “I gave my whole life to skating, it’s time to close that chapter of my life & start this new one” she replied as she softly put her hand in her almost invisible bump.  
-“I wonder if I could do what you’re doing?”, asked Evgenia more to herself than to Katya.  
-“What do you mean”, questioned her friend curiously.  
-“Leave skating to start my own family”, explained Zhenya and she tried to imagine a future of her as a parent, but she quickly dismissed that thought because right now the last thing she needed was to spend her time daydreaming.  
-“You don’t want to get married?”, asked Katya taking her out of her thoughts.  
-“I don’t know, my whole life the only thing in my mind has been skating, even now when I think about my future, the only thing that is certain is that whatever happens I want to be involved with this sport. Even after I retire, I know for sure skating is going to continue being the center of my life”, responded Evgenia honestly.  
-“That’s sad”, was the only answer of Katya.  
-“That’s not sad, skating fulfills my time, I love this sport”, disputed Evgenia because she didn’t felt her life lacked anything, Misha had argued the same thing as Katya before, but she refused to listen because her ambition in life was different.  
-“So? I love it too, doesn’t mean skating was the center of my life. The center of my life is my family, it’s Andrei & now this baby too”, replied Katya confidently.  
-“Well you’re lucky you found love”, said Zhenya with a sad smile, because although she didn’t regret her choice, she did wonder if she would ever have what Katya & Misha had in their lives, a companion to share what you loved most in life.  
-“You can find it too”, told her Katya in a motherly voice & Evgenia decided to stop arguing with her friend so she only said  
-“Who knows, maybe after I retire from skating”  
-“Oh, come on, don’t be so fatalistic, I don’t know what’s the deal with Hanyu & you, but if it’s not him, you’ll find someone else, you’re a great girl, plenty of guys would be interested in you, but something tells me you’ll only would give your time to the Lord of Poohs”, stated Katya with a mischievous smile.  
-“I don’t have time for guys, right now my mind is filled with skating”, answered Evgenia using the same old reliable excuse.  
-“Cut the bullshit, I’m a skater too, my mind was full of skating on the ice & then I left training & I started having physical needs like any normal person”, replied Katya & as soon as her friend said those words, Evgenia almost choked by her bluntness so she only managed to say  
-“Katya!!”  
-“What? I’m talking about food you pervert, now the fact that you’re embarrassed means you were thinking about other type of physical needs”, she teased with a naughty smile.  
Evgenia blushed & answered quietly “I wasn’t”  
Katya laughed at her reaction & only said “Seriously, you really have it bad for human Yuri”  
-“Yuzuru is not Yuri ok, the creator of YOI, Mitsurou Kubo said it herself that the base for Yuri is Tatsuki Machida, not Yuzuru”, explained Evgenia trying to change the subject.  
-“Whatever nerd, the thing is you have thought about Yuzuru beyond skating terms”, stated Katya because she wasn’t going to left her friend out of the hook that easily.  
-“I haven’t ok, we’re just friends”, pointed out Evgenia as a lame excuse.  
-“Friends who are about to live in the same city, without the supervision of parents, isn’t this the plot for a romantic comedy somewhere”, taunted Katya embarrassing her friend even further.  
-“If your romantic comedy is called ‘I’m killing myself for a gold medal’ maybe. Besides Yuzuru is not like that, his mind only thinks about skating, I doubt he loves anything else but that”, answered Evgenia tired of talking about something she wasn’t ready to admit.  
-“He’s a boy, believe me, he can love other things besides skating, once he stops being a virgin a whole new world would open for him”, continued Katya in a teasing tone.  
-“OMG Katya, don’t give me that mental image”, said Zhenya extremely flustered.  
-“What? Oh Zhenya come on you’re 18, do I really need to teach you where do babies come from? Didn’t they teach you about the birds & the bees at school?”, asked Katya in a jesting voice.  
-“You’re horrible, we’re talking about the same guy who collects Winnie Pooh’s”, told her Evgenia in the most serious tone she could muster.  
-“Yeah, I don’t get that Winnie Pooh thing to be honest. Although, I prefer ladies throwing Winnie Pooh’s at him, rather than their underwear”, pointed out Katya.  
-“OMG Katya stop”, stated Evgenia very embarrassed.  
-“What? I’m just saying, because I went to a concert of Thirty Second to Mars two months ago & girls were throwing their bras to Jared Leto. Honestly, I don’t think I could live with the mental image of Yuzuru receiving those type of tokens of affection from his fans, plush toys seems safer”, said Katya amused of how flustered her younger friend looked.  
-“You’re really the worst, I fear for your kid”, told her Evgenia after she calmed herself.  
-“My kid is going to be awesome, you know how I know that?”, asked Katya changing the conversation to not complicate things with Zhenya any further, she already had her fun and she knew her friend wasn’t ready to talk about things yet, so she allowed to let things go this once.  
-“Because you’re his mom”, pointed out Evgenia expecting the answer to go in that direction.  
-“Of course, but also because you’re going to be his godmother, so he has two amazing examples to live by”, told her Katya, in an earnest voice.  
Evgenia smiled at her words, but to avoid getting things too sappy she only joked “Then, he will be an anime nerd who’s too blunt for his own good”  
Katya laughed at Evgenia’s observation & only replied “I can’t wait to see that future”  
Evgenia smiled to herself at Katya’s words, because the truth was, she couldn’t wait either.


	27. Day 107

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This is the last chapter for this week & as I said before because I have some Russian readers I hope you're not mad of how I portray the Federation. My story doesn't have villains, but it's not realistic to portray Federations bending over to suit the decisions of their skaters that easily.  
> * As I mentioned before Alexander Gorshkov is the president of the Russian Figure Skating Federation.  
> * With this all that is left is Zhenya getting ready to leave Russia for Canada, some surprises would come in Toronto, I hope you like these 3 chapters, see you next Monday.

She had been waiting for the last hour, it was already 10 am and Gorshkov’s secretary hadn’t call her to go to his office yet. She stayed seated nervously as her mom held her hand & gave her an encouragingly smile until a few minutes later the secretary came to where they were seated & said  
-“Miss Medvedeva, Mister Gorshkov is ready for you”, she stood up with her mom to go to the office but the secretary pointed out, “only the skater is allowed to go to Mister Gorshkov’s office”  
Her mom nodded & asked her “are you ok going alone?”  
Evgenia nodded absentmindedly & her mom only said  
-“Good luck”  
And she walked a distance that felt eternal while she followed the secretary to the office of the President of the Russian Figure Skating Federation. When they reached the office, she saw the secretary knocked on the door twice before she let her in & she heard his imposing voice saying  
-“Take a seat”  
She sat in front of him feeling more nervous than ever but tried to mask her fears as she told him in the most confident voice she could muster “Thank you for making the time to see me”  
Gorshkov didn’t answer to her words & only said “I will go straight to the point miss Medvedeva, I received an interesting call from Madame Tarasova yesterday telling me of your intentions of leaving Russia?”  
-“That is my plan”, she admitted.  
-“Do you have any problems with your current coach Tutberidze?”, he asked in a stern tone.  
-“No, my relationship with Eteri Tutberidze is still very good”, she answered honestly.  
-“Then I don’t understand why would you leave her guidance, do you care to explain?”, he questioned in a imposing voice.  
-“I believe I need something different if I want to stay competitive & relevant in my field”, she said trying to explain herself.  
-“Didn’t you get all of your positive results under the training of Tutberidze? The best course to stay competitive & relevant on your field is to continue working under her. That’s the end of this discussion”, he pointed out as expecting her to agree.  
-“My choice is already made, I will leave Russia with or without the permission of the Federation”, said Evgenia in a tone that demonstrate she was going to fight for her decision.  
-“If you don’t have our permission, you will not be able to compete”, warned Gorshkov.  
-“I think it violates the rules of the International Skating Union (ISU), that you will impede an athlete to make their own choices about their training team”, countered Evgenia showing Gorshkov she was ready to face the pressure of the Federation.  
-“It’s true that as a Federation we cannot stop you from changing training teams”, he conceded, “but we can stop paying for your training”  
The conversation seemed to head in the direction that Brian warned her, so she replied with what he suggested “I want to leave under good terms with my Federation, because my plan is to leave not only to learn from Orser as a figure skater, but also as a future trainer. After Beijing I would retire, that’s four years from now. My plan is to win as many medals as I can for Russia on that period of time but I also want to apply everything that I learn not only for me, but also for future generations of Russian skaters”  
-“Then why do you need to leave? The best skating coaches work in Russia”, asked Gorshkov interested.  
-“Orser doesn’t work here”, stated Evgenia.  
-“Orser is a coach that got lucky two talented skaters decided to work under him, but he has more failures than successes in his resume”, told her Gorshkov in an even tone.  
-“I believe his athletes are some of the best in our field. I believe Russia as good as it is in figure skating, has a lot to learn from other coaches with different training methodologies than ours. There was a time when USA dominated women’s figure skating but now they don’t & part of the reason is because they don’t understand how the current scoring system works & they refuse to adapt to it. If you want to evolve & be the best at something it’s not enough to look at what you’re doing well, you need to look at what others are doing well too, so you can learn from them & improve it. The Canadian Federation is doing something well, they earned more medals than us at the last Olympics”, she continued by speaking the words Brian had taught her.  
-“That’s only because most of our athletes were banned”, argued Gorshkov annoyed.  
-“We cannot make excuses if we want to continue growing, the truth is that we are not dominating any field in skating except ladies & this is not only at the Olympics. If we see the results we’re getting at other competitions we should be worried because neither the top male skaters, pair skaters or ice dancers are Russian. Are we going to wait until the top ladies are not Russian as well to realize we need to evolve?”, asked Evgenia hoping Brian’s strategy would work.  
-“So Orser is going to make you good enough to train the four fields of figure skating?” asked Gorshkov sarcastically.  
-“Orser is going to make me good enough to win the gold medal I didn’t win at Pyeong Chang & Orser is going to make me good enough to train any field I choose to train because in his gym he works with different coaches who have strong experience in different fields”, explained Evgenia trying to keep her annoyance with Gorshkov out of her voice.  
-“I understand your point miss Medvedeva & you might be right, but if we allow you to leave every other athlete from our Federation might get the idea that we support this kind of initiative”, stated Gorshkov in a rigid tone.  
-“So I don’t have the support of the Federation”, she said defeated.  
-“I didn’t say that, it’s in the best interest of the Federation that you have a satisfactory training environment & as you said, you’re a future Russian coach, so we would reach an agreement with you. Take this as a token of trust from us, because although I can admit I personally admire your initiative, as the head of the Russian Figure Skating Federation you are putting me in an uncomfortable position” he told her unyielding.  
-“What is the agreement?”, she asked worried.  
-“We would allow you to leave, but we would not be paying for your training for one full season”, he explained severely.  
-“Why only one full season?”, she questioned, not understanding his reasoning.  
-“Because things might change according to the results you bring. If you’re successful with Orser we would pay for your training after this new season is over. But if you fail to bring the desired results you will drop Orser & return to Russia to train under a coach of our choice. Do we have a deal?”, he asked confidently knowing she didn’t have any other choice but to accept.  
And just as he suspected she agreed because she only said “We do. What are the desired results you expect?”  
-“You have to be in the podium at every competition you participate & you’re of course expected to help Russia to keep the three spots we need at World’s this season & always make time as every athlete does to promote the work the Federation does by participating in shows & events that might require your attention”, he detailed in a serious tone.  
-“Of course, what about my sponsors?”, she asked hoping she would not get a ban in that matter.  
-“If they decide to continue supporting you, that’s their own choice. The Federation doesn’t have any inference on that”, was his only reply.  
-“Ok, thank you” she said resigned as she stood up to leave, knowing she wouldn’t get a better deal than this.  
-“One last thing miss Medvedeva”, spoke Gorshkov calling for her.  
-“Yes”, she said looking at him in the eyes.  
-“We would send an official to check on the evolution of your training from time to time & of course we have the last word on the approval of your programs through the season. We don’t want to repeat the stunt you pulled at World’s this year changing your program at the last minute”, he stated leaving her uncomfortable with the idea that it didn’t matter the distance, the Federation still had her under their hold, so she only managed to reply  
-“Of course, thanks for taking the time to meet me”  
Gorshkov ignored her words again & only said “Close the door after you leave”  
She left his office not happy with the results, but when she saw her mom waiting for her, she smiled to show her that although she hadn’t win the war yet, she was ready to battle.


	28. Day 108

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, I wanted to publish three chapters this week so we could finish everything in Russia with Zhenya but I've been very busy, so I could only manage two chapters this time.  
> * I'm going to try to publish three chapters next week but I'm not making any promises because I'm very close to my midterms, so probably after the chapters next week I'm going to take some time off so I can study.  
> * I'm stealing some of the words of Yuzuru about his rivalry with Javier Fernandez from Ciontu.  
> * Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood is one of my favourite animes & it kind of suited the image I have of Yuzuru that he would also be a fan of the show.  
> * Yuzuru as far as I know, studies Human Sciences at Waseda University.

She reached home with her mom when the sun was setting. It had been a long day that left her drained as she moved around Moscow working on bureaucratic errands she needed to finish before she left Russia. She took her shoes off as soon as she passed the threshold of her home and dragged herself to her room so she could finally get the long nap she deserved. She knew she still had many things to do, bags to pack, people dear to her that she still needed to say goodbye to, but right now her brain has functioning at half its capacity, and as she sank in her bed, she could feel every muscle in her body relaxing & the noises of the world shutting off, but before sleep could claim her, she heard the notes of History Maker taking her out of her slumber & she opened one eye annoyed at the ringtone of her cellphone that indicated she was getting a call. She quickly stood up so she could turn off the disturbing sound, thinking of returning the call the next day when she felt less tired, but lost all desire for sleep when she saw the name of the caller. It wasn’t normal he would call, in fact he had never called her before, her mind quickly ran to the worst-case scenario as she anxiously answered  
-“Hey! It’s everything ok?”  
-“Good evening to you too”, said amused the voice of Yuzuru at the other end, “everything’s fine, why do you ask?”, he wondered curiously.  
-“It’s just that it’s the first time you’re calling me”, she explained embarrassed for her reaction.  
-“There wasn’t any reason to call you before, but now it is”, he pointed out rather calmly. “Brian told me the good news, so I wanted to call to congratulate you in finally making it to Canada”  
-“Thanks”, she answered a little bit shyly.  
-“I guess we would be teammates now”, he observed casually.  
-“I thought you said we would be rivals”, was her quick response.  
Yuzuru just laughed at the reminder & simply said “that too, but my rivalries never go the way I want”  
-“What do you mean?”, she asked in a curious tone.  
-“Before I moved to Canada I had a picture on my mind on how my rivalry with Javier (Fernandez) would play out”, he supplied as an explanation, “I thought we would be a modern Plushenko vs Yagudin, but that never happened”, he concluded in an honest manner.  
-“That’s too intense”, she noted.  
-“Well I wanted an intense rivalry, I thought that’s what I needed to improve as a skater, but Javier was too kind hearted for that kind of relationship”, he remarked in a warm voice.  
-“So, if Javier & you were Plushenko & Yagudin, what type of rivalry you would have with me?”, she questioned amused.  
He stayed silent for a few seconds as if he was lost in his thoughts at the other side of the line, before he simply said “Maybe the battle of the Yuris on Yuri on Ice”  
She laughed along at his answer, before she replied “well, I guess that makes Brian (Orser) our Victor”  
Yuzuru laughed with her at her attempt of a joke before he changed the topic by asking “So are you happy of finally coming here?”  
Evgenia gave a long sigh, before she opened herself by admitting “A part of me is. I’m kind of excited but at the same time dreading going there”.  
-“I’m familiar with the feeling”, he retorted.  
-“Right, sometimes I forget there was a time when Toronto wasn’t your base for training”, she remarked in an understanding voice.  
-“Sometimes I forget it too, but even after all these years, it still feels odd to come here”, he conceded in an even tone.  
-“Really?”, she asked surprised.  
-“Yes”, was his distant answer, before he explained, “it’s just not home & I’m constantly reminded of it, from the language I speak here, to how different is the food, even the customs still throw me off, sometimes I feel that it doesn’t matter how long I live in Canada, I’m never going to stop feeling strange”.  
His confession spoke of his loneliness in an unfamiliar city that soon would be her training base as well. And she feared she would feel the same way, but since she made the decision of moving abroad she had decided she would try to stay positive in her new journey, so she tried to joke as she said “Is this the warm welcome you give to everyone that goes to Toronto?”  
Yuzuru laughed at her words & replied in a calm manner “I’m not saying you’re going to feel like me, you’re probably going to do great here. Javier really liked Toronto, he always went out on the weekends with other skaters, so you will probably feel comfortable here as well”.  
-“Maybe”, she responded unsure before asking, “did you ever went out with Javier on some of his weekend outings?”  
-“Not really”, was his reserved answer before a meaningful silence fell between them, because they both felt trapped in the things they wanted to share but didn’t felt comfortable enough to confess. But she tried to push her fears aside as she voiced some of the doubts on her mind by asking  
-“Did you ever regret leaving Japan?”  
He didn’t answer for a while & she worried she might have crossed a line, until she heard his voice answering honestly “No, but I felt guilty”.  
-“Guilty?”, she wondered aloud.  
But he didn’t acknowledge her words & instead he spoke in a voice that felt more for himself than for her as he said “I left when Sendai was still in the middle of reconstruction, I left without feeling I did anything for my hometown. But my biggest guilt came because at the end when I was honest with myself, I could recognize that my strongest desire was to improve my skating above all, and the only way I could do that was to leave home”.  
His reply made her reflect because she could recognize herself in his confession. At the end of the day, just like he did, she was putting herself first, she was putting her own selfish desires above everything & everyone else. Getting a gold medal at the Olympics was her dream, but it was also the dream of every athlete in her profession. Several times she reminded herself that the gold medal would be the conclusion of her life’s work, but recognizing her ambition made her feel selfish, because now her life’s purpose transcended her own sacrifices, now it involved others as well & she had a difficult time accepting how much her decisions were impacting the lives of others.  
-“I assume you’re facing similar feelings?”, she heard his distant question & it took her out of her thoughts, before she revealed to him  
-“I don’t want to be defined only by my desires as a skater, but I can’t deny that right now those are my main motivations. Maybe, what makes me more uncomfortable is the realization that I’m not the only one making sacrifices in order to get what I want”  
-“Then don’t take those sacrifices for granted, make it worth it”, was his sincere advice.  
-“You always make it sound so easy”, she said a little bit annoyed of how he could reduce all of her doubts in one simple resolution.  
-“Lessons without pain are meaningless, you cannot gain something without sacrificing something else in return”, he concluded in a wise tone that made her laugh, as she teased him  
-“You’re like a book of inspirational quotes”.  
Yuzuru laughed at her reply, before he confessed, “I can’t take the credit for that quote, that was from Full Metal Alchemist”  
She smiled amused before she taunted him by saying “And here I thought you were sounding smart because of your college studies”.  
-“Well, Human Sciences sometimes can actually make you sound smarter than you feel”, he replied entertained.  
-“Are the books of Human Sciences that inspirational?”, she asked curiously.  
-“Not really, but it really makes me think, about my limits as an athlete, about humans finding their own inner strength at stressful situations & about finding your own self-worth not in your performance but in your training”, he shared in a serious voice.  
-“Is that also from Full Metal Alchemist?”, she joked again making him laugh, before he answered in an amused tone  
-“This time, I believe I can take the credit for that one”  
She laughed happily at his words & enjoyed the next minutes of the conversation that ended with a promise to help her find a place to stay in Toronto. She returned to her bed after they finished their call & she smiled to herself as she replayed small parts of their conversation in her mind, she couldn’t deny it anymore, Katya was right, Yuzuru did play a factor in her choice & she wished he didn’t because she was just settling herself for disappointment. As she closed her eyes to go back to sleep, she remembered his words & it gave her hope that there would be a happier end to the unseen mirage that her future had become, she wanted to discover in herself that inner strength that he spoke about, she wanted to be brave and find her own self-worth as a skater just like he did, at the end of her journey she wanted to look back and say to herself that regardless of her results she could look at her past & be proud of herself. She didn’t know if that future was in her cards, but tonight as she surrendered to her dreams, she wished to herself that it was.


	29. Day 109

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This chapter is not as long as I wanted, but I struggled writing it, so maybe it could change in the future if I get more inspired.  
> * With this we only have one chapter left for Zhenya in Russia & then we would finally move to Canada.  
> *As we're close to the chapters of Canada & it involves some of Zhenya's training, I want to remind you, I'm not a professional FS, so although I try to research I'm not an expert, I've received some messages telling me my knowledge of FS is not good & bashing this story, at the end of the day this is a fanfiction & I write this story for fun. I want to improve my abilities as a writer in a language that is not my own & I'm not against criticism because I know this story it's not perfect, but please if you don't like this story, you can always just ignore it.  
> * That's it, see you next Monday

Evgenia looked around her room & she sighed annoyed at the mess she had made trying to pack her two suitcases. Different pieces of clothing kept coming in & out of her bags as she kept trying to find space for some of her favorite toys, books, movies & CDs among her luggage. She knew she was being childish, but some of those objects were considered treasures for her, after all those weren’t just simple objects for her, they were pieces of her past, memories she refused to leave behind. She sat on the floor tired of packing & wondered if it was possible to fit 18 years of your life in two suitcases. She contemplated every corner of her room from her position, and gave a jaded sigh knowing this would be her last day sleeping in this room & as she got ready to return to her task at hand, she heard the rumble of keys at the front door that signaled that her mom had returned home.  
She left her room to greet her mom & their new guest, and as she made her way to the entrance of her home, she saw the familiar face of her grandma giving her a warm smile & she immediately ran to give her a hug, because it had been too long since they’ve seen each other. A few minutes later, Evgenia & her grandma were spread out at the couch of her living room, as they waited for her mom to finish making their lunch. They laughed together as they talked about the past, about the funny memories of her early days as a skater, about the last vacation they took as a family & the older days became an excuse to avoid talking about the future, to pretend the next day wasn’t the last day she would have in this country.  
-“Did you finish packing?”, asked her grandma as Evgenia got distracted by watching her dog play with its blanket at the corner of the living room.  
-“I’m working on that”, she replied distressed of just thinking about how much rearranging she would have to do before she could fit everything she wanted in her bags.  
-“Don’t leave it for the last minute”, advised her grandma, to which Zhenya replied  
-“I haven’t, I’ve been trying to pack since early in the morning, but it’s just difficult”  
-“You don’t know what to leave behind”, she supplied in an understanding voice.  
-“Yes”, was the simple but honest answer of Evgenia.  
-“Well you can’t take your whole room to Canada with you”, recommended her grandma in a cheeky tone.  
Evgenia fought a smile at her grandma’s taunt before she said  
-“It’s not my whole room, but I want to take my happiest memories with me”  
-“Your memories are within you, not on the material things you take with you”, suggested her grandma in a more serious tone.  
-“Yeah, but the things I want to take are reminders of those memories”, clarified Zhenya.  
-“Don’t get sentimental about things, the memories would stay with you, regardless if you leave its remnants at home. You didn’t need an object to reminiscence with me & I’m sure you will not need an object to remember us when you’re far away from home”, she concluded wisely.  
-“Of course not, it’s just, I don’t know, maybe I want to build something similar to what I had here in Canada. Maybe a subconscious part of my brain thinks if I carry enough parts of my personal space then I might not feel so far away from home”, confessed Zhenya admitting the reason behind her attachment, but she didn’t have time to feel defeated by her own admission, as she felt a warm hand holding her own as her grandma said to her  
-“I’ve never been out of the country myself so I don’t have any personal experience on this, but I think you’re putting too much expectations on replicating your home in Canada. That’s impossible in my opinion. If you ever feel at home there, it’s not going to be because it reminds you of Russia, but because in some way despite being different, it became special for you. Don’t let your memories of this place hold you back, it’s ok to feel homesick but don’t make your life a museum of objects & memories because then you stop looking forward, instead you only look at the past”.  
Evgenia felt drawn by her words & put her head on her grandma’s lap, as she felt her hands playing with her hair, before she acknowledged to her  
-“Memories that push you forward, I never saw it that way”  
Her grandma hummed in understanding as she shared “People always say that ‘all the good times are in the past’, but I disagree. I’m an old woman, if I only looked at my past with nostalgia, then I would dread my present & I would be scared of my future, because there’s not much time left for me”  
-“Don’t speak like that”, replied Evgenia annoyed at her words.  
-“If I don’t say it, it’s not going to make it less true”, was the simple remark of her grandma before she continued. “Many people live romanticizing their past & they paint a perfect picture of that memory that is so ideal they end believing the lie themselves. They always see each new day as inferior as the one they just lived. Some people idealize the past, others daydream about the future, you don’t have the luxury of those options because in the lifestyle you chose, you’re judged by your present, so live for that”, she noted as her final conclusion.  
Evgenia smiled happily at her advice, promising herself she would take it by heart, before she went for the joke as she always did “Well they do say that millennials are only focused on the present, so maybe applying your suggestion is not going to be that hard”  
Her grandma laughed amused at her wit, and for the next couple of hours they built new memories as a family in what it would become her last day at home. Later that evening after her grandma left, Evgenia finished packing her bags after she took most of the physical memories she was originally planning to take with her to Canada, but she left an album of photographs that had a picture of her with her mom & her grandma in the cover. Maybe as her grandma said the best gifts in the world we’re not the material objects you could buy from a store, but it didn’t mean that sometimes she couldn’t keep some of the triggers of her most fond memories as part of her new journey.


	30. Day 110

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, it's been a long week yet again for me so I have several points to make, first after these three chapters I'm taking a two week break for my midterms so I'm not going to publish but until the first Monday of May (May 7).  
> * A friend of mine who reads the story asked me if my readers actually know what I plan with this story, and it made me wonder, because the truth is that if you’ve been reading this story for a while you know this is more than a fanfiction about a couple, yes I would eventually put Yuzuru & Evgenia together, but this is a slow romance because for me it’s always more about the journey than the destination. So maybe this is not the kind of story most shippers would like.  
> * I'm making a reference to Orpheus radio in this chapter, I don’t know how true is the information I got because I googled Russian radios & it said Orpheus radio puts on classical music in Moscow. I’m sorry if this is not accurate, but Google was my only source.  
> * I did a minor modification because I just discovered Jerry is a girl. You live you learn.  
> * The song that Evgenia listens is Tchaikovsky ~ Romance in F minor, my reason for choosing this song is because although I'm not an expert in classical music I watched Nodame Cantabile & I liked the stories of the classical artists they portrayed. They said Tchaikovsky composed several songs in honor of his feelings of homesickness for Russia, so I thought it fit the mood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP_ZoVAvJYk  
> * I know Zhenya is a big EXO fan, but I don't find deepness in the songs of EXO, so sometimes my music choices can seem OOC for some of the characters.  
> * Finally, I want to share my inspiration for this chapter, because some people who are also writers can find themselves struggling with writer's block. My solution is music, books, mangas & just outsource materials for inspiration, so this time I will tell you my inspiration for the three chapters I'm publishing, so if any of you are writers maybe my method could help you, for this chapter I got inspired by a song from Arctic Monkeys - Despair in the departure lounge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nompB1PB85w

Whoever said that traveling was relaxing, never had to prepare to move to a different country in three days, was the thought that ran in Evgenia’s mind as she stressed herself in her mom’s car while checking her watch to check she was still in time for her flight.  
-“You know that constantly checking your watch, is not going to make time stop right?” reminded her mom from the driver’s seat.  
-“I know, I just wish we hadn’t overslept”, complained Evgenia, knowing there wasn’t much she could do but watch time pass by.  
-“Well we stayed later than we expected with your grandma last night, but after all not every day we have a goodbye dinner”, mentioned casually Zhenya’s mom, which brought a sad smile to Evgenia’s face as she remembered the activities of the night before.  
-“It was quite a night to remember”, was the melancholic answer from Evgenia, because she knew that although she cherished the memories of the previous night, she didn’t know when will be the next time, she would experience a day with her family again.  
-“She’s going to miss you, we all are, so don’t forget to call”, reminded her mom in a soft tone.  
-“I will”, said Zhenya with a hint of sorrow in her voice, but to lift the woeful mood of the conversation, she tried to change to a happier subject by saying “don’t forget of walking Jerry for me, you never want to take her out after all”  
-“I guess she & I will become better friends now that you’re leaving”, answered her mom, ruining Zhenya’s plans of brightening the atmosphere as the reminder of her last hours in Russia brought her a sense of sadness. So instead of following the conversation, she concentrated in the familiar streets that were staying behind, wondering when she will see them again. She put her head in the window as she appreciated every corner & every detail she never paid attention before, and now it seemed to deepen her sense of nostalgia, from the cross hanging in her mom’s rearview mirror that brought her memories of the same cross she always wore on her neck, as both of those necklaces were gifts from her grandma, to the classical sounds coming from the radio, as her mom always listened to Orpheus radio when she drove. Before she became used to hearing classical songs on her skating routines, she could remember hearing those sounds every time her mom was around. That was the music in the background when she cooked, when she worked late at night in the computer and when she drove, that was the music from her early memories from home and now that music would be a reminder of how far away from home she would be.  
An hour later, they were at the gates of Sheremetyevo airport, pretending this wasn’t an abnormal goodbye. Her mom had always drove her to the airport every time she had to leave the country before, but this time she wouldn’t leave for a competition or a show, this time it felt more permanent even if she knew her leave wouldn’t be forever. She heard a female voice on the distance announcing the boarding for her flight had started, and she put on a brave face and forced a smile on her face to hide the heartache for her parting. But she couldn’t voice the proper words for a goodbye, because she wasn’t ready for her world to change. Yet, it wasn’t necessary for her to put her feelings into words, because as soon as she felt her mom’s arms surround her, she knew she understood. The embrace didn’t last long enough, but it was enough to fill her with courage as she mentally prepared to take the flight that would take her to a new, foreign & unfamiliar world where she would have to start all over again.  
-“We will see each other soon”, said her mom as her last goodbye.  
Evgenia smiled in a sad manner and lied to herself as she said “We will”, and she turned her back to walk to the security check without looking back, because the choice was made, and she could only go forward now.  
Some minutes later, she was finally on the plane, she was one of the last ones to board and as she walked to her seat she could heard some of the passengers speaking in different languages, she could identify two women speaking in Russian, an old woman asking some questions to the flight attendant in English & she even heard a couple speaking in French and she recognized this would be part of her new normal, because after she left this plane she would live in a world where the predominant language wouldn’t be her own, and somehow that thought made her feel more far away from home than ever.  
After she reached her seat and got herself comfortable to begin her journey, she tried to tune out her sadness by hearing to music, but this time it wasn’t EXO that resonated on her ipod, but it was one of the songs that played on Orpheus radio today, a classical song she had heard many times before & that despite its yearning tone, it reminded her of home. And when moments later the plane took off, she saw through the window how her city grew small under her eyes, she gazed as the distance grew & the tall buildings and highways stayed behind just like the life she left in there, and as she looked up at the new horizon that opened to her, she wondered if the new chapter in her life that was starting with a goodbye would have a happy end.


	31. Day 122 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I'm making Evgenia live with Gabrielle Daleman in this story, because well during the first season she's supposed to be paying her own training & I doubt Orser is cheap, so she has to save money. Evgenia & Gabrielle seem to have a good relationship, so I think it would be interesting to see them living under the same roof.  
> * Gabrielle's brother, Zachary is also a skater (he's 2 years younger than Gabrielle), he's skating in pairs now with Alison Schumacher, and they both train in TCC.  
> * So the inspiration for this chapter is the song "Seasons Run" from the XX, that's also the song Gabrielle, Zachary & Evgenia listen in the car. This is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU8DK8K7HPA

Evgenia woke up with the sound of the blender going on in the kitchen, she cracked one eyed open from her bed and grabbed her cellphone from her nightstand to confirm that yes, it was still 6 in the morning, but as usual Gabrielle Daleman didn’t care. In the almost two weeks since she started using the guest room of Gabrielle’s house while she trained with Orser, she started to learn the habits of her new “roommate”, and from all her quirks, her early morning habits were the ones that were bringing her more trouble because she loved her sleep. Since she moved with the Daleman’s, she had started getting used to a new routine that included leaving every morning to train with Gabrielle & her brother Zachary at TCC and return in the afternoon, so they could have dinner with Gabrielle’s parents. But some habits, like the daily 6 am blender wake up calls from Gabrielle were harder to deal with. She forced herself to leave her bed and after putting on a robe she sleepwalked to the kitchen, where she found her friend drinking one of those weird green juices she liked so much.  
-“Good morning sleepyhead”, was the chirpy greeting from Gabrielle who held a glass with some of the juice she just prepared.  
-“Gabrielle, you do remember it’s Monday right? Why can’t you be a normal person & behave like you hate Mondays like the rest of us”, said Evgenia while holding a yawn.  
-“I hate Mondays too, that’s why I’m putting green apples on my smoothie today, believe me on Mondays I need the sugar rush”, shared Gabrielle as she served a little bit of her strange smoothie to her reluctant friend.  
Evgenia rolled her eyes as she sat on one of the stools of Gabrielle’s kitchen & accepted the drink, and watched the kitchen’s clock to realize that yes it was still too early for her to get ready to go to TCC, as they started their training at 10, so she was seriously contemplating returning to her bed when Gabrielle interrupted her plan by saying  
-“So I was thinking, I’m craving pancakes”  
-“You’re still hungry after all that green smoothie?”, asked Evgenia amused.  
-“Yeah but breakfast is like the most important meal of the day, and besides we have like 5 hours planned for training today, so we need the calories”, explained Gabrielle reminding Evgenia that health freaks should never be underestimated.  
-“Gabby can’t we just have cereal for calories, it’s Monday & I really don’t have your energy for life this early in the morning”, complained Evgenia while she played with the glass of juice she wasn’t planning on drinking.  
-“Tell you something, you go take a shower, I make breakfast by myself for us because I’m a nice host but you owe me for this, and then we have breakfast with my brother as a nice happy skating family before we get ready to go & see Orser & his minions for training”, declared Gabby in a happy tone.  
-“If you want me to owe you, then you will take my breakfast to bed”, was the droll answer of Evgenia, which made her Canadian friend laugh, that later said in an understanding voice  
-“Don’t be lazy Janny, it’s a beautiful day, the sun is up, the day is warm & you and I are young & hot, so we have to make the best of this day”  
Evgenia softly laughed at her friend’s words, as she delighted noted “What type of mentality is that? We have to make the best of this day because we’re young & hot, you’re really humble”  
-“Well you know me, I’m the Kanye West of humility, now go & take your shower, while I get into Stepford wife mode & make breakfast for your lazy self”, declared Gabby in a gleefully manner, before she went to the fridge to start looking for ingredients to make her own version of pancakes.  
Evgenia smiled to herself as she saw her friend getting busy and she stretched herself after she stood up from the stool feeling the muscles of her body slowly waking up, to later on leave to get ready as Gabrielle commanded, and an hour later she was sitting having breakfast with Gabby & her brother as she watched them quarrel while she slowly ate her pancakes  
-“It’s only fair, I made the pancakes so you have to wash the dishes”, started arguing Gabby to convince her brother.  
-“You made the pancakes, because you like pancakes, you know I don’t like sweets, I haven’t even touched the pancakes, I’m eating scrambled eggs that I made myself if you haven’t noticed”, he pointed out while he grab a piece of bread to make himself a sandwich.  
-“Well I still made breakfast, it’s not my fault if you don’t want to eat it, so you have to clean”, was the answer from Gabby as she grabbed another pancake from the center of the table.  
-“I don’t have to clean, it’s not my fault you made a mess of the kitchen”, explained Zachary while in the middle of grabbing a bite from his sandwich.  
-“I can clean”, said Evgenia to stop their routinary bickering.  
-“You shouldn’t clean you’re a guest, Zach can clean, because he’s my younger brother and he should listen to what his older sister says”, expressed Gabby in a nonchalant tone.  
-“She’s right Zhenya, you shouldn’t clean, Gabby should do it, because she’s the one that made a mess of the kitchen & as she said she’s my older sister so she should teach me a lesson by setting herself as an example”, noted Zachary while Gabby gave him an offended look.  
-“I don’t mind really”, concluded Evgenia as she stood up after finishing her breakfast & took her plate to the kitchen so she could start cleaning. While she washed the dishes, she could hear how the friendly brawl of the Daleman’s siblings continued from the other room & somehow that sound reminded her of the feeling of home. And although her own relationship with her younger sister was different from them, it brought her a deep sense of sorrow to know her family was far away from her, but still she felt grateful to be able to enjoy the daily quarrels of Gabby & Zachary because that was their idea of normalcy as a family, but she couldn’t deny she craved having her own idea of family normalcy again in her life.  
It wasn’t until 9:30 that they left home, and the bickering of the Daleman duo continued as they discussed who would do the driving to TCC. As they settled for Gabby to be the one to drive them there for the day, she sat in the back while she fought a smile as she watched them amused while they also fought for control of the radio. While the car slowly made its way to their final destination, she felt the rays of sun hitting her face, and she saw the light stream through the window & hit the streets, forming shadows in its way. Despite seeing the same scenery for the last two weeks, and becoming more familiar with the road, she still felt like a kid appreciating the outside world for the first time every time they took the same route. Maybe, one day, this road wouldn’t feel foreign to her anymore, but today wasn’t that day, so instead she concentrated on the brother/ sister Daleman pair sitting on front, that had settled for a neutral song of "the XX" they both enjoyed as their soundtrack for the moment, and she smiled to herself when she realized their idea of normalcy was becoming her own.


	32. Day 122 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * This is the last chapter & just as I said before, I'm not an expert in FS, I try to do research but at the end there's only so much I can learn through the internet & believe it or not, I do other things in my life besides watching FS 24/7, so I hope that what I wrote is accurate.  
> * The inspiration for this chapter is not music, but a chapter from a manga, I don't know if you have read Kimi Wa Pet, but it's my favorite manga, my inspiration was Chapter 76 that is called "Grow Up", I put a link of the page that inspired this chapter, if you have time I recommend you to read this manga, is one of my main sources of inspiration for this story http://www.mangahere.cc/manga/kimi_wa_pet/v13/c076/11.html  
> * So that's it, I will see you in two weeks, I hope you'll like this three chapters.

Training started as it always did for her for the past two weeks, joining a group of skaters as they followed Tracy (Wilson) on the ice. Among that group she recognized familiar faces that were becoming frequent in the new routine that her life was taking. She could see Gabby trailing behind her, while her brother Zachary adopted a more serious mood on the ice and was fully concentrated on imitating the movements of Tracy along his partner Alison (Schumacher). Cha (Jun-Hwan) stayed closer to Tracy as she explained in a calm manner how every movement they did built agility, balance, coordination & speed. “Remember to listen to your own blade, and follow the sound as the guideline for your movement, forget about how you look & just feel it”, was the instruction that Tracy imparted as they all continued to do the exercises she guided. Yuzuru wasn’t among her group, as he always arrived later than they did for training, and he also left earlier than them. At first, she thought he was injured for his light schedule, but Gabrielle later explained to her that every athlete had a personalized training at TCC, which it’s something she discovered herself through her own training during her first two weeks.  
After their first hour of training, the group dispersed and every skater went to look for their primary coach, just as Gabrielle made her way to Lee (Barkell) and Evgenia stayed around Tracy who worked on ice dance exercises with her for another hour. When she first arrived to Toronto, Zhenya had gotten frustrated when Brian informed her she would be under the command of Tracy (Wilson) for two weeks, which originally discouraged her as she thought she would be Brian’s primary female student since her arrival, but during her time with Tracy she started to understand the reasons why Orser made that call. Despite the fact, that Tracy’s background was different from hers, as she had been an ice dancer, she started to understand that her method was creating a different type of muscle memory on her. After their first hour of solo training, Tracy allowed her to take a break on the sidelines and just as she was getting comfortable, she saw Yuzuru arrive. He gave her a friendly nod before he stepped on the ice, and as she drank some water she watched as he started going to some of the choreography of his new program. The lightness of his movements, his speed and his flow on the ice were captivating. He was really impossible to replicate, for years, she had been watching his programs, learning some of his moves from a distance & she had even stolen some of his trademark moves for her own programs like his hydroblade. But now, it was different, she was just meters of distance from the real thing, being able to appreciate daily his easiness on the ice and how simple he made everything that seemed impossible for them look.  
-“He’s something else, don’t you think?”, interrupted a voice from her side.  
Evgenia nodded shyly and she looked up as she saw Brian Orser standing next to her appreciating Yuzuru, just like she was doing.  
“Javier used to do the same thing at the beginning”, continued Orser as he observed Yuzuru from a distance, catching up every little detail she was sure, so he could improve what it already seemed perfect in her eyes.  
-“What do you mean?”, she asked not understanding his words.  
-“He just sat here, just like you, I think frustrated when he compared himself to Yuzuru, but he got over it later”, explained Orser in an understanding tone.  
-“I’m not comparing myself to him, because I don’t measure”, was her polite answer, she knew she was miles distance from the level of Yuzuru, they all were, sometimes she asked herself why did they even compete & what did he meant with that whole “let’s be rivals” thing. Because since she moved here, they hadn’t really competed in anything, as she was still training her foundations.  
-“You shouldn’t see yourself that way, Yuzuru is in a different standard from most skaters at times, but he also struggles”, were the kind words of Brian.  
-“I don’t see how he can struggle, with that quality of jumps”, said Zhenya not understanding the point of Orser.  
-“When he first arrived here, his focus was primarily on the jumps. He came here looking for consistency because Javier had moved here the year before & he noticed his improvement in that regard, but when Yuzuru moved to Toronto, we concentrated in his foundations rather than in his jumps, which I’m sure frustrated him”, explained Brian in a calm manner.  
-“It’s that what you’re trying to do with me?”, she asked curiously.  
Brian smiled at her question & only said “Every skater needs to work on their foundations so we can find which style suits them best. Our goal right now is to find the Evgenia Medvedeva style of skating, we have to understand your skills & habits so we can build the right basis from there. Your jumps are never going to improve if we don’t build from the ground. You are already consistent but that has to do more with your natural understanding of your center of gravity than anything else”  
-“I don’t get it”, expressed Zhenya confused.  
-“Well you have very secure landings, that’s one of your strong points as a skater, that you rarely fall, and that has to do of course with your posture and balance, but that’s your body understanding how to use your center of gravity to your advantage. Not every skater has that natural inclination, but you do, which allows me to believe we would be successful together”, said Brian in a gentle voice.  
-“Do you really believe we would be successful?”, asked Evgenia expectantly.  
-“We have to if we want to continue working together remember?”, reminded her Brian, bringing the memories of the demands of the Russian Federation to her mind.  
-“Yeah, there’s no room for failure”, she agreed feeling already exhausted.  
-“Concentrate in the small goals now, rather than in the big ones”, advised Brian as he could feel her frustration.  
-“What are you trying to say?”, wondered Evgenia at loss.  
-“Right now, our end goal seems too distant from where we’re starting, but we would get there. I can’t promise you we would make you win gold in Beijing, because many things can change through this journey, but I can promise you, we will make you compete to the best of your abilities. And when you leave my training might be four years from now, or maybe after this year depending of our results, I want you to leave feeling as a better skater than when you first arrived. So, let’s focus on the small goals first, so we can work our way to the only medal you’re missing”, expressed Brian confidently.  
“Ok, let’s do this your way”, conceded Evgenia, putting her trust in Brian’s words.  
-“So I guess I should tell you my plans for this week”, said Orser bringing all the focus of Evgenia to him with his declaration.  
-“Another week with Tracy?”, she asked rhetorically.  
-“Yes, but you will also be meeting David (Wilson) & Shae-Lynn (Bourne) this week to start thinking about your new programs. And I already talked with Ghislain (Briand), so you will be working on your jump technique with him starting next week”, he explained showing that her training would start moving forward very soon, but not soon enough for what she wanted.  
-“Can’t I start with Ghislain this week? It’s already July and the new season it’s about to start”, she asked already expecting the answer to her request would probably be negative.  
-“Well I talked with your Federation & we still have time until mid-September before you make your debut this season, so let’s use this time wisely to create two programs that we feel confident in”, disclosed Brian to explain his reasons for the delay.  
Evgenia felt impatience running to her core, because she knew by now every girl in Eteri’s camp would be training their new programs, but understanding deep inside herself that he was right, the key to her success would be in the small steps she would take towards her original intention, so she tried to focus on the short-term goals as Brian suggested. And as she looked up at the ceiling of the building she saw the nameplates of many World Champions from this same club hanging in front of her eyes, skaters that represented this same club before her like Yuna Kim, Javier Fernandez & even Yuzuru himself, and despite the fact she had won Worlds twice before, she knew it would be a different feeling if she reached that recognition this time, so she stood up from her seat with a new found determination & announced to Brian  
-“I guess my short term goal this season is for my name to be up there with them”  
Brian laughed at her declaration & only said “it’s easier said than done, but if you get gold at Worlds, believe me I would get you a plate too”  
She saw the new goal in front of her eyes, and as she stood on the ice to return to her training, she realized Yuzuru might me miles away from her right now, but she knew she was going to work hard to catch up.


	33. Day 127

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello, I guess this is too late, but better late than ever. My name is Pamela & I’m from Peru & I’m a psychic (kidding!). Anyway, I think this weekend has been amazing for all of us, we all aged like Brian Orser after Evgenia’s news, so yeah, the truth is I didn’t see that coming. Guys, if you read my previous notes I said before this story was my wishful thinking, I never actually believed Evgenia would leave Eteri, but good for her. You know how you can tell this story is my wishful thinking? Because here Yuzuru speaks proper English (not to shade him, but come on Yuzu, you’ve been living in Canada since 2012). Anyway, I’m kind of nervous to publish today because all of these expectations, I don’t have powers I promise you, I’m just a poor law student who likes to write about things she doesn’t really understand in a language that is not her own, so don’t judge me harshly.  
> * Now I’m also very surprised of how many people are reading this story, I actually thought I was losing readers, so it took Evgenia to leave Russia for you guys to leave me comments? LMAO. I know after this you’re all going back to your caves & I would never hear from you again, but it was nice to feel someone was reading at least during this very unpredictable time.  
> * Another piece of news, I was thinking about quitting the story because in RL Evgenia is going to TCC and I was worried it would be too intrusive to write about her there because again, I never thought this would actually happen. But you can thank Eteri for changing my mind, like yesterday after Eteri’s declaration I was like it’s on bitch. I would sink your factory myself in my story, but I calmed down today & remembered I’m an adult & I can’t be petty in my own story, so she’s still not a villain but ugh with that woman. But well I will try to continue with this story, because I do enjoy writing about Zhenya & Yuzuru, but please lower your expectations.  
> * Now, going back to the story, I told you before that if I mentioned an anime, movie or song, it's because I would use it later on, in a previous chapter I mentioned "The theory of everything" & I'm using it now, as one of Zhenya's programs, it's going to be her SP, this is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yov3aUvwuSE  
> * I would also share the inspiration for this two chapters again, because I feel we need good music after this crazy weekend, the inspiration this time was the theme "beginnings", so I used this cover from Fleetwood Mac I really liked, here is the link, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_uKmKtC4Mk

Early mornings were not her friend, but as she stepped on the ice before her meeting with Shae Lynn (Bourne), she felt refreshed as she allowed herself to enjoy a day without the noise of the crowd that usually filled TCC at this time of the day. Today as she got ready to start planning her Free Skate (FS) program she felt excited for how this day would turn out. Although she had never met Shae Lynn before, she knew about her, after all she had seen the programs she choreographed for Yuzuru many times, from her Phantom of the Opera to Hope & Legacy. But her favorite would always be Seimei, the program that defined Yuzuru in her eyes. Before she saw that program, she was already a fan of his skating, she already admired his technical skills & his speed on the ice, but Seimei was the program that made her image of Yuzuru change. She remembered the first time she saw him execute that program, how transfixed she felt by his performance, because at that moment he wasn’t Yuzuru anymore, he wasn’t Abe no Seimei either, he was just everything. He was himself & at the same time he wasn’t, he was strength and he was lightness, he was stillness, and he was power and as he drew careful lines with his blade on the ice she knew she would never look at him the same way again, because thereupon she could feel the knot he started tying around her heart while a strong taiko sounded in the background.  
-“Were you waiting long?”, asked a voice that took her out of the thoughts, and she saw the smiling face of Shae Lynn, looking at her curiously from her side.  
-“No, I arrived a few minutes ago myself”, answered Evgenia with a smile of her own.  
-“Good, so it’s very nice to finally meet the famous Evgenia Medvedeva”, said Shae Lynn in a happy tone.  
-“It’s very nice to meet the famous Shae Lynn Bourne too”, murmured Zhenya politely.  
-“Oh, I’m famous now too”, retorted Shae Lynn while raising an eyebrow.  
-“Of course you are, you were part of one of the most famous Canadian ice dancing pairs of all time & I also love the programs you choreograph”, said Evgenia trying to put her admiration in words.  
-“Well, thank you, not even my own husband sounds as excited for me as you”, mused Shae Lynn while she tried to hide a laugh.  
Evgenia couldn’t help but smile at Shae Lynn’s charm & explained herself by saying, “I mean I can’t help it, you choreographed my figure skating favorite program of all time after all”  
-“I wonder if that’s Seimei?”, asked Shae Lynn in a teasing voice.  
-“You get that a lot huh?”, wondered Evgenia rhetorically.  
-“Yeah, can’t believe a program based in a movie about a Japanese priest could become so famous, but after all the athlete that performed this program is just not your average skater, don’t you think?”, declared Shae Lynn with a contagious beam.  
Evgenia just nodded at her words & later said “I agree, I doubt anything could be average with him”  
-“Well between me & you, he has a very average fashion sense, but don’t tell him I say that”, rebutted Shae Lynn in a tone that brought a laugh to Evgenia, that later questioned  
-“How can you call his sense of style average? He sparkles more than me”  
-“I meant off the ice of course”, explained Shae Lynn happily, “on the ice, Yuzuru is always something else, even with fashion”  
-“Well I have only seen him at training, so I’m not very familiar with his style, he’s always wearing training clothes when I see him”, was the simple answer of Evgenia  
Shae Lynn tilted her head as if she was making the effort to see Yuzuru in a more casual style, but she seemed to give up quickly as she changed the subject by asking “so, going back to our purpose today, we are in luck because the rest of the students are not going to be arriving until an hour from now, so we can really start planning this thing out”  
-“Great, I’m excited to start, I met David (Wilson) yesterday and we already discussed my short program, but the free skate is what I really want to concentrate on right now”, expressed Evgenia enthusiastically.  
-“Good, so what do you chose for the short?”, asked Shae Lynn intrigued.  
-“It’s a song called ‘Epilogue’, from the soundtrack of this movie ‘The Theory of Everything’”, shared Zhenya eagerly.  
-“Nice, I love that movie”, told her Shae Lynn with a smile.  
-“You think it’s a good choice?”, asked Evgenia earnestly.  
-“Yeah, but I find it curious you’re choosing the soundtrack of a movie of a scientist that recently passed away”, shared Shae Lynn in a blunt tone.  
-“I didn’t chose it because it’s related to death”, said Evgenia frustrated, “why everybody keeps thinks I’m obsessed with death?”, she complained a little bit annoyed.  
-“Hey, I’m not judging, I like the little goth stories you tell, they’re very unique, but I want you to try something different with me”, remarked Shae Lynn genuinely.  
-“What do you have in mind?”, questioned Evgenia interested.  
-“I want to tell the story of Evgenia Medvedeva”, said Shae Lynn with a spark on her eyes, that showed she had been planning this since the beginning.  
-“What?”, asked Zhenya surprised.  
-“Well, you just told me you love Seimei”, retorted Shae Lynn as if that was her explanation.  
-“I do, but what does that have to do with this plan?”, wondered Evgenia not understanding the point.  
-“Many people believe that program is just the story of the movie, but it’s more than that”, started Shae Lynn as she prepared to explain herself, but it wasn’t necessary, because as soon as she said those words, she heard Evgenia agree with a simple “I know”  
-“You do?”, questioned the Canadian choreographer amazed.  
-“I do, I could feel it since I first saw it, Seimei is, I don’t know how to describe it, I guess it’s just Yuzuru”, confessed Zhenya as she remembered the feelings that arose in her the first time she saw that program.  
Shae Lynn gave her an understanding look before she said “Funny you say that, I also describe the program that way, for me the best expression of who Yuzuru is can be found in that program, it’s powerful, but it’s fun, it’s so Japanese like he is, but at the same time it’s modern, it’s just…”  
-“Yuzuru”, finished Evgenia in a soft tone that couldn’t hide the adoration she felt for that program.  
-“Exactly, it’s just Yuzuru. So, I want to find that for you this season”, expressed Shae Lynn realizing there was more behind the real reason why Evgenia loved Seimei, but she knew it wasn’t her place to confront the Russian skater about it, so she concentrated in her new student’s words as she said  
-“But I don’t know what song defines me. I thought maybe Anna Karenina did that”  
-“Do you see yourself as a tragic Russian figure?”, asked Shae Lynn entertained.  
-“No, of course not, but I don’t know, Anna was Russian just like me, and she gave it all for love, I did that. I may have not experienced love in a romantic way, but I love this sport, I have given it my all, my blood & my tears. And at the end everything that I gave wasn’t enough”, confessed Evgenia in a defeated tone.  
-“You don’t love something because you expect a reward, you don’t love something because you want it to love you back, you just love”, was the comforting answer of Shae Lynn to her words.  
-“That’s true, I feel so ungrateful for feeling this way, the truth is that after everything that happened, I can’t help but love to be here right now. I’m scared of the future, but at the same time, I want to experience this journey, no matter where it takes me”, confided Evgenia in an undisguised voice that couldn’t hide the rawness of her feelings.  
-“That’s your story”, said Shae Lynn firmly.  
-“I know”, agreed Evgenia.  
-“No, what I mean is, that the story we will tell, that’s who I want to see on the ice this season. I don’t want to see a character, I want to see you”, insisted Shae Lynn in a determined tone.  
-“But maybe I don’t want to show that side of myself”, shared Evgenia apprehensively.  
-“Why not?”, asked Shae Lynn concerned.  
-“Isn’t this selfish? To feel frustrated for not winning a gold medal at the Olympics. That’s the only thing I’m missing, I won a silver medal at the Olympics, how many skaters can say that? Just the fact I’m a professional skater should be enough, because most skaters don’t make it, most skaters don’t go to the Olympics, most skaters don’t medal, I did all of that & it’s not enough. I’m scared that even if I manage to win gold at the Olympics it won’t ever be enough”, declared Zhenya ashamed.  
-“Isn’t that the nature of humanity, nothing is ever enough, you’re just human, like the rest of us, whether those desires are selfish or not, they are your desires, they motivate you to continue”, expressed Shae Lynn in a kind voice.  
-“But if I win gold & I lose my motivation, then what I would fight for?”, asked Evgenia in a manner that felt directed more at herself than at her new choreographer, but the answer of the Canadian woman filled her with hope as she said  
-“I can’t answer that, but I believe there’s more on you than just a desire to medal. I believe maybe you haven’t realized how strong your real drive is, but you will see it eventually because it’s inside of yourself”  
-“I hope you’re right”, was the simple answer of Zhenya.  
-“I know I’m right, now having said that, I think what we need to do today, it’s relax a bit, we don’t need to choose your program today, so how about we go out & have a girl’s day instead”, proposed Shae Lynn in a convincing tone.  
-“A girl’s day? You’re crazy, I need to concentrate in the program”, said Evgenia with a laugh.  
-“Not today, because I’m sure everything you’ve been doing since you arrived in Toronto is train, or am I wrong?”, insisted the Canadian, as she could feel the young girl’s walls fall down.  
-“No, you’re not. I haven’t really been out anywhere. I mean these last two weeks I basically been coming from Gabby’s house to the rink, and after we return to her house, I’m so tired, I basically drag myself back to just go to sleep”, confessed Evgenia with a sigh.  
-“Ok then, so today, how about you come to my house & I make us some lunch, and then maybe we can watch a movie, or whatever is in Netflix, it would be fun. A girl date of some sort”, persisted Shae Lynn in a persuasive manner.  
-“I haven’t had one of those in a while”, was the subsided answer of Zhenya.  
-“Then we will have one today”, replied Shae Lynn calmly.  
Evgenia couldn’t find more excuses inside herself, so she gave up to Shae Lynn’s demands & with an honest smile she said “I was waiting for someone to ask me that”.


	34. Day 129

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * So we would finally get some Yuzu content because we need this after what Zhenya dropped on us, again this is a slow romance, so you know it's going to take some time to get there.  
> * The inspiration for this chapter is about the connection you feel with someone despite how different you are, I feel this song captures it perfectly, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuvWc3ToDHg  
> * IDK if TCC has a basement cafeteria but in Kenji's room (Japanese show) where they interviewed Yuzuru, Kenji mentioned they sell nachos at the basement of TCC (blame him, not me!)  
> * My brother says I follow too many Shoma accounts in twitter & he said for following Shoma so much, I don't drop references about him, well here it is, my Shoma reference!  
> * As you could tell through this chapter I'm obsessed with movies, one is the Theory of Everything, the other one is Arrival, both of those movies would give the theme for the two numbers of Evgenia this season in my story.  
> * This is the song for Zhenya's free program, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVN1B-tUpgs  
> * I also dropped a reference about Yuzuru's love for headphones.  
> * "If you could see your whole life, from start to finish, would you change things?", it's the main theme from the movie Arrival, I suggest reading the short story that it's based on "The Story of Your Life", it's quite powerful.  
> * I wanted to finish this chapter with a phrase from Evgenia “I regret nothing, I did everything I could”, she said that after Olympics, and in her new journey in Toronto I hope she continues to fight, whatever the outcome, we should all continue to fight. So that's it with me for now, see you next Monday, thanks Zhenya for making me feel famous for a couple of days :)

She knew pain was customary after a rough day of training, but she felt regressing to her junior years as she felt her muscles ache as in her younger days, when she was still learning & unexperienced. And as she left one of the training facilities of TCC after her first off the ice training with Ghislain (Briand), she was already dreading the long wait she will have to do before she could return home with Gabby & Zach. She knew they didn’t finish training until one hour later than her that day, so she dragged herself to the cafeteria to wait for them. As she walked to the basement of the building, she flexed herself along the way feeling the weariness of her muscles settle in because her body was still readjusting to this kind of training after avoiding jumping since her move to Toronto. But as she remembered the lessons of the day, she felt hopeful that all her hard work would pay off, after all Ghislain insisted in having more off the ice sessions before she could practice with the blades on in order to reduce her under rotation issues and increase her control in the air. And just as she was still reminiscing about her training session, she saw him at the distance. Yuzuru gave her a look of recognition & she stood next to the stairs that lead to the basement cafeteria of the club, waiting for him as he slowly approached her.  
-“Long time no see stranger”, was his playful way of saying hello as he hugged her.  
-“You would think we would talk to each other more often, being in the same club and all”, joked Evgenia falling into their familiar pattern of conversation easily after their hug ended.  
-“Well, I didn’t want to distract you, I’m familiar with how busy things get once you start here, but I’m sure you will get used to the new routine soon”, he explained in a kind tone that told her of his overanalyzing nature & proved to her that sometimes Yuzuru lived his life as he played a chess game, always standing three steps ahead of everyone else.  
-“So did you got lost?”, she asked entertained, because they were very far away from the main entrance of the building & she was familiar with Yuzuru’s routine of only coming to the club for training, and leaving as soon as he finished his work.  
-“No, I was actually heading to the cafeteria to wait for my mom”, he explained unashamed.  
-“It’s strange your mom didn’t wait for you to finish your training”, she mused aloud as she was familiar on Yuzuru’s mom dedication, after all she had seen her every day waiting for him every time he came to train.  
-“She was busy with something”, was his blank answer & she knew better than ask beyond what he felt comfortable sharing.  
-“So maybe we can wait together”, she offered kindly.  
He nodded & they started making their way to the basement cafeteria as he asked “So, who are you waiting for?”  
-“Gabrielle & Zach, they finish training an hour later than me today”, explained Zhenya as she checked her wrist watch wishing time would run faster so she could finally feel the comfort of her bed & get to sleep.  
-“Are you hungry?”, he questioned taking her out of her thoughts, “maybe we could get something at the cafeteria”, he suggested.  
-“You’re going to eat something else besides homemade food?”, she asked surprised.  
-“I do eat other things besides my mom’s food”, he answered annoyed.  
-“I need to record this so Misha can see it”, she said excitedly  
Yuzuru just rolled his eyes as they got closer to the cafeteria’s entrance.  
-“So what’s the reason for this sudden change?", wondered Evgenia entertained.  
Yuzuru gave her a playful vexing look before he explained “Someone mentioned I should try the food here”  
-“Who?”, she asked curiously.  
-“Kenji Miyamoto, I don’t know if you know him”, he disclosed while they crossed the entrance to the cafeteria.  
-“Not really, so he told you to come here?”, she asked while they looked for a seat.  
-“Something like that”, was his simple answer.  
-“I’m really shocked I’m going to see you eat something that it’s not homemade”, she shared in a teasing tone while they reached a table & waited for someone from the staff to take their order.  
-“Well I do eat other things off season, during the competitive season I have to be careful about my diet, as I’m sure you are too”, he pointed out smoothly.  
-“Well these days I’m always careful about my diet, but it’s not by choice”, she said in a playfully annoyed tone.  
-“What do you mean?”, he asked curious.  
-“Well, I’m living with Gabby & she’s very into vegetarian diets & weird smoothies, so I’m basically surviving in greens these days”, she shared in a childish voice.  
-“Shoma would hate that diet”, confessed Yuzuru entertained.  
-“How do you know what Shoma likes to eat?”, she asked interested.  
-“It’s a running joke with the Japanese team really, because he never eats vegetables, he really hates it”, he said hiding a laugh as if he was diverted by his own memories.  
-“Something tells me Shoma is not the only one that hates vegetables”, quipped Evgenia amused.  
-“I don’t mind them. I don’t care much about food to be honest, I just eat things that would be easy to digest, and are nutritious & have a pleasing flavor”, he shared in a matter of fact tone.  
-“You sound like an old man”, teased Zhenya with a smile.  
-“Well I’m older than you, so in a way I’m an old man”, he retorted relaxed.  
-“So what easy to digest, nutritious & pleasing favor meal did you came to try Hanyu-senshu?”, she asked as a taunt.  
-“Well Kenji recommended the nachos”, he said quite seriously.  
-“Can old people eat nachos?”, she teased again.  
-“Can young people treat their elders this disrespectfully?”, he answered back in a tone that made her laugh before he asked “So what would you eat?”  
-“I’m not that hungry really, I just wanted some coffee so I could keep myself awake while I wait for Gabby”, she explained exhausted.  
-“Well I can share the nachos, if that helps you to stay awake”, he said in an understanding tone.  
-“Sure, I would eat them, after all nachos are not good for old people’s health. We all know nachos are not known for being easy to digest or for being nutritious”, she joked again, because she couldn’t help but taunt him about his boring eating habits.  
-“Keep being a brat & this old man is not going to share his nachos with you”, he warned in a fake serious tone.  
She laughed at his fake annoyance and half an hour later they found themselves returning to the easy manner of their conversation as they were finishing their food.  
-“So, I heard you’re already working in your new programs”, he said as he saw pleased how she finished the last nacho with gusto.  
-“News travel fast around here, huh?”, she commented rhetorically.  
-“Brian doesn’t keep secrets from me”, was the simple explanation of Yuzuru.  
-“He’s supposed to be your coach, not your secretary”, expressed Evgenia in a scolding way  
-“He can multitask”, answered Yuzuru with a glint on his eyes that showed he was joking.  
-“I’m guessing you want to know about the programs”, questioned Evgenia inquiringly.  
-“That’s why I’m asking”, he expressed in a dry tone.  
-“I’ll tell you if you explain your programs to me as well, because I can't recognize the music you're using from anywhere”, she offered as bargain.  
Yuzuru nodded as if he saw her offer fair, but said “Well I asked first”  
-“That’s not fair”, she complained in a sullen tone.  
-“We have gone through this before”, was his only answer & she rolled her eyes at him, before she explained “With David (Wilson) I’m using a song from this movie ‘The Theory of Everything’, I don’t know if you’ve seen it?”  
-“I haven’t”, he answered honestly.  
-“Well basically, it’s a movie about Stephen Hawking that I saw with Misha a few months ago when we did ‘Dreams on Ice’ & I liked the soundtrack and when I told David about it he loved the idea”, she shared casually.  
-“So you’re going to play Stephen Hawking?”, he asked not understanding her theme.  
She laughed at his suggestion before she explained “No silly, the movie is not really about him”  
-“You said it was about his life”, wondered Yuzuru puzzled.  
-“Yeah, but for me, it’s so much more, for me it’s about love, because he dedicated his whole life in understanding the universe, but really, his universe was the life he created through love, it was love that gave him a drive when he wanted to give up, it was through love he found his purpose when he formed his own family & even at the end when you think love was lost because his relationship didn’t have a happy ending, he looks back at his life & he doesn’t see his materialistic achievements, he sees his family & he says ‘look what we’ve created’. So, in a way love was the creator of his real universe”, she expressed in an overanalytical manner because she really felt a connection with that movie & with the program she was creating based on it.  
-“So, love is the theme”, he spoke finally understanding her point.  
-“Yeah, is it cheesy?”, she asked worried he wouldn’t like it.  
-“No, it’s great, it’s just sometimes your choices remind me of my own, I also tried to capture love once when I did Romeo & Juliet, but I never felt I portrayed it to the best of my abilities because I never experienced that kind of love myself”, was his honest confession.  
-“Yeah, me neither. I mean not the kind of love of your life thing they have in the movie”, she confided in a candid manner.  
-“Well, I’m excited to see your program with David”, he expressed in an encouraging tone.  
-“You will have to wait a little bit longer because I’m still working on it”, she said reassured after he expressed interest in her program. Beyond what she felt for Yuzuru, she respected him as a skater & she wanted his honest opinion about her work.  
-“And what about the program with Shae Lynn?”, he inquired intrigued.  
-“That’s different”, she said feeling drained because she didn’t feel ready to talk about that program yet.  
-“Different how?”, he asked curious.  
-“I mean, I have the music for it, we chose it on Saturday, but I don’t even know if I can portray what Shae Lynn wants from me”, she shared defeated.  
-“Why?”, he questioned again.  
-“Well the theme is ‘If you could see your whole life, from start to finish, would you change things?’”, she confided cautiously.  
-“That’s the theme?”, he asked not understanding her point once more.  
-“Yeah”, she said frustrated because she wasn’t sure if she could put into words what Shae Lynn & her were planning for this program.  
-“Your theme is a question”, he insisted puzzled.  
-“My theme is my life”, she finally disclosed.  
-“And what is the answer to the question?”, he wondered aloud.  
-“I don’t have one, that’s why it’s a question”, was her simple answer.  
-“And why that question?”, he asked trying to make sense of her words.  
-“Well, I saw a movie with Shae Lynn during the weekend that formulated this question, I think maybe part of the meaning is the idea of destiny, but I don’t like that idea because I believe we make our own destiny”, she explained slowly trying to capture in words what this program meant to her.  
-“I feel the same”, he revealed in an understanding voice, but she didn’t hear him because she was enwrapped in her own thoughts as she said “At the same time, everything we do, all the good things & all of our wrong choices, all of them make us who we are”  
-“So if you could see your whole life, would you change anything?”, he repeated her question.  
-“I can’t answer that today, maybe I would never be able to answer it”, she expressed in a raw tone & at that moment as she looked into his eyes after her declaration, she saw the acceptance she looked for so long in her life. Why it was so difficult to communicate to the world all the desires of her heart, but at this moment in front of him she felt she could tell him all & he would just take her for what she was. Was all on her head or did he feel the same? Was he familiar with her fears, did he ever feel defeated before he could even begin? Was this path what they chose or was this lifestyle always destined for them? She couldn’t answer any of those questions, but at that moment she didn’t need answers, because what she felt was enough.  
But he broke the spell when he looked away as he simply said “Well, I believe through time we learn more about ourselves, so maybe one day you will be able to answer it”. His words amended her heart, but his reaction puzzled her. There was warmth in his voice but he clearly felt uncomfortable by their recent exchange, so she tried to return to their familiar mood, as she attempted a sad joke & said  
-“I hope so, I’m sorry I ate all your food by the way”  
He glanced at her again with a smile & continued their pattern by telling her “You can repay me by making me listen to your new programs”  
Evgenia simply nodded at his suggestion & searched for her old ipod from her bag, but before she could start untangling her headphones to share them with Yuzuru, she saw him reaching for his backpack to take out a pair of gold headphones himself as he explained  
-“This type of headphones would work better with this model of ipod”  
She didn’t enquire any further and just accepted his suggestion and seconds later she felt herself relax while they shared headphones & listened to the soundtrack of Max Richter & as the tones of the song filled her mind, she remembered the question that wouldn’t leave her mind. She couldn’t see her future, she didn’t know if everything she was giving up would be enough, but she hoped that when she looked back at this time in the future, she would stand by her choices & say to herself, “I regret nothing, I did everything I could”.


	35. Day 132

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello, sorry for publishing too late, but I almost didn't finish, but well here it is two new chapters.  
> * Again, not an expert in FS, I did some research & this is the best that I could come out with.  
> * The bit about Yuzuru using the audience as the image of his lover is true, he said that in an interview before, I think it was for the 2012 version of Romeo & Juliet he did with Abe Nanami.  
> * I know Ilya Averbukh choreographs most of Evgenia's programs, not Daniil, but I already have too many characters in the story. And this is a fanfiction not real life so...  
> * I took the idea of Evgenia learning to choreograph her own programs & finding her own voice from the last interview from Brian where he mentioned that.

During her second practice with David (Wilson) at a private rink in Toronto not that far away from TCC, she realized helping to choreograph her own programs was harder than she originally expected. In the past when she had worked with Daniil (Gleichengauz) to create her programs, she never felt like she had a voice, everything was already decided for her even before she stepped on the ice, from the order of her spins, to her positions and step sequences, and the only time her suggestions were heard was when she advocated to use some of Yuzuru’s signature moves to be added in her programs. But as she stood next to David on the ice trying to figure it out how to tell the story she wanted through her own competitive program she realized how complex was the task in front of her.  
-“So did you thought about my suggestions for your program?”, asked David from her side.  
-“Yeah, but one thing is to discuss it, another one to make it happen”, answered Evgenia in a tired voice.  
-“Well, I have faith on you, I’m sure we can pull this thing off”, said David as encouragement.  
-“I hope you're right”, she said unsure of how her new endeavor would end.  
-“So you told me your theme for your SP was based on love & this movie I adore The Theory of Everything”, he stated trying to make her focus.  
-“Yeah, I want a mix of those two ideas, I want to express how love can make a person rise up even in their most difficult times”, she expressed trying to put her thoughts in order.  
-“Intriguing”, declared David interested in seeing how his new pupil would bring her ideas to life. “So how do you want to portray this?”, he asked in an encouraging manner.  
-“I don’t know, sometimes I question if it’s even possible to capture the feeling of love on the ice”, she confessed apprehensively.  
-“Well luckily for you, I have some experience on that, I choreographed Yuzuru’s Romeo & Juliet after all”, he said reassuringly.  
-“Yeah, he did that program for two years right?”, she asked rhetorically, already knowing the answer to her question.  
-“You really know your Hanyu facts, don’t you?”, questioned David in a perky voice.  
-“Well, he’s my favorite skater after all”, said Evgenia a little bit embarrassed.  
-“You know it’s so interesting for me that both Yuzuru & you wanted to tackle love as a theme”, expressed David while crossing his arms.  
-“And why is that?”, she asked puzzled.  
-“Because you are the same age he was when I choreographed that program for him, and if you ask me that’s too young to know how love really feels”, he explained in a serious tone.  
-“Well Juliet was 13 when she fell in love with Romeo”, stated Evgenia not understanding his point.  
-“I know, it always baffles me how the greatest love story of all times has this pedophile tones”, said David in a snarky tone.  
Evgenia laughed at his comment before she retorted “Well it was a different time & it’s fiction after all”  
-“Right, but please tell me you’re not going to imagine the audience as your lover when you portray this piece”, expressed David in a worried voice.  
-“And why is that?”, she asked curiously.  
-“Because that’s what Yuzuru did with my Romeo & Juliet. Really that boy sometimes worries me. So little Zhenya have you ever experienced something similar to love you can use to portray this program”, he asked a little bit nosily.  
She felt a little bit taken aback by his sudden question, before she softly said “I have”  
-“Well I would not ask any further, use that & this program would be a success”, he spoke letting her out of the hook, and to avoid getting any further in a topic she wasn’t comfortable with, she changed the subject by saying  
-“You suggested we start with me kneeling on the ice right?”  
-“Yeah, because my idea is that just like in the movie you start in the middle of a crossroad”, explained David & as he started illustrating her program, she felt as if he was describing her life. “Right now you are defeated by your circumstances, and then you will find your purpose, and little by little you'll start to build your own journey, and through your path you'll learn that at the end, every lesson & every hardship took you where you are, your goal wasn’t the one that you dedicated your whole life to, your goal was always in front of your eyes, and at the end of the road, you can see it as clearly as he did”  
-“It’s love”, she said wishing her story had a similar ending to the one in her program.  
-“It’s love”, he agreed happy she understood his concept.  
-“It’s a beautiful story”, she expressed with a light in her eyes that showed her connection with the story she was planning to tell.  
-“Is that the story you wanted to portray?”, asked David wondering if he was getting ahead of himself with the concept.  
-“Yes, this is it. But I don’t know if I could ever put it in words as eloquently as you”, she said in awe with the fact he could find a way to put her feelings into words.  
-“Well, what it matters is that you can express it through your skating, not with words”, acknowledged David in a comforting tone.  
-“Yeah, I think I can do that”, she agreed inspired for the prospect of telling this story on the ice.

Half an hour later, they were still busy choreographing every little piece of her program minus the jumps, as David had informed her that Brian didn’t want them to include her jumps into her choreography just yet, so they were concentrating in working with her step sequence & spins. And through that time she felt excitement running straight to her core & she noticed she wasn’t letting David speak as she said  
-“I was thinking I want to put my knee on the ice at the beginning of the program & slide before I rise to resemble how he stands up after he felt defeated”  
-“That can work”, expressed David showing he agreed with her idea.  
-“And I think in the middle we should put an Ina Bauer to resemble how he looks up at the universe”, she continue explaining eagerly how she was building this program in her mind.  
-“We can add that”, stated David with a smile as he watched how she continued to create something of her own for the first time.  
-“And at the end I want to do a flying camel spin, but I want the entrance to be difficult as what Yuzuru does, he usually does the entrance with the left leg, so I want to do the same”, she pointed out showing she was going to take Yuzuru’s rivalry suggestion seriously.  
-“You’re really excited about choreographing this right?”, expressed David with a smirk, showing his amusement with her enthusiasm.  
-“I’m sorry, I’m talking too much, it sounds like I don’t want your input. Do you agree with my suggestions? Maybe it’s too soon for me to start deciding about my own choreography”, she said uncertainly as she felt her old insecurities coming back.  
-“If you ask me, it actually sounds like you should have been doing this before”, stated David in an encouraging tone that filled her with a sense of worth, because for the first time she felt as a real skater & not just like another product of a system.  
-“So you like my ideas?”, she asked a little bit hesitant.  
-“I do, but I notice you’re planning to do several of Yuzuru’s signature moves in your program, the Ina Bauer & that entrance at the flying camel are his trademarks, I wonder if you will add the hydroblade as well”, he wondered aloud, analyzing her choices.  
-“I will, but with Shae-Lynn. And I also want to add something off my own”, she confided in a secretive tone.  
-“What’s that?”, he asked curiously.  
-“I want to add the butterfly for my spin with the layback & the Biellman”, she expressed more confidently.  
-“That’s unusual, is there a particular reason for that modification?”, he questioned interested.  
-“Well Hawking had a quote ‘we commit to this next great leap into the cosmos because we're human, and our nature is to fly’. I like that quote. The entrance to the spin represents that, his leap into the cosmos”, she shared as she imagined revealing her program for the first time for the world to see. And while the prospect scared her because this time, she wasn’t just the tool for the story, but instead she was the one building the concept, she couldn’t deny a part of her felt excited to share this new side of herself.  
But David’s laugh interrupted her thoughts as he said “It seems you have all figure it out, I wonder why am I even here?”  
At that moment, she wondered if all of her decision making was making him uncomfortable, so she tried to explain herself by saying “No, it’s not like that. I do need you, I’m still figuring things out, so I’m not sure if my ideas are good enough”  
-“Oh, honey. I’m not mad, I’m proud. You should let people hear your ideas more often because believe me they’re good. There’s nothing that makes a choreographer more excited than when we see the passion that the skaters have for their programs, so you should feel pleased with yourself because you’re doing a good job”, he told her in a supportive tone.  
She smiled at his words, before she simply said “We will see that when the new season starts”  
-“We will”, he stated in a voice that seemed to promise a brighter future that she even dared to hope for so long, before he suggested “so how about we put this new plan into practice”  
She smiled at his invitation & skated to the center of the rink to start the program they had been constructing. And as the first notes of Johan Johannsson’s “Epilogue” started filling the space, she kneeled on the ice & closed her eyes so she could begin. And as she rised to tell a journey that resembled her own, she asked herself if she would have to wait for the end of her path like the story she was trying to portray to find her real drive.


	36. Day 135

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * So Javier in my story is retiring to become a coach in Spain, but he's coming to TCC to train for Yuzuru's show CIONTU, and of course he's welcomed like some sort of prodigal son.  
> * As I mentioned before in real life Yuzuru did CIONTU in April but in my story he would do it in July, only one show in my story as opposite from the three ones he did in real life.  
> * Because this story is more than a romance for me, I always wanted Evgenia to find a goal that's bigger than just getting gold & as I said before she's not going to win everything in her journey because where's the fun in that. Besides that, I have to warn you because I have some Russian readers that maybe you're not going to like my take on the Russian skating system, again I don't mean to be disrespectful.  
> * Rodizio is a restaurant they have both in Peru & Canada as well (I assume in Brazil too bc its supposed to be from there), its a buffet & waiters walk around serving different cuts of meat for the customers.  
> * Ok that's it for now, see you next Monday if real life doesn't get too busy for me.

Sundays were supposed to be her day off, and usually she used this day to laze around the Daleman’s house & rest after a long week of training, although today she found herself wearing a dress and sitting at a Brazilian steakhouse & buffet called Rodizio along many coaches & fellow skaters of TCC that were reuniting to welcome Javier Fernandez back in Toronto who was coming to prepare for his presentation in CIONTU, Yuzuru’s first solo ice show. And while she was sitting between Gabrielle (Daleman) & her brother Zachary, she watched at how comfortably Javier interacted with everyone in the table, and she couldn’t help but feel a little bit out of place, as she wondered if she would ever feel the same sense of camaraderie he seemed to exude with everyone he communicated with.  
-“Miss do you want a piece of this roasted beef” said a waiter from her side taking her out of her thoughts.  
-“No, thank you”, stated Evgenia as she saw how Gabrielle also turned down the meat that was being offered to her, as Zachary scolded her for not accepting the food, because he wanted to eat her share.  
Gabrielle gave her brother an annoyed look and ignored him, before she called Javier by saying “Javi couldn’t you choose a vegan place? Some of us don’t eat food with faces”  
Javier smiled at Gabby’s petulant complaint, before he expressed as a taunt “Well Gabby you know I’m a carnivore & if my memory doesn’t fail me, I recall you eat the gingerbread cookies Tracy (Wilson) made last year”  
-“That’s different”, she stated hiding a smile that showed her amusement with his occurrence.  
-“Well, it had a face”, he concluded in a tone that made Evgenia laugh. And Javier finally looked her way as if he was noticing her for the first time.  
-“Ugh, I guess I would only eat the salad then”, expressed Gabby annoyed as she stood to get more food from the buffet while Zachary joined his sister as well so he could get more potatoes.  
A few seconds after the Daleman duo left, Evgenia saw Javier leaving his seat so he could take the one that Zachary left vacant on her side as he said  
-“I guess congratulations are in order”  
-“What do you mean?”, she asked puzzled.  
-“Well, you’re here aren’t you? Isn’t some sort of victory that you’re the first Russian skater that is allowed to leave her country to train abroad”, he explained his reasoning with a smile.  
-“I wouldn’t call it a victory unless I get the results that I need, it doesn’t matter where I train if I don’t stay competitive until the next Olympic season”, she expressed a little bit gloomy.  
-“Well now you have a chance. My advice to you is trust Brian, trust your training and more than anything trust yourself”, he stated encouragingly.  
She smiled at his words, before she asked in a jesting tone “Is there something in the water in Canada?”  
He laughed at her question, before he expressed “Not that I know, why do you ask?”  
-“It’s just everyone is so positive here, that sometimes it makes me feel grumpy that I’m not as positive as you are”, she stated as a joke, but behind her taunt there was some truth in her words.  
-“I don’t think it’s an empty positive feeling that you’ll find here, if you have found positive people here is because they are confident in their own skills & in this team. Believe me, by personal experience I can tell you, you’re working with some of the best professionals in our sport”, he advised in a warm tone.  
-“I know that, I wouldn’t be here otherwise”, she said, agreeing with his statement.  
-“So how you’re adjusting to the new city?”, he asked curiously.  
-“Well, I’m still not very familiar with it”, she confessed a little bit embarrassed.  
-“You should ask Gabby to show you around. They say the best way to know a city is to get lost in it”, he suggested in a supportive voice.  
-“Maybe after this season I would take your suggestion”, she expressed nonchalantly.  
-“Don’t wait until it’s too late. Believe me, by experience I can tell you homesickness gets worse if you don’t make the effort to get familiar with your new surroundings”, he commended in a fatherly tone.  
Evgenia couldn’t help but feel a little bit uncomfortable with the route of the conversation, because despite being friendly with Javier, she didn’t know him enough to have an open-heart conversation with him, so she changed the subject by saying “I’m surprised Yuzuru is not here”  
Javier gave her a knowing look, as if he could read her intentions, before he stated “I’m not. He doesn’t like to be out much, and at some point, I stopped asking”  
She immediately felt awkward for raising this topic after she heard his words, after all she knew Yuzuru as well & she was familiar with his reluctance to socialize beyond the necessary. So, she reprimanded herself for her carelessness, before she apologized to Javier by saying “I’m sorry I asked”  
-“No, you misunderstand me, I don’t mean I’m mad at Yuzuru. He’s a great kid, a little bit isolated if you ask me, but we all have our issues”, he told her in an understanding tone, and it was then when she finally appreciated Yuzuru’s conclusion that Javier was too kind hearted for his own good.  
-“So what is your issue?”, she asked interested.  
-“Well my girlfriend would probably say I’m too messy. Me, I think I’m creatively disorganized”, he said as a joke & she couldn’t help but laugh whole heartedly at his sense of humor.  
-“Where is your girlfriend by the way? She didn’t come with you to Toronto?”, she wondered aloud.  
-“No, she’s busy fixing our place back in Madrid. So, I guess I will have to eat for two in her name, you know for research purposes”, he expressed as a taunt again, and his good humor started to caught up on her.  
-“I’m guessing you must be happy to be back in Spain”, she questioned with a smile.  
-“I am, but believe it or not, a part of me is going to miss this city”, he confessed a little more sternly than she expected.  
-“Really?”, she asked surprised.  
-“Yeah, this is the city where my dreams started in a way after all. Before I came to Brian, I was thinking about quitting skating because things weren’t working out. Here, I started believing in myself again, this is the place where I had my first triumphs as a skater & here is also the place where I met my rival”, he confided in a secretive tone.  
-“I thought it was only Yuzuru that saw you that way”, she shared quite bluntly.  
-“No, I saw him that way as well. But I also tried to be his friend. But the problem is Yuzuru doesn’t let himself open to anyone. He’s friendly in practices but at the end of the day, he doesn’t cultivate his bonds & you can’t develop a real relationship with anyone that way”, he explained in a candid voice.  
-“I feel sometimes I do the same”; she confessed feeling more comfortable with the skater on her side.  
-“Well, I’m not a coach yet, but I’m a skater that is about to retire to become one & I’ll tell you this. When I look back as much as I remember my victories as a skater, I can see how some of my happiest memories didn’t happen on the ice. It happened thanks to the ice. It was thanks to this profession I met some of my best friends, it was thanks to skating I learned to be independent & believe or not, it was thanks to skating that I got to love. Not only what I do, but also to love in a way that I never experienced before. We can lie to ourselves and say that our work is enough, but it never isn’t, believe me, the day you really learn to love, everything else would feel meaningless. So, my advice to you is to don’t disregard your bonds”, her breath stopped at his words, because she had heard the same advice so many times before. Was she really this transparent that everyone’s counsel seemed to head in the same direction? But she was single minded about her original intention, so she fell into the same pattern of excuses she always used as she expressed  
-“I believe bonds can become a distraction, your mind should be only focused on skating, otherwise how we can get successful results”  
Javier gave her a familiar look as if he recognized himself on her before he said “The bonds you have with people can be whatever you allow them to be, it can be a distraction or it can be your drive, for me it was both to be honest”  
-“And do you regret it distracted you?”, she asked puzzled because she didn’t expect him to agree with her conclusion.  
-“Not for one second”, he stated with a smile. “I love skating, but at a certain point it stopped being the center of my life, it just became an important element of it”  
-“But you wanted to be Olympic champion just like I want”, she questioned not understanding his reasoning.  
-“Yeah, I did. At a certain point I let those desires be my drive, but with time I realized that couldn’t be my fuel. In fact, when I stopped caring about the medals & just concentrated in enjoying my skating is when I started getting my best results”, he shared hoping his experience would help her somehow.  
She felt afraid by his confession because she couldn’t imagine her life without skating being the core of it. Could she ever see life the way he did? Could she ever just enjoy for once being a skater without minding the results she got from it. And then she reminded herself she couldn’t, she didn’t have that luxury, after all she had been born in a country that supported a system where every girl was replaced before they could even begin building their own journey. So, the option that Javier presented wasn’t really available to her, it didn’t matter if she was coached by Eteri (Tutberidze) or by Brian (Orser), at the end of the day she could only allow herself one outcome, success.  
She looked at him again after reaching her conclusion, before she found the courage to ask him “Do you fear retirement?”. But his answer made her feel as if he had been waiting for that question, as he said  
-“No, I’m excited for the future. A lot of people believe retirement is the end of an athlete’s life. I guess in some ways it can be if you let it overcome you. But I’m actually looking forward to what’s about to come. Because I don’t want to live remembering my past glories, I want to start a new path, like Brian did. He could have let his regret for his two silver medals define his whole life, but instead he took his experiences to build a road for us. I want to do the same in Spain, because if I’m the only successful skater from Spain then what I achieved would be meaningless, I want to see someone from my country achieve what I couldn’t. Maybe somewhere in my country there’s a Spanish Yuzuru Hanyu we haven’t discovered yet”  
Evgenia laughed at that mental image & Javier soon found himself laughing as well as he tried to picture Yuzuru as a Spanish man. After a few seconds of simple bliss, he calmed down & continued expressing his hope for the future by stating  
“As funny as it is to imagine a Spanish Yuzuru, what I really mean is that my new goal is to give Spanish skaters the opportunities I didn’t have. I had to struggle to make my own career, I had to build from zero and leave my family to work for a dream that seemed impossible in my own country. But now I’m in a different position & I’m working with my Federation to give the skaters from my country an easier road to the one I had to experience, I want to make sure they don’t go through the same hardships I did”  
Evgenia smiled at this words & expressed with admiration “That’s a beautiful dream”  
-“Dreams only stay as dreams if you don’t work for them, and believe me I’m working”, his words impacted her and later on as she sat next to Gabby & Zachary again, she tried to imagine the future he painted. And she couldn’t help but compare Javier’s dream to her own, because she could recognize that when she left Russia her dreams didn’t involve anyone else but herself. But now, after she heard his hope for the future, she couldn’t help but wonder if she could build a similar journey in Russia to the one that Javier was planning in Spain. Maybe her dreams as a skater wouldn’t become true, maybe she wouldn’t reach gold, but whatever the outcome she would take this year as a lesson, because she didn’t want to see another skater from her country to feel as another tool in a machinery. She wanted them to find the same sense of worth she was feeling at the moment while she discovered her own strength as she expressed her true voice with her skating. Before she left, she didn’t think much about the future of the girls she left behind, but this time she did, and she realized her journey wouldn’t end when her career as a skater ended, because just as Javier said if things didn’t change then every victory she had in the past would be meaningless. And as she continued sensing the camaraderie in the room, she promised herself this time she would work for a dream that involved a goal bigger than herself.


	37. Day 138 part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Hello again, it's been a long month. First of all, let me apologize for being far away from the story for so long, but the last month of classes was a lot & I also had some personal issues to deal with. But anyway, I finished exams on Monday & I'm free until mid August so I can start writing again. Thanks to everyone that left me supportive messages, I really appreciated it  
> * Because I'm in vacations I'm going to be uploading twice per week now, on Fridays & Mondays, again two chapters per day, this was supposed to be the Monday chapter, but I had to fix some things so I couldn't, but here it is.  
> * A lot of things have happened at TCC during this month, so I would try to make some changes accordingly, as you know Jason & Evgenia are bffs in RL now, but I'm not including Jason in the story bc I already have too many characters, but bc I like his dynamic with Zhenya, Gabby's brother (Zachary) would take that spot.  
> * I know CIONTU had a different dynamic in RL, Yuzuru skated with his idols, and he was recovering from an injury at the time so he didn't do any jumps. In my story, he's fine so he's jumping & also in my story CIONTU is only one day. And the reason why Evgenia is invited is because I'm using her as his rival, just like Javier was at a time.  
> * Senpai & kouhai are some sort hierarchical interpersonal relationship that Japanese have between them. The kouhai defers to the senpai's seniority and experience, and speaks to the senpai using honorific language which Yuzuru doesn't with Javier, at least in the story.  
> * Finally, I'm aware there has been some drama with the shipping rumours with Evgenia & Yuzuru for some months now. I didn't say anything before because I wrote this story beyond shipping couples in skating. I like Yuzuru & Evgenia individually as skaters, and I wanted to practice writing a story using them because I do find they have similar journeys. I try to be respectful & I don't even write about Yuzuru or Evgenia in my social media, less of all write to Evgenia or anything like that. At the end of the day, I think as long as you're not bothering them in real life, maybe it's ok to be selfish this way & continue writing a story you enjoy. So I hope you'll allow me this selfishness because honestly I really love to write.

When she opened the doors for the private rink where she had been training in Toronto for the last couple of days, she knew it was going to be one of those memorable days that would stay imprinted in her mind. And just as she thought, as soon as she entered the place she heard the familiar rift of an electric guitar that filled the whole building and the sound enraptured her in a spell that seemed to call to her as a siren until it drawn her to the entrance of the ice rink where she saw Yuzuru working on his choreography of Parisienne Walkaways with Jeffrey (Buttley) and she couldn’t help but smile as she saw him perform all the movements she knew by memory now. And as she witnessed mesmerized how easily he retracted every step of the familiar program, she couldn’t help but admire his effortlessness on the ice. This was clearly his element, and she could see how fluently he could communicate on the ice what she felt he couldn’t do in the real world. Could she ever produce the same feelings he arose in her for her audience? Did they feel that same connection when she poured her whole self on the ice? And does someone feels the same way she does when they see Yuzuru come to life on the ice?  
-“You know that’s my favorite program from him”, said a voice from behind her that made her return to the real world, and as she turned to find the source of the voice, she saw Javier (Fernandez) watching from the bleachers the program of Yuzuru, just like she had been doing.  
She slowly climbed the few stairs she needed to get to his side & sat next to him as she disclosed “I prefer Seimei to be honest, but Parisienne Walkaways is not bad”  
Javier laughed at her comment & only said “Don’t let Yuzu hear you said ‘not bad’ to describe one of his programs, that’s probably an insult for him”, he expressed in a taunting tone.  
“I didn’t mean it that way”, she said a little bit embarrassed. “So, why’s the reason you like Parisienne Walkaways?”, she asked trying to hide her previous mortification with her question.  
“Well in many ways I see Yuzuru as a rockstar on the ice, so for me it’s fitting that he skates at the rhythm of an electric guitar”, explained Javier while he kept his eyes on the moves of his long-term rival.  
-“I guess our images of him are different”, she whispered as she saw Yuzuru finish his program at the middle of the rink.  
Javier’s eyes finally left the ice when she said those words, looking at her surprised, but before he could ask what she meant, she asked “so, what is the reason of the change of schedule, you’re usually the one who starts the training, not Yuzuru”  
He turned his head to the side & sighed before he explained “well it’s actually because David (Wilson) is going to be late today, so he’s going to be arriving after Yuzuru finishes his training with Jeffrey”  
She nodded in understanding at him before she replied “Oh, ok. I’m surprised David didn’t tell me anything though”  
-“That’s actually my fault”, Javier clarified embarrassed. “David sent me a text yesterday telling me about it and he asked me to let you know, but did I mention that besides being known for being messy, I’m also famous for being forgetful? “  
She laughed at his explanation, before she said “No, you also forgot to mention that”  
-“Well now you know”, he replied with a smile.  
-“So, I guess we’ll just stay here stalking Yuzuru while he works”, she said as a joke.  
-“Yeah, the plan today is wait for David while Yuzuru make us feel bad about our skating abilities as we compare ourselves to him while he trains for his show”, he continued her taunt, keeping the light mood of their conversation.  
She laughed at his sarcastic statement, before she added “I guess you’ll be happy to be relieved from the burden of comparing yourself to him now that you’re retiring”  
-“Well now that I’ve been away from him since the Olympics, I’m kind of looking back fondly at all the murderous looks he gave me everytime I beat him”, he shared in an amused tone.  
She laughed again at the memories of Javier and asked rhetorically with a smile “He doesn’t like to lose right?”  
Javier nodded & continued describing Yuzuru as if he was a proud older brother by pointing out “He’s a very sore loser. We’ve never play videogames either, because I’m afraid of how intense he would get if I beat him there as well”.  
Evgenia laughed at Javier’s joking attempts & while they got lost in the easy mood of their conversation, they didn’t notice that Yuzuru had finished his practice & was now standing next to them until they heard his voice interrupting them when he said  
-“Or maybe you’re afraid I’m better at videogames as well, not only at skating”  
They both immediately turned surprised to see Yuzuru standing at Javier’s side with an odd look on his face, before Javier laughed at his teammate’s expression and stated  
-“You see that’s the same scary smile he used to give me when I beat him”  
Yuzuru rolled his eyes at Javier as he was familiar with his antics and said in a casual annoyed tone “Oi, my smile is not scary”  
-“You would make babies cry with that ‘I’m going to kill you smile’ you used right now”, expressed Javier amused before he turned to Evgenia to tell her in a fake concerned tone “I still don’t understand how this guy is so popular with girls with that troublesome personality”  
Zhenya smiled at Javier’s teasing & decided to help him in his task as she added, “Well he’s actually only popular with old ladies”  
Yuzuru gave her an offended look when she saw her joining forces with Javier for their bullying & he retorted by saying “that’s probably because all the girls on my age range are busy drooling after Korean boy bands”  
She laughed again at his sarcastic comment and stayed silent enjoying the comfortable mood that settled between the three of them as Javier continued his teasing at his long-term teammate, before he added  
-“Now that I’m retiring, I wonder who would be the poor soul that you would subject to your rivalry methods”  
Yuzuru looked at her after Javier’s words, before he simply stated “You’re sitting next to her right now”  
Javier turned to look at her again before he asked curiously “So you’re his new Yagudin?”  
Evgenia blushed embarrassed for being put on the spot, before she deflected by saying “You knew about this Plushenko vs Yagudin rivalry ideas he had with you”  
Javier laughed at her puzzled expression before he explained “of course I knew, that’s the first thing he told me when he moved to Toronto. Although, I didn’t understand what he meant back then because his English was very bad when he first came here, but as the months passed and he learned to conjugate, I realized he was serious about this rivalry thing”  
Evgenia laughed at Javier’s teasing again, and continued his game by asking  
-“And how did you know he was serious?”  
Javier put his hand in his chest in a dramatic manner before he answered “besides his ‘I’m going to kill you face’ he made at competitions you mean”  
-“Yeah, besides that”, said Evgenia in an amused manner.  
-“Well, the first thing you learn about Yuzuru Hanyu, is that he never jokes when it’s about something related to skating”, Javier preached in his best professor voice.  
-“Oi, don’t talk about me as if I wasn’t here”, said Yuzuru in an annoyed tone.  
-“You two have an interesting dynamic”, pointed out Evgenia.  
-“Do you think so? Must be all the years we spent training together, I wonder how would this guy live without me?”, asked Javier rhetorically.  
-“I’m sure I’ll survive”, Yuzuru said while rolling his eyes.  
-“I can imagine his lonely training schedule”, expressed Javier while ignoring’s Yuzuru irked mood. “I can see him looking for his senpai’s attention, but I would be a continent away”, he expressed theatrically.  
Yuzuru tried to hide a smile at Javier’s antics before he said in his most serious tone “I keep telling you, you’re not my senpai, you’re not even Japanese”  
-“You know kouhais should me more respectful to their seniors”, reprimanded Javier.  
-“I’m actually looking forward for you to return to Spain now”, replied Yuzuru in a sarcastic voice.  
Evgenia continued laughing at Javier’s dramatic behavior & she felt happy to witness the different side of Yuzuru that Javier seemed to bring up. Just as Yuzuru told her before, the Spanish skater seemed to be very kind hearted, but she also discovered how his sense of humor could put anyone at ease, and she couldn’t help but think that Javier put on this show to lower the guard of Yuzuru & make him feel more comfortable. Maybe this was the reason why everyone had so much love for Javier, because he had the power of connecting to people no matter how different they were from him.  
-“So did you finish your training?”, was the question she heard Javier directed to Yuzuru, taking her out of her thoughts.  
-“Yes, Jeffrey said that David would be arriving at any minute, so you should not be waiting for much longer”, pointed out Yuzuru in a relaxed manner.  
-“So, I haven’t heard the program you’re doing yet for CIONTU”, asked Javier curiously.  
-“She’s going to be doing her SP”, Yuzuru answered for her.  
Javier gave her a surprised look, once Yuzuru revealed her plans, before the Spanish skater added “You’re bringing the big guns huh?”  
-“Well, I don’t want to leave you with the honor of being the only skater from TCC that could compete with Yuzuru”, expressed Evgenia in a tone that seemed more confident than how she really felt.  
-“I’m sure this next season would be interesting, sadly I would only watch from the sidelines” and just as Javier said those words, they saw an out of breath David Wilson arriving through the main entrance, before he spotted them talking on the stands and he made his way to reach them.  
-“Sorry, I’m late”, he expressed apologetically.  
-“Better late than ever” said Javier after giving his choreographer a hug.  
David gave his pupil a smile before he took his time hugging Yuzuru & then her, but when he saw her with the boys, he gave her a curious look, before he told her  
-“Honey, aren’t you a little bit early for our training, I’m supposed to work with Javi first”  
Javier immediately intervened after David’s remark by stating “That’s actually my fault, I forgot to tell her the time of her training”  
David gave Javier a disapproving look before he said “Oh Javi, you & your Dory memory honestly”  
-“But it’s ok, you can work with Evgenia first”, suggested Javier trying to amend the problem.  
-“Well I think it’s better if I work with Zhenya after you, because our program is still a work in progress, so it would take longer to work with her than with you”, explained David, to try to continue with the scheduled plan.  
-“I already made her wait enough; besides I want to see what she’s preparing for Yuzu’s show”, insisted Javier seriously.  
-“Are you sure you don’t mind?”, asked Evgenia unsure if she should take his spot.  
-“I’m sure, so don’t worry about me. Besides, my mother raised me to be a gentleman”, stated Javier quite earnestly.  
-“She’s 10 years younger than you Javier, you should know better”, expressed David in a teasing tone.  
-“Hey, I didn’t mean it like that”, said Javier in an offended tone.  
-“It’s fine David, Javi is just being a good senpai, right?”, remarked Evgenia while using Javi's previous words.  
-“Exactly”, nodded Javier approvingly, before he asked, “wait do Russians have senpais?”  
-“This one has”, was the cripted answer of Evgenia that made Javier smile. He looked at the Russian skater quite fondly & he thought that maybe things would be fine at TCC once he returned permanently to Spain. He looked at his side, and he noticed his old teammate watching distractedly at his phone while the conversation had been taking place & he tried to take him away from his solitary tendencies by standing from his seat & pulling Yuzuru to his side with an one arm hug before he said in a dramatic voice  
-“Oi, she just arrived to TCC & she’s already more respectful to me than you ever were”  
Yuzuru gave Javier an amused look before he escaped his hug & told him in a sly tone  
-“She just arrived at TCC & she’s already less annoying than you ever were as well”  
Evgenia laughed at their dynamic again, before David interrupted them by asking her  
-“So, are you ready?”  
She smiled at her choreographer & stood up quickly as she said “Sure, let’s give them a show”


	38. Day 138 part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * So the inspiration for this two chapters is Ekaterina Gordeeva, I'm actually more into pairs skating, than singles skating. And Ekaterina's story is so sad & inspiring that I wanted to use part of her story as inspiration for Evgenia. In real life Evgenia knows her, I saw a picture of them together, in the story I'm only making Evgenia aware of her name. Here is a clip of Katya skating https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-dpKl10DLg&t=3s  
> * Just to remind you, the SP program of Evgenia is Epilogue from Johann Johannsson from the Theory of Everything https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yov3aUvwuSE  
> * The thing about the speed, is something I learned from watching a documentary from Yuzuru, he really started to lose consistency and found it harder to control his elements once his speed increased at TCC. Of course everything was fine once he adapted, Evgenia in the story is still in the middle of that process, so she's still struggling.  
> * That's it for now, see you on Friday :)

As Evgenia made her way to the rink with David following her from behind, she couldn’t help but feel nervous about Yuzuru & Javier watching her practice. So as soon as they reached the ice, she turned to David unsure if she should share her doubts  
-“What’s wrong”, he asked noticing her hesitant expression.  
-“Maybe it would be better if you start with Javier after all, because I don’t want to bore them watching my program, when I don’t even have any jumps to show them yet”, she expressed nervously.  
-“It’s too late to do that now, Javier already gave you his training turn. Besides I think they would like what we have done so far”, said David in a kind tone trying to give her some reassurance.  
-“Maybe we can start adding some of the jumps today”, suggested Evgenia.  
-“Have you finished training your jumps with Ghislain?”, asked David to bolster his point.  
-“No, he’s still making me do doubles. He said I would start doing triples once I return from Japan”, expressed Evgenia frustrated.  
-“Then it’s better to wait, besides with the changes in the system, we need to focus on making your other elements perfectly, because with the new rules the judges are going to be stricter in the quality of the elements now that they’re using a new GOE system”, explained David trying to take her attention away from her jumps at the moment.  
-“I know, I just thought I would be able to do the show with the jumps. Fans are going to find my programs boring, if I don’t”, she confessed relying the real source of her doubts.  
-“Well, skating is not only about jumping. If it was, do you think people would enjoy ice dancing?”, asked David rhetorically.  
-“But you have a pair there, so it’s easier to focus the audience on the interpretation part when you have two skaters interacting”, insisted Evgenia, because she felt she was setting herself to failure, by showing a program that in her eyes felt incomplete.  
-“I think that doing an exhibition without jumps would be a good exercise for you, it would force you to concentrate on the rest of your elements and it would prove that you can tell a story in the ice without relying in your jumps”, advised David, hoping his words would help her to see things from a different perspective.  
-“Is this Brian’s idea or yours?”, asked Evgenia in a wary tone.  
-“It’s a suggestion, at the end it’s your choice. We’re not forcing you to quit jumping, but as long as Ghislain is still working with you in improving your technique, it’s better to not only think about the elements that are your weaknesses, but also improve the ones that you’re good at. There’s always room for improvement”, he expressed in a fatherly voice.  
-“I guess we’ll do it your way then”, she said resigned.  
-“If it comforts you in any way, Shae Lynn (Bourne) is also going to do her exhibition program at CIONTU without jumps”, stated David trying to cheer her up.  
-“But she was an ice dancer in the past, is not the same”, insisted Evgenia dissatisfied.  
-“Well then, do you know Ekaterina Gordeeva?”, asked David, trying to give her an example of her unreached potential.  
-“Yeah, she’s a legend in Russia, she skated in pairs with Sergei Grinkov”, pointed out Evgenia, knowing the name of the skater and her Olympic achievements, but not being completely sure of her overall story.  
-“Well after her partner passed away, she continued skating. She still does shows but she doesn’t jump anymore and she’s still a sight to behold. Her skating evolved into something different without him, I can’t tell you if it’s better or worse, because I like them both myself, but now she’s not known as the partner of Sergei, she’s just Katya on the ice, showing her unique voice through her own skating. Your case in some ways it’s different of course, you weren’t skating in pairs, but you were known as a skater from Tutberidze’s school, with everything that implies. Here in TCC, as you know there’s not a defined style for any of our skaters, Javier is different from Yuzuru, and every skater just like them is their own world. Our idea is to help the skaters find their own voice, so this is a step to get there”, he expressed in a kind manner.  
-“Do you think I can hold the audience’s attention without jumps?”, she asked hesitantly.  
-“We will discover than on the show, but between us, I think you can do anything, I would not be excited to choreograph you otherwise”, his answer made her smile, before he pushed her further on the ice as he said “So why don’t we start seeing if you can hold the attention of the two guys watching you from the stands?”  
Evgenia looked at the bleachers just as David gave his suggestion & she saw the famous TCC duo watching her curiously waiting to observe something she wasn’t even sure she would be able to perform. But she gave a nod to David, trying to trust his advice.  
-“Come on, made them jealous”. She laughed at his attempt of cheering her up & she slowly made her way to the center of the rink to start her program. She felt a slight fear that ran through her spine when she reached the spot where her program would begin, and she looked for David’s face from a distance as she kneeled down to start her routine, and just as their eyes met, he gave her a reassuring smile before he started the song and she closed her eyes & took a deep breath to calm herself down before everything begin. And as the notes of “Epilogue” filled the rink, she felt that familiar fluttery feeling inside her stomach that always appeared when she was about to skate. This feeling that told her brain that no matter how much she struggled her destiny was tied to the ice. And just as this tiny tingle of reassurance hit her heart, she opened her eyes to start. And she began the familiar routine, by arching her back towards the ice before she straight it up to slide one time on the same spot, before she rose & started skating to the other side of the rink to hit her first spin at the cue of the music. 

And as she revolved in the same spot for seconds that felt like hours, she tried to match the momentum of the song. And as she finished & tried to concentrate in her next element, she focused on balancing her speed to every component in her program. Before she came to TCC this hadn’t been a problem, but thanks to the training she went with Tracy where they reworked her foundations, she had found she was faster on the ice which made things more difficult to control while trying to match the tempo of the music. And as she continued her routine with her Ina Bauer, she thought about how carefully & detailed it had been the process of creating her new program. Every element had a purpose, and it told the story of a man that through the love of his closed ones was able to move forward, and that’s the only thing she could do herself. Move forward to the end. And as she retraced the steps of her familiar program, she thought about the two familiar faces looking at her from the stands, and what their thoughts about her new program would be. Did she measure up, or would they find her lacking? She still had so much more to give, she wanted to believe that, she wanted this to be a new beginning & not a failed attempt of delaying the inevitable end.

And as she sensed the song reaching its end; she prepared to finish her program with a spin in the middle of the rink & she felt as the adrenaline slowly started to leave her body and she felt content with being able to pull this off. Maybe when the competitive season started she would be ready, maybe she would be able to prove herself to the judging eyes of the world that always made her feel like she would never be good enough. Since her injury during the Olympic season, everything had felt like a challenge as if she was drowning in the sea and she was slowly sinking away with no lifesaver waiting for her, the only thing she was able to do was to hold her breath as long as she could as she waited for the unavoidable end. But her new life in Canada was giving her hope things may get better and with each day that passed she had started feeling that old confidence that drove her for two seasons undefeated slowly returning and that drive was the impulse she needed to kick on her own to the surface to be able to breathe again.

And when she finished her last spin and the music ended, strong claps dissipated her from her trance & made her return to the real world and when she looked up at the bleachers looking for the familiar faces, her heart wished the applause meant they understood, and somehow they could see the reflection of her story on her skating, but the silhouettes that she recognized, made her realize he wasn’t there anymore and instead she found the kind face of Javier looking at her proudly & David giving her a smile of his own. So, she did a small bow to show she appreciated their support, but as she returned the smiles from the stands, she could feel how the happiness she projected to the outside world didn’t reach her heart


End file.
